New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

My friend had a man like that - turned out to be married - didn't want to be seen out with another woman

I'm glad that my ASD radar is not the only one pinging here.

It doesn’t matter why he is so unpleasant he is unpleasant. Why would anyone want to have a relationship with someone who is so selfish?

he is been very honest,but don't see him compromising for you both to work as a couple..he should challenge himself more.He is dictating what's going to happen and not happen.i personally would not be happy with this,enjoying a meal out,a night away,a hoilday keeps the spark in my relationship.im sure ye could find alternatives but he sounds like he needs to make more of an effort.

Get rid, he's already laid his "me me me me" cards on the table.

I'm simply scaling back Comms for 2 to 3 days while I prepare for what will be a difficult conversation. Also it's been a month of dating. Not a marriage.

Having conversations before you're emotionally ready doesn't help anyone.

You’ve been dating a month and he’s told you many times that he loves you?

I have wondered if he is autistic and has OCD. Certainly fits from what you’ve said

After a month of dating I'd be well pissed off if I took the time to meet someone and then they told me they were ending it. Just give me a call and save me the bother of wasting an evening and travel 😂

A month?! I take back my other post now, OP. A month is hardly enough time to even know someone - and he's told you multiple times he loves you? This alone is a massive red flag and I really wouldn't want to be breaking up with him face to face. You barely know the bloke and he's bombarded you with all of this!

You seem to have done a tremendous amount with this man in the space of only a month. You’ve been away for the night, left stuff at his place and he’s told you many times that he loves you? I think I’d take it a bit easier next time, op, and actually get to know someone before going all in. It all seems a bit juvenile and didn’t require this amount of navel gazing when deciding whether or not to continue.

There is a world of difference between selfishness (deliberate and not caring) and self centredness (unable rather than unwilling to make even minor changes). The result is similar, but on closer examination the subtleties are fairly obvious. The bottom line though is whether an individual is able to cope with such behaviour. OP clearly cannot, and that is absolutely fine. However, be aware that the boyfriend may not "take the hint" about a gentle breakup and might need to hear it in very direct language. These are circumstances where "it's not you, it's me" language might be more appropriate to get the message across - for instance, I need to spend time cycling in the sunshine every day etc.

YANBU. I don't think I'd be able to be in a relationship like this either. Fwiw, I used to dump via text (in a short relationship) and suggest phonecall to discuss so they could get their thoughts straight and have the initial anger/upset reaction in private. It always worked out OK.

My friend very kindly offered to treat me to lunch at a vegan restaurant once-I looked at the menu and said 'No thank you!' it was very generic-I am a rare one as I do like vegan cheese substitutes but it seemed that it was mostly cheesy pasta dishes which I didn't like the sound of and I didn't think would give him a good impression of vegan food either!

We went to a 'normal' restaurant where the food was fab for both of us.

Greens in Manchester (vegetarian)-Just not very good? Fine, but not good. And if I am paying restaurant prices I don't want to sit on plastic 'cheap beer garden' chairs.

Corarima in Wakefield however (more 'accidentally vegan'-Excellent!

I know folk say 'I am scarred for life' in a sarcastic/humourous way but I am changed due to that relationship and I don't think it is reversible-in a way I am glad, because I can now spot the signs like a siren going off.

The rigidity can be so tiring, lots of 'We can't do this/that because of X not liking it' and the lack of flexibility, lack of respect and consideration becomes wearing very quickly.As does having to explain to other people why X never did (whatever thing).

I am very much a pleaser naturally. I wanted to make her happy but due to lack of attachment/feel for other's emotions this wasn't possible for me to do, and she couldn't compromise for me as any slight alteration to what she wanted was too much for her. For the last year or so I felt like nothing-e.g she'd never see me on a certain day no matter what-even if I was ill, it was my birthday, a big event was happening-because that's the day she did X (a totally nondescript activity that could be done any day).

I am not saying this will happen if you see this man again of course, none of us know that.
I just would like anyone with someone slightly similar to be careful.

Fosters isn’t vegan as I used to work where it was made and we’d schedule production of it after the vegan products because it would require a deep clean otherwise

I find that quite interesting-were there isinglass 'remnents' left over in the equipment?

There’s two reasons really, in production planning you schedule the lighter tasting beers and vegan products first. So every week you’d have a planned clean of 12hours where everything is cleaned out using caustic, then when the production line comes back up into action you plan for the least strong flavoured, vegan beer first then the other vegan ones in order of flavour strength and then you move onto the non vegan ones. Typically ending the week on the strongest flavoured one.
Things might happen where you need to switch to another beer that isn’t as strong in flavour in which case you’d have to schedule a short clean in which would only take a couple of hours but if you need to switch back to a vegan product it’s another 8hour clean.
so to ensure you keep the production line producing as much as possible without stopping for cleans you try to stick to the above sequence.

Actually, this is pretty much the experience of my Sister-in-law and her family as she has a life-threateningly severe nut allergy. They travel and visit but she always brings her own food.

Husband and sons all eat out on occasion but for obvious reasons (it could prove fatal), she doesn't.

It's restricting for her but she and her family are used to it. Her children have never known any different and they all cope just fine.

I am sure you would adjust providing you feel the guy is worth it.

Yeah but this isn't an allergy situation, it's a preference, very different. He's not going to die if he eats out occasionally.

Throw this man child back into the vegetable patch he crawled out of. 😆😆😆

OMG he screams control freak, it makes me wonder what other parts of his life is controlled. And whether if you ever lived together what controlling behaviours would emerge.

Personally, I would suggest to you to think about whether this is something you can live with. If not, then it's not the right time for this relationship. It's not about whether you're being irrational, but suiting your needs. Put yourself first and the right things will come. There's nothing worse than living unhappily with someone you're not gelling well with.

Sounds like he doesn't like to do alot of things how boring 😴

Fosters isn't Vegan it's made with isinglass (made from fish products)
The same goes fo Cruzcampo the other two are.

this sounds like a miserable life, bet he's shit in bed too 🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry shouldn't of said it, I'd sit down and talk it through with him, if he won't budge, I'd say goodbye to him, life is for living and being vegan shouldn't stop him 🤷🏻‍♀️