New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

He sounds soul destroying! I'm a vegan who only dates other vegans, but I LOVE dining out, and I even (shock horror) go to restaurants with non-vegan friends and family who are eating non-vegan food around me.

Have you ended things yet? 😂

My DH of 25 years doesn't dine out either, he hates the idea that other people can hear our conversation & we can hear other people. I mean I get that, if you're a private person.

This is really odd. Do you never have a conversation while out in public?
Is he generally a paranoid person?

Argh! Never opens his blinds! Another of my personal pet peeves.

I know #notallmen but WHY do so many single men never open their blinds???

The number of times I have been on dates with someone who seems like a normal, functioning member of society then you go to their house and the bedroom is like a teenager's musty hibernation pit!!!

My ex NEVER opened his bedroom curtains because "he didn't use the bedroom in the day", but surely that doesn't mean that the house as a whole wouldn't benefit from a bit of sunshine and fresh air?!

I had lunch with a very capable seeming man a few months back and he gave me a tour of his house: the bedrooms (downstairs in a topsy turvy house) were like fusty bunkers! I thought they could double as escape rooms!

This weekend, tried again with another gainfully employed, charming man who showed me around his house: unmade bed and curtains CLIPPED CLOSED at 2 pm in the afternoon! WTF is it with men and daylight??? Are they allergic to a nice view?!

How do you match up with other vegans if that's a dating requirement?

Do you use online dating and look for people who have that in their profile?

Quaking at the thought of people overhearing conversations with my husband of 25 years. " Did you get the dishwasher salt?
No, but I remembered to get kitchen roll".😂

I live in a city with a big vegan scene, plus I'm on a vegan dating app. It definitely limits my options, but I'm fine with that!

I wouldn't even want to be friends with him, tbh. I love holidays and going to the cinema and meals out and quizzes! What does he actually like doing? He might be fascinating now but that'll wear off pretty fast

Zero tolerance for fussy eaters, get rid of this idiot before he sucks all the joy out of your life.

It sounds like OCD could be at play here. The fact that he’s using terms like “contamination” and applying rules selectively — such as considering restaurant kitchens a contamination risk while being fine with you cooking for him and being willing to drink non-vegan drinks — is quite typical of how OCD-related rules work. With OCD, people often create complex mental frameworks and rules to manage anxiety, which may not always seem logically consistent from the outside. For example, he may trust you to cook for him because it feels more within his control, whereas a restaurant kitchen introduces uncertainty that triggers feelings of contamination.

It also sounds like veganism may be functioning as part of his OCD rather than solely as an ethical or dietary choice. Sometimes, OCD can latch onto specific belief systems, like veganism, and turn them into rigid rules that are less about the actual principle and more about managing anxiety and perceived control. The underlying issue may not be about strict veganism itself but rather about the sense of control and certainty that OCD often demands.

Oh and please PLEASE ask him who is being oppressed or disenfranchised by your cupboard arrangement when you dump him! He sounds like a series of buzzwords and neuroses all stapled together into one person.

where are these lunatics living and working and managing a life? just dump them as soon as they pull this s**t. Does he not want to spend anything

He sounds like a pain in the arse and a misery

He sounds like a peculiar man…

Interesting - a vegan dating app. There's something for everyone these days, isn't there? 😀

I really want OP to come back and share his response to the issue of the non-vegan beer and his objections to eating in a vegan restaurant.

is there a factory turning them out? Every other thread on MN seems to be about these characters

Im always intrigued at whether these fussy eaters extend their fussiness into sexual activities? If you’ve stayed in a hotel with him and his tofu sandwich did he actually show you a good time in bed? I’m guessing no but maybe I’m wrong!

I can actually see where the boyfriend is coming from. My husband had awful food poisoning not once but twice from eating out. Once, he passed out going home and woke up in hospital. The other time he was working abroad and dined out. He was in a dreadful state when he came home.

He rarely eats out now. He is worried that something similar might happen again and he says that nothing compares to the food he gets at home. 😂
When he does take me out for special occasions he only eats fish and chips (we live near the coast and the fish is gorgeous) he reckons if it has been deep fried it will have killed anything nasty and he is safe.

Joyless and somewhat controlling. To care about a partner and not even make an effort. WTF!

It's going nowhere so might as well get rid now.

Don't feel too comfortable going down this road but he's incredibly affectionate, tender and into finding out what I like. He's good in bed and he's also good at kidding, hand holding and cuddling. An affectionate type.

It's quarter to 11 and he's not said good morning.

We exchanged v brief texts yesterday late afternoon.

Hopefully it can just fizzle out.

Plenty of vegans eat in restaurants. This to me points towards much bigger control issues 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Dump immediately, it will only get worse

@Beautifulbouquet

is he good looking OP? I find it hard to imagine he is as his diet of tofu sandwiches and fosters isn’t conducive to a buff physique

Good lord, this took a turn 😅

He sounded odd from the outset but just became weirder and weirder in the space of minutes 🤣🤣

Obviously, you've already concluded that you're out of this relationship (thankfully!) but my advice would be to run as fast as you can!

I had a fussy eater BF, my first one, at the grand old age of 19. After one too many crumpets with cheese, I realised that a fussy eater was not for me!

Enjoy your scone, pile on some clotted cream. Yum.

He sounds like an absolute joy!

this sounds a lot like my son who has severe OCD. .he isn't quite so obsessive about food, his thing is hygiene, but food is still an issue, in fact life is an issue. he is ridiculously rigid, controlling and rather joyless. It's a sad little life imo. Unless you are head over heels in love, I would throw this one back otherwise you will have a lifetime of issues.