New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

Less than that I think! A month...maybe 6 weeks top.

We worked together years ago. He has a crush on me. I wasn't interested and I was with someone.

So we've known each other longer but no real contact in years.

Anyway I'm meeting him now. I expect it will go awfully some how and I'll come back and you'll all be cross.

I feel bad because he had this crush and I rebuffed him. Then we've been seeing him.

And I really let things get further than I should.

He's asked to meet at a park. He texted that he hasn't been on a swing in years.

Perhaps I'm going to see his fun side??

I, for one, am heartened that there are young people out there who see the value in face-to-face tough conversations and have rejected the phone block ghosting that started w/ the millennials. Well done, you! Your entire personality, outlook and values has cheered this curmudgeon GenXer...you sound like just a lovely person, OP. As hard as it will be, you're doing the right thing to tell him the truth of things (as long as you feel safe, otherwise ghosting/blocking is preservation/risk assessing).

This could possibly be an eating disorder. That fear of contamination is a real signal. My BIL cannot swallow food if he is in company. Sometimes, he can't even bear to have anything touch his lips. It relates to childhood trauma - there is nothing physically wrong with him, it's all in his head. Therapy hasn't helped, or not so far. He's a lovely husband and father and my DSIS has accepted for a long time that the romantic meal in or out for two isn't going to happen.

But don't jump to conclusions like 'fussy eater' or throw insults around like 'boring fucker.' My DSIS has a very happy marriage - she would love for this problem to be sorted, but mostly because it makes her DH suffer sometimes.

If you really like him, OP, give him a chance. If you don't, then it doesn't matter, does it?

I had an ex who was like this. His reasoning was that it was too expensive. But he would happily spend ££££s on alcohol each week. One of the many reasons he is now my ex.

He's gone to get a coat. He's said absolutely vegan restaurant is fine.

He's also said it's not that he'd refuse to eat out but that it is a big deal for him.

He's really heard me out. He's also clarified a couple of other things.

I'd want to know if I were inadvertently consuming a product that was against my beleifs. Maybe he does too? At least you'll tell him gently! Rather than the next person who knows, who mightn't!

So are you still on?

What about the not showering?? 🤢 This seems particularly bizarre, as he'd presumably be on "best behaviour" as you'd only been seeing each other, what a week or 2?

And the racism comments?

And the fact he gets weird about vegan food, but not about vegan beer?

It's literally been days , that you've been seeing him and he's already an absolute bore, stinky and weird. Why bother??

I couldn't live like that, it would be a hard pass from me.

I have legitimate dietry issues that could make me sick if contaminated and I love eating out different place. I rarely get sick and don't even warn them (its confusing trying to explain). I just pick food that should in all logic be safe if done properly and any decent place will be well aware of food safety and cross contamination rules so they do it properly... it's riskier to eat at someones home.

I 100% agree with your last sentence, OP. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He is an obsessive vegan, it will end in tears.

Yes, the continual reference to racist cupboards - I'd need an answer to that if I was you.

At the end of the day... it's your life and if you want to give it a shot with him then do so - but with your eyes wide open.

Wanting to play on the swings is not making him sound any better, op…

Oh FGS.

This. And from that, to distrusting you, only a small leap. I couldn't be with someone with trust issues.

You’re not going to bin him are you? FGS.

Enjoy your tofu sandwiches 😁

Imagine if your daughter was in a relationship where the boyfriend didn't shower much, doesn't keeps a clean kitchen - but casts doubt in others abilities to not contaminate food, called her racist, is so paranoid he refuses to open the blinds, got knows what his house smells like... is boring and won't go on holidays she likes, or do things like pub quizzes that she enjoys ... Would you think "WOW! what a catch?"

I’m sort of hoping you’ll tell him about the Fosters and then he will decide to be veggie for a bit and then he will see you eating steak and he will have a bit and then everything will be lovely and you can have fantastic non-tofu sex.

Distrusts anyone else making his food, dislikes sand, can't sit still for any length of time - could he be on some 'spectrum' like autism perhaps? It could be worth exploring more of his likes and dislikes, before you get too far in? *had a child who went vegan for a while - couldn't believe what they can't (or yes, won't) eat! So glad it didn't last!

no freaking way….that’s crazy

No, that would be a no frome. Never having a leisurely lunch with him at the weekend? No joining friends with him for a tasty meal out?

I'm a vegan and there are places that serve both vegan and omni food.

RUN. now.

Oh come on, it shouldn't be this hard at less than 6 weeks!!

Get rid. Half the pleasure of being in a relationship is eating out together