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AIBU?

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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

915 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
Flyonthewall01 · 14/03/2025 21:43

Merryberrypie · 14/03/2025 18:51

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It’s 100% not vegan, I used to work for the company that made it. I know exactly how it’s made and its ingredients. It isn’t vegan

Moonlightdust · 14/03/2025 21:46

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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Lots of signs he is likely on the spectrum. But he sounds like a hermit OP and I think I’d find it very hard to be with someone who doesn’t like holidays or eating out!

Dontsayyouloveme · 14/03/2025 21:56

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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Isn’t life too short for this hum drum existence?

Dontsayyouloveme · 14/03/2025 22:10

Dontsayyouloveme · 14/03/2025 21:56

Isn’t life too short for this hum drum existence?

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Soz.. didn’t read full thread.. I get you’re sad but honestly… life will just pass him by unfortunately x

PurpleYarnivore · 14/03/2025 22:10

My ex was like this , he wouldn’t even eat with my family who lived 5 mins away and adored him , I’d go home to theirs for Sunday lunch and on Christmas Day I’d go to theirs for lunch as he refused to go out . If we went on holiday ( was only ever in this country he’d want to eat in the hotel room or fish n chips on a bench at a push ! After 6 years I’d had enough . He said he just didn’t enjoy food it was just fuel to get thru the day . But ruined so many social occasions, birthdays , attending weddings etc

toadinthebucket · 14/03/2025 22:12

Flyonthewall01 · 14/03/2025 14:09

There’s two reasons really, in production planning you schedule the lighter tasting beers and vegan products first. So every week you’d have a planned clean of 12hours where everything is cleaned out using caustic, then when the production line comes back up into action you plan for the least strong flavoured, vegan beer first then the other vegan ones in order of flavour strength and then you move onto the non vegan ones. Typically ending the week on the strongest flavoured one.
Things might happen where you need to switch to another beer that isn’t as strong in flavour in which case you’d have to schedule a short clean in which would only take a couple of hours but if you need to switch back to a vegan product it’s another 8hour clean.
so to ensure you keep the production line producing as much as possible without stopping for cleans you try to stick to the above sequence.

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This isn't true at all. Breweries will brew one beer at a time, the equipment is cleaned out with caustic after every single brew. Vegan or not. There are 2 things that make a beer non-vegan. The use of isinglas finings (fish guts) which makes the beer clear, and lactose used in milkshake type craft ales. Many breweries these days brew hazy beer without the finings, or they use vegan finings. If they do use isunglas, they won't brew vegan beer.
Regardless, they will only generally brew one beer per set of equipment in a day due to the time it takes, the equipment is then thoroughly cleaned.

sidebirds · 14/03/2025 22:20

Tofu me once, more fool you. Tofu me twice, more fool me 😉

Katbum · 14/03/2025 22:32

This is a person with serious food issues, maybe even an eating disorder, and it’s going to cause chaos in your life you continue this relationship. Unless everything else is amazing and you can live with never being relaxed about food again for the rest of your life, then I’d move on from this man.

WendyA22 · 14/03/2025 22:38

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

Are you asking us a question?

LocutisOfBorg · 14/03/2025 22:45

Are you sure he's not married and hiding?

drspouse · 14/03/2025 22:58

YABVU. You can swing with your feet off the floor. Just pump your legs a bit.

But Anti-fa is very much not just anti racist. They are the ones that go around in black (check) wearing face masks so they can scream at feminists but their mums won't see them on telly.

Nikki75 · 14/03/2025 23:00

Your very early on in this relationship, do you really want to be this restricted refusing to eat in restaurants or takeaway having to pack picnics,social events he won't eat.
I'd see this as a no no especially if you enjoy eating out and your a foodie it's part of being social and enjoying yourself.

I dated someone once and he was always watching calories he done my head in .. he would drink plenty of beer & wine though.

Wtafdidido · 14/03/2025 23:00

If he is that rigid and obsessive I would say it’s a red flag

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 14/03/2025 23:02

He'll transfer that to your future kids if planning any.

