Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

[Jimisnotmyname]

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

If you were one of my colleagues or employees, I'd be bending over backwards to help you - not resent you in any way at all. You'll probably get the most understanding from colleagues that also have children. With regards to your colleagues holiday, this is up to management to sort cover for. You should be in no way made to feel responsible for this being cancelled - they should be ensuring that this doesn't need to happen. I do get feeling guilty, as I'd be the same, but your priority has to be your child - and your own health.

Will keep everything crossed for your little one - an awful situation to be in xx

Yep, totally agree with this. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation but you need to prioritise yourself and your child. Your colleague should not have to forfeit AL - if they are forced to then management is to blame.

Take the time off you need and focus on your family.

So sorry your DC is unwell. You should get signed off as you are unwell. You are very stressed, not eating and sleeping.

Workload is your managers responsibility to sort but I can understand you feel bad about it and your colleagues holiday. Can you work whilst your colleague is on holiday and then take some time off thereafter? I appreciate your work specialised but can your manager not cover the work, or anyone else? If there is no one else, I think I would say I would cover their holiday so they don’t lose out and then take some time off before/after that.

sending you strength and best wishes.

Take the sick leave. Your child and your health comes first.

Employers can cancel sanctioned annual leave, but that is not your problem @Jimisnotmyname

https://www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights/taking-holiday-before-leaving-a-job

The employer may end up with a bigger problem because I cannot imagine the colleague would be an engaged employee after losing their leave and potentially being out of pocket. Not OP’s issue though.

You need to focus on yourself and your family at this time. Life happens despite everyone needing to work and I’m sure your colleagues will understand you are dealing with a lot of stress and unable to concentrate on work right now. Management will work out something with the colleague who has booked leave, it isn’t your responsibility to worry about it (unless you are their manager).

Take the sick leave.

Your colleagues may be annoyed but ultimately, they will be grateful they're not in your situation and it's management's issue to sort out cover and holiday cover.

Look after you as your child needs you, not your colleagues!!

When my colleague's young daughter was diagnosed with leukemia she immediately went off sick with stress, our only concern was the wellbeing of her, her daughter and her family, everyone went out of their way to cover her workload without a second thought (and this was not a team normally known for it's compassion to other team members!). Please prioritise yourself and your child and get signed off x

It’s not always that simple when your child is seriously ill in hospital either.

Op...get signed off and concentrate on your child and yourself. Caring for someone is exhausting and I can't imagine how you feeling if it's your child in this situation. Your colleagues will understand. If they don't that's more about them. That's what management is for to manage situations. Sending you hugs and strength Xxx

Your colleagues holiday is not your problem - your employer sorts that out. I can’t imagine such a terrible situation, get signed off your in no state to work.
Your employment contract and benefits are nothing to do with anyone else they are between you and your employer. It sounds like you’ve been a brilliant employee so take the benefits.
good luck x

Take the leave and focus on yourself and your family.

Sending your child my best wishes x

Is anyone else able to help with your child's care?

Get signed off and be with your DC definitely.
However, I'm not sure why your colleague should effectively be penalised for your absence. You're two separate people; just because your plans change doesn't mean theirs should. I would not be cancelling a booked holiday because of someone else's situation. Your manager needs to arrange cover.

Your work sounds shit. Cancelling a colleagues annual leave because another is unwell is not appropriate and the colleague should kick up a fuss and force them to sort alternate cover. This is a management problem not a you problem or your colleagues problem. You would not be unreasonable to take sick leave when you clearly are not coping and have become unwell.

Could caring be shared with DC's other parent or family step in occasionally to help?

I can’t see anyone being annoyed with a single parent having to take leave and look after their child!!

I am sorry that your child is poorly and you are finding things difficult.
Do you have a partner? The other parent of the child? Could they not share the hospital time which could then mean your colleague could take their long planned holiday?
I do understand why you would want a parent to accompany your child in hospital but does it have to be you?

Definitely get signed off and try not to worry about what's happening at work as that is the managers' responsibility (I know it's hard not to worry about that). Prioritising your child and your health is very important. Sending all best wishes

You have to put family and self first here OP, or you will break and not be back to work. Your manager and your colleagues would do whatever they needed to as well. Any resentment we would feel is ours to deal with and not your responsibility.
Your responsibility is
To care for your sick child
To maintain your mental and physical health
To assess whether you are capable to effectively carry out your work duties at the moment
Go see your GP and talk it over.

There are lots of people who take the piss at work. Yours is not such a case. Your colleagues would have no hesitation in going off sick if they had a child in need.

Do it, and don’t worry about work. If the shoe was on the other foot, you’d do it for them.

This. I have worked with many dedicated, hard working, senior people who made many sacrifices for their employers. 3 of those colleagues dropped down dead suddenly, many more retired after working decades of unpaid overtime. It is amazing how fast things just carry on as before. Put yourself and your child first. Nobody else will.

Your child comes first and so does your own health - if you need to be signed off to maintain your own health then do so. You are no use to your child or your employer if you crack under the strain. Your employer is responsible for arranging cover, it's is not for you to worry about. Concentrate on looking after yourself and your child.

This

And I can believe how little empathy some people have...

Cannot you see that a parent with a kid in hospital is going to be massively stressed and not concentrating at work, sick with worry, not eating and sleeping properly?