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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

915 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:33

HundredMilesAnHour · 12/03/2025 23:17

No idea about beers but most wine isn’t vegan as the majority of wines allegedly use animal/fish products in part of the filtering process.

So he’s quite the hypocrite. Or maybe just using veganism as a excuse for being tight?

I do voluntary work with a lot of vegans (it’s a wildlife charity) annd even our Christmas party buffet is vegan. At no point have I ever seen any of them eat a cold tofu sandwich. I’ve had to take my own vegan packed lunch for one of my jobs (no non-vegan food allowed onsite unless it’s for the wildlife patients) and even I managed a better effort than your boyfriend (and I LOATHE packed lunches).

Show quote history

Although you can always find vegan wines at Aldi Lidl and most supermarkets.
Since you’re not eating out anyway OP 🥴

YourBestFriend · 12/03/2025 23:33

Yes, vegans are always hard work. Get rid and find some carnivore man.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:35

Subwaystop · 12/03/2025 23:31

Between the “husband’s food choices” thread, the guy breaking up over mushrooms, and this, it seems there’s a plague of men and insane eating habits.

I actually have form for this I'm remembering.

I actually lived with a guy who wouldn't eat any vegetable except peas.

This guy's brother was gay and also would only eat about three vegetables. His partner and I used to text frequently with new ideas of how we could hide vegetables in food without them realising.

Finally we broke up.

And now clowngirl I am instead of hiding vegetables in a grown man's food I'm dating a man who is terrified of meat being hidden in his vegetables.

Enough lunacy!!!

OP posts:
DivorcedMumOfAdults · 12/03/2025 23:36

I would move on before you get any more involved since you don’t think you are going to be compatible in the long term why waste time

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 23:38

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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Bloody hell, what does he do for fun? I couldn’t see him again. I love travelling and film and I love food even more. Does he like music? Reading? Anything?

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 23:38

I would text him right now with "Curious that you wont eat out in case your food is tainted but you will drink wine and beer that has non vegan finings used in its production. Can you explain that?"

Just for our entertainment obviously! I cant wait to see what ludicrous justification he will come back with!

Dweetfidilove · 12/03/2025 23:39

🥱🥱

MillieMinx · 12/03/2025 23:39

Time to send him on his way otherwise your life will be restrictive and controlled. Plenty more non vegan fish in the sea

RampantIvy · 12/03/2025 23:40

HundredMilesAnHour · 12/03/2025 23:17

No idea about beers but most wine isn’t vegan as the majority of wines allegedly use animal/fish products in part of the filtering process.

So he’s quite the hypocrite. Or maybe just using veganism as a excuse for being tight?

I do voluntary work with a lot of vegans (it’s a wildlife charity) annd even our Christmas party buffet is vegan. At no point have I ever seen any of them eat a cold tofu sandwich. I’ve had to take my own vegan packed lunch for one of my jobs (no non-vegan food allowed onsite unless it’s for the wildlife patients) and even I managed a better effort than your boyfriend (and I LOATHE packed lunches).

Show quote history

Lots of wines these days are vegan and don't use egg whites or animal products. Not all winemakers state on the bottle whether it is vegetarian or vegan, so a quick Google is very helpful. M and S are particularly good at labelling their wines.

@Beautifulbouquet Peroni and Budweiser are vegan. The other two are made in breweries where other products are not even vegetarian so there is a risk of cross contamination.

NZDreaming · 12/03/2025 23:41

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:20

I actually can't fucking believe this.

Foster's isn't vegan??

He gets it delivered every week.

It's the beer he always at home.

So he's drinking a non vegan beer but he won't even come to lunch at the restaurant where I work because he thinks they'll hide hotdogs in his hommous.

I'm honestly speechless. I will tell him about the Foster's to see what he says but I don't think ill be much impressed with his answers.

Foster's isn't vegan. Well. Well. A less strong woman would bloody text him that now.

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@Beautifulbouquet the refusing to eat has nothing to do with being vegan, it’s an excuse. I would guess it’s some type of OCD/anxiety, either of others preparing food out of his sight or perhaps he has issues with eating in public. He may genuinely fear contamination, perhaps he had a bad experience in the past, regardless of the cause it sounds like a mental health issue. Whatever the reason it’s not logical and unless he recognises this and tries to address it it’s not going to get better. It’s a big issue to be dealing with in a new relationship and unless he was amazing in all other aspects I’d be thinking to maybe pass on him.

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:41

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 23:38

Bloody hell, what does he do for fun? I couldn’t see him again. I love travelling and film and I love food even more. Does he like music? Reading? Anything?

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Sounds like it’s the beach part of the holiday though, not the holiday.

We can’t stand lying on the beach, we find it just too boring. Maybe this guy likes travelling and exploring more.

