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AIBU?

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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

915 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:00

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 22:55

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

Fair points however his kitchen is dirty and unhygienic and he hasn't offered to bring a nice picnic. He did once bring a potato and six tomatoes to my house.

The more I read the replies the more I am just thinking that this isn't really about being a vegan or principles it's just someone who is hard work and not even interested in compromise

OP posts:
Haveyouanyjam · 12/03/2025 23:00

That is bizarre. My sister is vegan and she eats out regularly. Even those I’ve known who have coeliac disease who have to make sure their dinner isn’t contaminated still eat out as long as the restaurant can confirm they can keep it free of anything allergenic.

HousedInMySoul · 12/03/2025 23:01

It sounds more like an eating disorder than veganism. I can't imagine how horrible a cold raw tofu sandwich would be 😱

Mudkipper · 12/03/2025 23:01

It’s nothing to do with him being vegan. There are plenty of vegan restaurants. Book one and I’ll bet you he won’t go there either. He probably gets social anxiety or is to mean to pay or something.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 23:01

FriendsDrinkBook · 12/03/2025 22:54

It sounds like he doesn't like spending money.

A vegan can go to a vegan restaurant. Why won't he just do that?

There aren't actually that many vegan-owned and -operated restaurants, and unfortunately many of them have spring up in recent years to cash in on the 'trend' for 'plant-based' food, and serve a fairly limited range of products. In many cases the menu is full of fake 'meat', fake 'cheese', fake 'mayonnaise', and other ultra-processed industrial crap. It may technically be 'vegan' but it's not good for you, and nothing like as healthy as proper freshly-cooked vegetable-and-legume-based cuisine would be. I'd rather stay at home and cook for myself. And it would be a lot more tasty and joyful (in answer to another poster, whose imagination is so limited they think a vegan diet would be dreary and joyless)

Appalonia · 12/03/2025 23:01

SnoozingFox · 12/03/2025 22:59

Oh fuck that for a game of soldiers. Imagine taking a tofu sandwich to a hotel. Dump him because

  1. he's a vegan / fussy / restricted eater
  2. he has ridiculous ideas about eating out
  3. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour
  4. he is not interested in holidays or eating out for pleasure.

Thank U, next.

Show quote history
  1. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour

Oh that made me laugh SO MUCH!!!😂

SnoozingFox · 12/03/2025 23:02

Yes the veganism is a red herring. (Red tofu slice?) Everywhere does vegan food these days.

The problem is that he's weird and controlling.

Endofyear · 12/03/2025 23:02

God what a bore 🙄 run for the hills! He sounds a complete oddball. I know plenty of vegans, including one of my own children and they all eat out regularly. This is not about him being a vegan. It's about him being strange.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 23:02

His kitchen is dirty and unhygienic?
I take it all back.
Dump him.

Appalonia · 12/03/2025 23:03

He did once bring a potato and six tomatoes to my house.
Oh God I'm dying!😂

RatedDoingMagic · 12/03/2025 23:04

I would have zero interest in a relationship with such a person. It's not just the pickiness but the total lack of confidence in ones fellow human beings, that he would rather shut off an entire category of experience rather than trusting someone.

Lindy2 · 12/03/2025 23:04

Oh gosh. How dull.

Never enjoying a meal out together.

We just wouldn't be compatible.

Bigcat25 · 12/03/2025 23:04

What about vegan restaurants? I think being that worried about contamination is a little OTT. Sounds like it would be very limiting to be with him.

Bruisername · 12/03/2025 23:04

Does he trust the pub to only give him uncontaminated vegan beer? Are you only allowed to eat vegan when with him (or are you vegan too?)?

are you sure he’s not just tight?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/03/2025 23:04

I've probably started - as in the first few months- dating about a dozen times in my life. And they're absolutely joyous, filled with hope and happiness, everyone behaving wonderfully type times. 9 of them ended after a few months, wasn't to be. But the point is, these precious months are wonderful.
And then I read anecdotes on here all the time, where there just doesn't seem to be any of the joy - I just can't imagine it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/03/2025 23:05

Not even in a vegan restaurant? What does he think his food would be contaminated with there?

FriendsDrinkBook · 12/03/2025 23:05

@DrinkFeckArseBrick flavour probably.

saraclara · 12/03/2025 23:05

That's not veganism. That's an eating disorder. And I'd bail. I couldn't have my life restricted to the degree that we couldn't eat anywhere other than home. Not even with friends or family at their homes.

It sounds like there are other things going on as well, like the cinema thing.
So no, I'd be sorry that he has these issues, but I wouldn't want to spend my life working around them and not fully living.

WavyRavey · 12/03/2025 23:06

There's so many nice vegan restaurants that are very strict about their food, he's just being a melt

DBD1975 · 12/03/2025 23:07

OP there is more going on here than him being vegan.
I would think either a serious eating disorder or money issues.
Nobody would want to be subjected to sharing a life with someone like this, don't waste your time on him, he needs to be with another vegan who shares his views (good luck to him with finding that lucky lady)!

multilingualmum · 12/03/2025 23:07

Being fussy and rigid like this will mean he will be rigid in other areas of life and generally not very open minded, it wouldn’t be for me

Grammarnut · 12/03/2025 23:08

I would find it difficult to live with a vegan and your new DP doesn't sound a lot of fun. Does he expect you to be vegan as well?

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:08

Bruisername · 12/03/2025 23:04

Does he trust the pub to only give him uncontaminated vegan beer? Are you only allowed to eat vegan when with him (or are you vegan too?)?

are you sure he’s not just tight?

He doesn't mind what I eat.

Good point on lagers and wines as he drinks fosters, peroni, cruzcampo for sure...and Budweiser...not sure if they're all vegan? If not I am again going to have to put this to him solely to hear his no doubt firm explaination of how this is coherent

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 12/03/2025 23:10

Urgh God no. Unhygienic dirty kitchen and won't ever eat out? He does indeed sound like hard work.

GreenRugbyField · 12/03/2025 23:10

Miserable existence, avoid him