Would you resent me if I was your employee or colleague ?

[Jimisnotmyname]

DC is seriously ill and inpatient in hospital. Expected to be in for several months. I have been asked by the hospital to be on side to help with various aspects of their care. In theory, I could take my notebook in and work from the ward (and do some catch up at night from home) but I am not coping. I am falling apart and not coping with anything. Would I be unreasonable to take sick leave? We get 6 months on full pay. I have been with my employer for over a decade and only was once off sick for a month (after major surgery). It would mean my colleague's holiday will have to be cancelled and I would let a lot of people down in my department and I feel hugely guilty about that. But I don't know what else to do. I know the decent thing would be to resign but I need the sick pay to cover bills. Please be honest.

yabu - suck it up and carry on working or resign.
yanbu - get signed off

OP your kid is more important than any job.

Your colleagues are not your family or friends and you don't owe them anything.

Most workplaces would also not think twice about making you redundant in an instant for business reasons, so again you should not feel that a life crisis should come second to loyalty to a job.

You are in a really stressful situation and your child comes first. Tell your GP you are not coping and get signed off.

I wouldn't even question it to be honest, even as a career focussed person. My child comes first, every time.

Take the time, he with your DC. Forget everything else for now. If you have a good employer they would be encouraging this anyway and if not, I'd be looking for a new one when the time is right.

Sending lots of good wishes x

No one is ever irreplaceable at work. You are irreplaceable to your child.

Mental health is still health. Talk to work, they may have mental health policies, mental health first aiders etc, but please please take the time you need off.

Stress is a mental health issue and treated as a disability under the Equality Act. You are legally protected OP and should take it as sick leave. Get yourself to the GP so you have it officially documented. You aren't ok - if you were then you'd be working at their bedside as you've said you aren't up to doing. Totally understandable.

I’m sorry your dd is poorly. I’m sure your colleagues will understand if you need to be off and much prefer you to be on leave than resign. Your colleagues holiday shouldn’t be cancelled if it’s already been agreed.

Since you aren’t sick yourself you can’t honestly take sick leave. I would hope your employer might give you carers leave or exceptional leave or you can take unpaid parental leave (assuming your DC is under 16 you are legally entitled to this).

If you read the bloody thread, you'd know I am ill. HTH. as I said, I won't go in sick leave thanks to nasty responses like you. Happy?

OP you need to ignore all of the unhelpful comments. I am a senior manager and in your situation I would absolutely tell any of my staff to prioritise their child and their own wellbeing over work. They will need to organise some sort of cover for you colleague to take their leave, but that isn’t your problem, it’s theirs, so don’t be worrying about that.

You won’t be any good to anyone if you run yourself into the ground trying to please everyone!

Plenty of people also think you should go on sick leave. Some who actually know how it feels like to be in your position.

Take the sick leave. Your mental health matters and so does being there for your child.

@Yourcatisnotsorry mind to explain why you responded with a laughing emoji to me reply? Having a very seriously ill child is not funny. I hope you never have to go through what we go through.

If I were your colleague I would expect our employer to step up and sort cover to maintain the standard s at work. They have a duty of care to us all and should be able to overcome the little obstacles with professionalism and grace.

I haven't seen the GP and I cannot afford unpaid parental leave. I said a few times already that I will not get signed off. How many times do I have to repeat myself? And no, DH cannot take the week off when my colleague is away. Do I have to justify the reasons too? Does your DH take annual leave so you can go to the office when you are ill? Seriously, if you have nothing useful to say, why bother posting?

Parental leave isn't going to be less stressful because it is unpaid and having a child in hospital is incredibly expensive.

OP please ignore the really unhelpful posters . There is clearly a lack of compassion on this thread. Your child
is seriously poorly., nothing else matters right now. Please speak to your GP

YANBU - I’m so sorry for what you’re going through OP! Yes get signed off and forget about work when you are! Your focus is on your own child and you’re replaceable at work - if you left they’d forget you quickly so don’t feel guilty - it’s up to management to sort!

My brother was very unwell and as it wasn’t treated and he was in agony it affected his mental health and we ended up in A&E for days too scared to leave him there alone. Your colleague is not your concern, family is what you’ll always remember or regret.

Goof luck and I hope it’s treatable and happens soon!

I suggest you RTWT!!!!

Her normal pay because she will continue struggling with work because she is so afraid of what others might think and plenty of comments on here have proved her right.

This with bells on!

take the sick leave.
you are understandably not coping.
speaking from experience of a colleague who tried to work through a stressful situation - we had to spend a lot of time
picking up on mistakes and double checking her work!

OP, you are sick. You are under a huge amount of stress and you feel you aren’t coping. So you need to go to the GP and get signed off. They will sign you off for whatever period of time they feel is appropriate and then you’ll need to go back and reassess when that initial period of sick leave is drawing to a close.

What people at work think about you is utterly irrelevant and not something for you to be concerned about at this point in time. You are entitled to paid sick leave and regardless of how inconvenient it may be for the company, that entitlement is there for employees to use when they need it. It’s the company’s responsibility to have contingencies in place for when staff need unexpected time off. How your absence affects others in your workplace is not your problem and I wouldn’t let it take up any headspace whatsoever.

Get signed off and focus on you and your child. Don’t waste any precious energy thinking about what people at work might or might not be thinking about you.

I’m so sorry your child is so unwell and that you are going through this incredibly challenging time. Please go and see your GP on Monday.