New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

But how did the conversation(s) continue when he accused you of being a (kitchen) closet racist?
Did you not challenge him on such an insulting and stupid comment (all ten times)?
Or did you meekly say, 'yes l probably am, l will try to do better'?

OP fading out is cruel and confusing and cowardly.

This. Especially given his neurodiversity. You need to tell him explicitly.

I agree with pps. He may have his faults but it is cruel to string someone along. Just tell him if you don't want to be with him.

Fosters is definately not vegan

@Beautifulbouquet

this is a man who called you racist OP, on several occasions you said. You don’t owe him anything

Vegan restaurants are a thing!

He needs help, to get a grip, and to learn that he is not the centre of the universe. Dump him !

A passing thing...
They're only good in big cities, as less than 5% of the population are vegans and restaurants rely on footfall to survive. I see so many vegan eateries closed down. People start them with a passion for what they believe to be right but they are drawing from a very small pool of potential customers. And the food normally tastes crap.

He needs to find someone with the same eating habits as him. If eating out is important to you , you might struggle in this relationship

Nearly all Indian veggie food is naturally vegan if not cooked with cream or ghee. Not crap and without any fake meat. Especially Southern Indian food.

Ok, thanks. I find Indian is a once in 6 months thing for me, I was being more general that you need a big city with a lot of footfall to justify a vegan eatery. Anything vegan I've tried i haven't liked.

Yes agree with that @Huckyfell but I think the problem with this chap is not that he is a vegan, but he's a joyless and smelly dementor!

😆😆😆yes, agreed. being clean costs nothing, apart from the other bits

I am sorry to read that.

I can empathise, mine didn't know when we first began dating either, pursued a diagnosis half way through as me and others had noticed and mentioned it.

It was very hard, I don't think I've ever been so perpetually upset in my entire life as she repeatedly did and said things that to me were almost unbelievablely cruel but to her were totally fine, and she didn't see the problem.

It has put me off relationships for certain! And same with your relationship, she could be absolutely lovely and meant well. It's very confusing and as you've said, can leave emotional scars which are hard to heal.

I will say here as a non-smelly regularly washing vegan that I agree- the none showeing thing is a deal breaker within itself!

Eritrean food is a taste sensation too! I'm lucky to have a brilliant restaurant near me, although to avoid being fat and bankrupt I only go there every so often!

I actually find the fosters habit very difficult to comprehend! Hundreds of similar lagers are vegan, why would he pick that one?!🤣

If he's autistic, he may have not been able to change his view on it no matter what OP said.

It's not the eating as such that would bother me but this rigid, fixed mindset. It sounds like he will never compromise for you and thats just not good in healthy relationships.
I was vegan for years and I had plenty of dinners out where the best offering for me was stir fried veggies. But we'd go to a vegan restaurant for the next meal out. Its about give and take and it doesn't sound like he has any give.

Yes it's quite exhausting trying to establish facts.

This is resonating. Given how early days it is.

Everything is a series of rules about what he likes and doesn't like.

Why would you bother with someone who is just so unpleasant? A relationship should be two equal partners. you are allowing him to to be the boss of you that’s ridiculous.
Being kind has got a lot to answer for

But why should it all be about what HE likes and doesn't like? A good relationship ought to take BOTH participants preferences into account. It sounds like he's doing the 'this is me, you can do your own thing if you want but I won't be joining in because...(some arbitrary rule that he's made up)'.

There's no fun in a relationship like that, no matter how nice they are. Because as they get older and more settled their world becomes smaller and smaller until you can't go outside 'because it's not Saturday!'

This made me chuckle. Dump him! I love eating out, going to the cinema and going on holiday to me is partly about eating different foods. Could not live with someone like that. Fussy eating in grown adults is a huge turn off for me. To be fair it drives me mad in kids as well (and I don’t mean those with allergies/arfid/ND - just regular fussiness).