New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

There aren’t many vegetarians or vegans that would either buy or cook meat.
Speaking as a veggie since 1980.

Maybe they are vegan for health reasons but anyone who does it for the love of animals would never cook them , it’s not exactly showing love.

Its very rare.

Agree entirely with the first line though, but lots of people make those sort of sweeping ridiculous comments …..

He’s sounding worse by the minute….

This is very well said.

Although if he is a strict vegan then any cross contamination ie cooking on a pan that has remnants of dairy on would make the food non vegan
In fact it would make it non vegan whether strict or not

However

Any decent restaurant these days uses separate cooking equipment in a separated space and in fact without that they would fail their inspections

Thank you, next!

Ugh. Vegans. Absolutely not.

Op, take one for the team and let someone else have the pleasure of this charmers company.

Incompatible. Move on.

Could he have a phobia about eating in public?

He sounds like hard work and this is only the beginning.
Bye bye matey.

Just placemarking in the hope we get to learn his justification for drinking non-vegan beer and wine.

I'd dump him just for drinking Fosters - nothing to do with it's vegan status, it's a terrible beer and shows very poor taste.

Well it happened.

Perhaps I dont know all the veggies/vegans you know.

Can't wait for the update on what his reply is to this. 🍿at the ready!

Possible. Is that better?

Yeah, Fosters and a tofu sandwich… 🤔

OP, I couldn’t have sex with him after the tofu sandwich. That would have been it. 😆

Unless he's a professional chef get rid mate.

An explanation, not necessarily better.

No.

Because whatever the issue is, he isnt open to dealing with it. If he is determined to pin in on to his veganism, whatever you say will be shot down. Ultimately, what he wants to do now is all he will want to do, at best, going forward it may be even less.

As a I said, I know a lot of veggies/vegans and the vegans especially are knowledgable on what alcohol is vegan and what isnt. The fact that he gets weekly deliveries of a non vegan beer suggest that his fear of contamination isnt about meat. Probably does have a fear of contamination but is putting under this handy (and fashionable) label of veganism so no one questions him.

The fact is, your life with him will be joyless and not something you want. Why sign up for that?

I'm feeling like what is the point in discussing the issue.

Also I am terrified he will back down and agree to go out for a meal now.

As it stands I can just say he's brilliant but sadly my main interest in / motivation in having a boyfriend is someone to go out for dinner with.

And we can hopefully just both accept this sad reality of two souls mates sadly cut asunder through incompatability without me ever having to listen to a stupid word that comes out of his mouth.

Also I wanted to do pub quiz last night and even though we were already in the pub he said no so we sat there trying to talk while all the questions were being read out. Maybe there would have been a question about bacon.

He also refuses to wear anything that isn't black. Because his favourite colour is black.

Oh christ he sound insufferable!

I wear mainly black because I used to be very fat and it was my "hide away" colour and now its all I feel happy wearing but it isnt a fucking statement!

How old is he? Because he sound like Paul Heaton, a man who cannot accept that he isnt an angst ridden 19 year old student anymore. Fucking bin him off mate, you can do SO much better than this.

ETA as someone who quizzes at a hobby, he would have been dumped on the spot!

I know his food choices are the reason at the moment for you to be wondering about him but I bet if you give him a hard look there will be some really weird stuff happening.

1). Food rigidity
2). Poor housekeeping
3). Clothing rigidity

Honestly, if you want ideas about your future together, may I suggest a quiet read through https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5245372-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-14?page=18&reply=141871489 because you might find some parallels in there.

Add to this he doesn't want to drive and won't go to cinema etc.

And although you may be right, in fact I think you are, why should the OP have to find ways to deal with it or excuse it?

She is seeing him as a boyfriend, she isnt living with him or married to him. So its perfectly ok for her to say "nope, not for me" and move on. She has no moral duty to stay in a relationship with him just because his issues may have a diagnosis behind them.

He sounds incredibly hard work Op!

Lol. I could never be with anyone like that. It's a level of fanaticism I'd find unbearable. I hope that you're making him do all the cooking.