AnAussieMum · 14/03/2025 23:47

Just a thought OP
it sounds like he could have OCD and he has safe and unsafe places and foods to eat
my daughter is terrified of uncooked meat making her sick
places she hasn’t eaten before could contaminate her
showers could have dirty water that make her sick
places with swings have had sick children on them which would make her sick
she also doesn’t like to think people know where she lives because what if they come in and hurt her or us ? hence him wanting the curtain shut.
not making excuses for his behaviours but it’s food for thought and perhaps he needs help
does he check dates on food constantly ?

toxic44 · 14/03/2025 23:52

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

Show quote history

Wow! He sounds so much fun!

bigboykitty · 14/03/2025 23:55

I think he realised he'd put the relationship at risk with his rules and rigidity. He did some backpeddaling to see how that went down but because you didn't gush and jump straight back in, he couldn't be bothered to make any more effort and just sank into feeling more and more sorry for himself. This is a pattern that I recognise from my ASD partner. It's very hard to deal with. I would have told him about the Fosters though and probably enjoyed doing so

Dawnb19 · 14/03/2025 23:56

Seems like a nightmare. What about at weddings, christenings and family meals out? That just mad. If yous went out for the day will he not even get a sandwich or chips or something? I can't imagine it. I don't go out much but it's nice to have a treat for my birthday or mother's day. For me it would be a deal breaker and would cause loads of arguments. I love going on holiday and trying the local food or eating at my mam's house for Christmas.
I work in a restaurant and they have got to be really careful with cross contamination because of allergies.

ClareBlue · 14/03/2025 23:58

ShriekingTrespasser · 12/03/2025 22:56

His dedication seems rather intense. There's a lot around this intensity which will be just as negative as not eating out.
Humans are social animals and our rituals of sharing food for occasions is a big part of life.
We're unique in the animal kingdom around that. Where other animals eat by themselves for their survival, humans eat socially and those who eat alone often don't do as well as those who eat with others.
So, that'll be a no for me.

Loads of animals eat socially. Humans aren't special, they just think they are, as they destroy all their resources.

Dawnb19 · 15/03/2025 00:06

You said he drinks Fosters Larger but that isn't vegan. They use isinglass (fish swim bladder)

ClareBlue · 15/03/2025 00:09

Humans aren't unique in celebrating milestones with a good feed shared in their social group. My goats do it all the time. I can watch the herd chomping with the new kids and letting them eat first as the collective is important to herd animals. They celebrate Spring and new pasture together. Moving as a herd and playing and having fun as they eat. They lie next to each other ruminating and chewing the cud.
It's rubbish that social interactions around food are unique to humans, but it is true it is one of the most important bonding experiences for mamals.

Mush62 · 15/03/2025 00:12

AnAussieMum · 14/03/2025 23:47

Just a thought OP
it sounds like he could have OCD and he has safe and unsafe places and foods to eat
my daughter is terrified of uncooked meat making her sick
places she hasn’t eaten before could contaminate her
showers could have dirty water that make her sick
places with swings have had sick children on them which would make her sick
she also doesn’t like to think people know where she lives because what if they come in and hurt her or us ? hence him wanting the curtain shut.
not making excuses for his behaviours but it’s food for thought and perhaps he needs help
does he check dates on food constantly ?

Who eat's uncooked meats?

Mush62 · 15/03/2025 00:14

Dawnb19 · 15/03/2025 00:06

You said he drinks Fosters Larger but that isn't vegan. They use isinglass (fish swim bladder)

Fosters ain't a drink, it's piss water 😅

SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/03/2025 00:30

He just sounds so boring. Is he anti everything? Only wears black, doesn’t have a driver’s licence, won’t do the table quiz, antifa, vegan, afraid of being burgled - where’s the fun and curiosity and spontaneity in his life? I’d be half expecting him to go off grid and/or join a movement. Does he have a job? I think the potato and six tomatoes would have done for me!

ElizaDolittle4321 · 15/03/2025 00:56

Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 18:09

Hey so we met up.

I feel really sad.

I can't really explain it. He turned up with a four pack of Fosters so I didn't tell him about the Fosters.

He said swings made him sick but he sat on one for a bit. I sat on a swing but my feet didn't touch the ground so I couldn't swing. It was all pathetic.

I guess we've split up but the conversation isn't very clear to me. He just didn't make any effort so it didn't really seem necessary. I tried to talk. I just feel sad and like he doesn't even seem to like me. I think the important thing to him is just to be able to keep living his life how he wants.

Thanks to everyone for such kindness xx

You should absolutely have told him about the Fosters. I could not have resisted and seen his face when I said it!

It sounds like you really have no closure and don't even know if you've even split up or not so it was a bit of a waste of time wasn't it. This is why I agree with a previous poster that you should have texted, but I personally would have written a long personal email and got out everything you needed to that way. Often I struggle or choke up or get nerves and get thrown face to face and I find a personal email the best way if I cannot say what I need to say face to face.