New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

Get rid.

How fucking dull he must be if he's one of those vegans

I do think it is hard for vegans to eat out because even though more places have vegan options they are often limited and it would piss me off to pay for the same 3 options all the time. However a blanket never ever eating out ever would be a no from me - I could live with preferring to take his own but never is completely inflexible and selfish.
Also the contamination part suggests he has bigger issues

Going to put my head above the parapet here and say that I think, sadly, you are dealing with a person on the autism spectrum. My entire extended family is, and although we are completely different in the way each of us presents, the rigidness with what/where he will eat, only wearing black etc all resonate.

Obviously most of us have partners, are married etc, but it took special people to look past our individual idiosyncrasies and/or at least ones with similarly aligned foibles of their own. As lovely as this guy may have been on many levels, I think that if you are finding it stressful to navigate a relationship with him, then it’s best to let him go. There will be another person out there who is into home cooking/veganism and staying in. She just isn’t you.

And you will find someone who will be game for an impromptu bar meal and pub quiz. If it is this much hard work now, it will only get harder so best to break up before one/both of you become more attached.

This is a man who doesn’t appear to enjoy any of the pleasures in life (I don’t mean because he doesn’t eat meat) but everything seems just so dull and plain.

Does he have a good laugh about things or is he very serious?

OH haha ha 😂

Fosters and CruzCampo are not vegan
Perroni - possibly not vegan (not certified at least)

He does sound a bit controlling, and seems not to take into consideration how his quirks might dull your day. I have been with guys like this- briefly, though, because my joyometer couldn't stand being so repressed for too long.

Yeah, that's the thing - I have quite a few anxieties and worries in my life, but I can let my hair down and enjoy myself, and a good meal out is one of life's finer pleasures. This guy sounds like a grade A fun sponge that sucks all the pleasure out of everything. I'm sure there's someone equally miserable out there for him - they're welcome to each other.

Don't keep him.

No I want an answer to why he doesn’t open the blinds? Sunlight is lovely! He sounds plain odd, which there’s nothing wrong with, but being inflexible to spoils your fun there is something with! And btw my spice rack is alphabetical- what does that make me!

Your kitchen is racist.....
Don't split your laundry into whites and colours in front of him then OP

He won't open the blinds as he says people will see his stuff and then steal it.

He lives at the end of a very small cul de sac

No this cannot be true! You have jumped the shark.

It is true! He doesn't even have much worth nicking...computers and guitars. And no one walks past his house plus he has external CCTV.

Somehow all these things just seemed little quirks. It's only now I've really stopped to think about everything

Yep, I’d say that was another sign of autism. His home is his safe space, where he can eat how he likes and where he keeps the stuff that has value to him - and is nervous of anyone violating that space. I am guessing he’s not been diagnosed, as you’ve not mentioned it, but it is helpful to regard him through that lens. If you got pleasure and were compatible on other levels, it’s useful to understand this so that you can manage your relationship and work together to navigate this - but from what you’ve said here you really don’t have the ‘feels’ for him that warrant it.

I’d caution posters from mocking him, though. It’s the way he is and with the right person it would be no issue for them. He just isn’t right for you. There’s no shame in not liking someone or finding their rigid habits/preferences irritating… but I would just end it as compassionately and sensitively as you can. It’s enough to say that you are more extrovert, want to socialise and eat out with a partner, and that you aren’t a great fit.

Honestly, I'd say this but I've met people with some really unusual quirks over the years - quite often they have family members who are the same or have left them to it so they don't ever get anyone going 'hey, let's sit down and talk about why you feel you need to do that, as you seem to worry about it and it might help talking it over'. Often it's assumptions they have made or a 'fact' they are making decisions based on where they have missed the wider context. You don't know what you don't know!

Cold tofu sandwich, 1 potato and 6 tomatoes, racist kitchen cupboards. There are some funny fish out there folks, this one can go back in the sea OP.

Please tell him Fosters is not vegan, MN needs to know what he says!

Stop being so miserable. the brother's homosexuality is a key part of the story, it fleshes it out and adds colour 👌🏾

Lol at all the posters acting like veganism is the issue here because they have to believe vegans are crazy so they don't have to think about these things themselves.
Anyway this guy has OCD about food or something, accidental contamination isn't really part of veganism it's a personal thing. Veganism is about the choices you knowingly make.
And if his kitchen is filthy you know the toilet hasn't been cleaned in forever.

Is this the same boyfriend OP? If it's a different one you have very bad luck with men.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5276542-dating-a-fantasist?postsby=Beautifulbouquet

It's just that his partner was a man... Ie not just women pandering to bizarre food demands. And he was hilarious and used to make me laugh a lot with his cunning schemes to hide vegetables so I guess in my memory the fact this person was a man made the situation somehow funnier as we excitedly swopped tales.

But you're right it's not really relevant and sorry if it seemed jarring.

Yes, why also bother mentioning the brother, the vegetables, the partner, or the texting for fear of offence? Simply keep the page blank 👍🏾

It's a different one 😂

Basically if someone asks me out I se to say yes thinking I may as well then only afterwards think if it a good idea

So I'm not sure I have bad luck so much as I underestimate how many people are quite strange

Me too and I've been vegan for 23 years! Can we not 'vegan bash' for this thread please. I love eating out, love my food and wine and this bloke would drive me nuts! This isn't a 'vegan issue' at all!

is he a member of Antifa? 😂😂😂

Bin him today! 🙏👌🏾