BigHeadBertha · 12/03/2025 23:41

He sounds very rigid and self-centered, all around. Like he demands every little thing go his way or no way. It sounds like he's just not a good fit for you. I'm not sure he'd be a good fit for anybody.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 23:42

YourBestFriend · 12/03/2025 23:33

Yes, vegans are always hard work. Get rid and find some carnivore man.

Unfair.

I have lots of vegan friends and they make a great effort to feed us meat eaters as we feed them.

A friend had a BBQ and cooked vegan options on the BBQ and asked to borrow a baking tray, duly loaned. Went round to said tray full of meat sausages, burgers and chicken. We do the same for them.

However the "Romesh Vegan" is annoying.

Sid9nie · 12/03/2025 23:42

That's extreme. Would he not even go to a vegan restaurant?

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 12/03/2025 23:42

Just think OP, this is how he acts during the honeymoon phase of your relationship.

This is the best of him while he is really making an effort to show you his good points and is on his best behaviour.

Who knows what more you'll have to put up with once he relaxes and shows his faults?

I'd throw this one back.

newsateleven · 12/03/2025 23:42

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:11

Are you sure it’s just the food preferences putting him off from eating out.
There are lots of vegetarian and vegan restaurants around these days……wouldn’t he go to those.

What about coffee / tea out. Not much chefs can do to contaminate those. Would he visit coffee shops?

I think it sounds like an excuse to avoid the expense.

although agree lots of restaurants still haven’t got a clue re vegan and vegetarian food. Even the likes of Jamie Oliver’s don’t know what gelatine is….

Jamie Oliver's restaurants are reheated boil in the bag garbage, it's a money grab.

PickledElectricity · 12/03/2025 23:42

Good grief, I don't think I could put up with this from a boyfriend! Maybe a friend at most. Who I only saw a few times a year 😂

I don't know what his issue is but I don't believe I word he's saying.

... I'd hate to be the first, but is he by any chance on the spectrum?

viques · 12/03/2025 23:43

If you carry on with the relationship he will be going through your fridge, freezer and cupboards and making sure you haven’t sneaked in any of the bad food, then he will start asking you what you ate for lunch and make you clean your teeth before you kiss him.

He won’t relax this obsession and will drag you into it by wearing you down inch by inch.

Elphamouche · 12/03/2025 23:44

Get the fuck out 😂😂😂

cantpullthetrigger · 12/03/2025 23:44

Partners are supposed to add to your life. He will only drain the joy from yours.

Move on I say.

Life's too short for killjoys.

ThatDoesntWorkForMe · 12/03/2025 23:44

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 22:55

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

Limited in going out with friends, to celebrations, holidays, parties etc.

But mostly, this level of rigidity so early on is unlikely to be limited to just food. I mean I’d understand if it was a severe allergy - but to be fair even then a lot of people are more flexible than this. Life is too short.

It’s just not… well… sexy at all!

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:45

newsateleven · 12/03/2025 23:42

Jamie Oliver's restaurants are reheated boil in the bag garbage, it's a money grab.

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Agree. I was shocked when the chef didn’t actually know the ingredients of the pannacotta. It arrived in dried format 🤮
Went once
Never again

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 23:45

NZDreaming · 12/03/2025 23:41

@Beautifulbouquet the refusing to eat has nothing to do with being vegan, it’s an excuse. I would guess it’s some type of OCD/anxiety, either of others preparing food out of his sight or perhaps he has issues with eating in public. He may genuinely fear contamination, perhaps he had a bad experience in the past, regardless of the cause it sounds like a mental health issue. Whatever the reason it’s not logical and unless he recognises this and tries to address it it’s not going to get better. It’s a big issue to be dealing with in a new relationship and unless he was amazing in all other aspects I’d be thinking to maybe pass on him.

Show quote history

Have to agree with this. sounds like either OCD or an ED being disguised by veganism. I disguised my ED with my job. Everyone thought that my dangerous weight loss was caused by my mad job (25000 steps a day was not unusual) but in fact I was doing that AND not eating.

But it doesnt alter the fact that this isnt a relationship I would want to be in.

samarrange · 12/03/2025 23:46

I get being vegan as a choice to try and avoid eating animal products, but the idea that if you go to a restaurant and two flakes of grated cheese accidentally land in your food then the food is somehow "contaminated" is bonkers. In effect it's making up your own religion, where some self-created deity will punish you for not following the rules. Someone like this will probably have all kinds of other "no-walking-on-the-cracks" habits too.

Ladamesansmerci · 12/03/2025 23:49

I'm vegan and this is frankly just stupid.

Veganism is about minimising the harm to animals, which you do by not contributing to the supply and demand chain of animal produce. Your vegan dish accidentally being cooked in a pan where dairy has been, or being sat next to a meat dish on the counter, does not contribute to demand for animal products.

Dump him and find someone you can enjoy a meal with without it being a hassle.