Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

[Jimisnotmyname]

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

With OP or your company?

if it’s with OP, why?

Because you don’t have children, surely doesn’t mean that you’ve no empathy for the DM of a seriously sick child in hospital?

She’s not taking time off and cancelling your holiday for an afternoon sports day.

Where did I say I want to go off sick for half a year? I said we get full sick pay for that period, not that I expect to get signed off for that long. Maybe I wasn't clear in my OP.

GP here and I wouldn’t hesitate to sign you off sick, and suspect/hope most of my colleagues would feel the same.

I hope all goes Ok with your child.

Fuck work and fuck your colleagues. This is your child and your life.

And no, I would only feel compassion for you if I worked with you. I’d be telling you to get signed off with stress because my god, I cannot think of a more stressful situation, and if my annual leave was cancelled I’d be raising hell with my shit employer, and taking my time off anyway, not you. If your employer is shit, that’s not on you.

There are some workplaces where this wouldn’t happen. There would be no money for cover. Colleagues would have to add to their workloads- I work in a UK university and if the OP were an academic there’d be no cover. We would have to cancel the OP’s teaching and cover all her other work.

So it’s not always that simple.

Indeed. I can’t believe how dishonest people are being.

Sorry you have a seriously ill child. I can see both sides to this which I think is the dilemma you have. You absolutely should be there for your child and it sounds like being signed off sick would be the right action (your own mental health being the reason).

If I was honest though I would be annoyed at you being off if I was your colleague (though I would understand why) as I know where I work you would not be replaced as it would be argued there is not enough money to be paying someone sick leave and to be paying someone to do their job (sorry to be brutal). The company should not be able to stop others taking leave but I don't know whether they could legally enforce this.
Also not meaning to be unkind, i would then be annoyed if this went on for 6 months (having to do your extra work) only for you to still not be able to return and to have to continue doing the extra work for even longer. Also without knowing the extent of your child's illness, I would be even more frustrated if you took all the sick leave (and no replacement at work was found) and then you decided to leave completely. I would personally find this frustrating as a colleague to think that everyone had been covering you all this time when you had no intention to return and it stopped the workplace finding a replacement.
Anyway that is just me being honest and thinking about the long term and sorry if it sounds harsh.
I hope your child makes a good recovery.

I really hope you DC recovers quickly. It sounds like you are very stressed, which is a reason people take sick leave. Please take the sick leave. As others have said any reasonable colleague would want you to be with you DC. Your manager should arrange it so others don't have to cancel leave, but this is not your responsibility. Hope all goes well.

I can’t believe how people are being so ridiculous to see that OP is sick!

But you get all sorts on MN!

Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay

I read that , maybe I misunderstood

I do understand that and that is one of my worries. I job share with someone in a small and highly specialised role. We are never allowed off at the same time and in many years, this was never an issue. This is a first. They couldn't get someone from an agency in as in house training takes too long.

To not be able to see that OP is sick!

This is not good health. This describes poor mental health, becoming poor physical health, and no wonder.

separate out the issue of your colleague’s leave. That is nothing to do with you at all and is not your problem to solve. Sometimes it’s easier to imagine a mental health problem like this as if it were a physical issue that you couldn’t push through- what would happen then? Mental health can be deprioritised for a certain time but that’s not the right thing to do, you’re clearly not fit to work and your head is bound to be all over the place.

secondly this is your child, and your health. They’re connected and you must put them before anything else. Otherwise you’ll break and that’s much harder to fix.

Get signed off. Do what you need to do as mum. Your company offers six months for a reason, and your GP won’t sign you off without a good reason, too. So do it. Now, today. Your company will manage and will carry on. And anyone who grumbles needs to sit down and have a word with themselves. Health is all of us, not just the physical body.

Are you joking?

Dishonest?

Maybe I’m a shit person then, because I would be signed off with stress in this situation. Parental leave isn’t paid, so who pays my mortgage? I don’t give a shit about the company I work for. It’s just a job. Being there for my sick child would be my priority.

Where I work, you would be fully supported in taking the time you very clearly need, off work.

The department would then be supported in how to practically manage your absence, if necessary.

I would definitely speak to your manager and HR.

Thank you. I think I would feel the same of the tables would be reversed :(

Maybe I should try returning to office and forcing the nurses to look after DC. It may even do me good not being on ward all day.

Listen, if one of you or your colleagues died, they would replace you in a heartbeat.

When is your colleagues holiday and how long do you expect the situation to last?

You clearly struggle with basic comprehension if you think that the op is well and fit to work under these circumstances.

No I wouldn't. Take the leave.youve been there 10 years with minimal sick leave and have beena good employee by sounds of it. Your dc needs you now so if your colleague is that much of a that that they get bent out of shape while your sdc is in hospital seriously ill then it just speaks to the type of person they are , and why would you be bothered by inconveniencing that type of personality ? You shouldn't. Put you and dc first. Do not resign.

Don’t worry about what your colleagues think. And as a manager in the workplace, it’s far easier to plan for someone who is on long term sick than someone who is sporadically on and off. Get signed off for a month and perhaps see where you are after that?

Or a nightmare employer, with no empathy or ability to run a decent workplace.

They should have made a contingency plan of some kind. What happens if both of you have a vomiting bug at the same time? Or one’s on holiday and the other starts with norovirus? (Using that because if you’re vomiting nobody wants to share an office with you and actually you couldn’t even make the journey to work.)

Your company’s limitations shouldn’t affect the way you decide whether you are fit to work.

around Easter. Current situation could go on for a few months. We are waiting for a bed in a more specialist setting but it could be up to 3 months until one becomes available. We are stuck in a general hospital in the meantime

This, especially if they’ve paid thousands so a holiday but the anger would be directed at the employer