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AIBU?

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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

915 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
Snowpaw · 13/03/2025 08:11

He sounds like a barrel of laughs.

Lovemycat2023 · 13/03/2025 08:13

Not even a vegan restaurant? There are ones in most towns and cities now. I found a great one in Madrid.

Sportacus17 · 13/03/2025 08:13

Couldn’t be doing with this. Boring controlling git.

FofB · 13/03/2025 08:13

Lots of wine isn't vegan either.

applemash · 13/03/2025 08:14

Agix · 13/03/2025 06:17

I have an eating disorder and cannot eat out at all. The responses in this thread are awful. It's like when you don't drink, and people try to shame you into forcing alcohol on you. The same as in... Why? Why do I have to eat somewhere else? Why does he? Why do we have to get takeaways? Whether he has an eating disorder or not... Why? Why do you have to make us?

OP can be told to break up with him without everyone being a bully about it. But people need to bully about it... why?

Just because I don't eat out doesn't mean no one else can. No one has to hang out or be with me, or OPs partner. Thankfully, my partner is very sweet and cool about it all, and never makes me eat out or get takeaways that I do not want. He can do what he likes (but he ends up eating healthier with me as a result, really).

It's so, so weird how people need to force you to eat out or get takeaways when socialising.. Like they can't socialise or have a good time without stuffing their faces, and needing everyone to join in. And being a bully if they don't / can't.

Edited

You're being just as flipping rude by referring to people who enjoy dining out as "stuffing their faces". Its perfectly possible to eat a meal out without "stuffing your face". Thats a very "shaming" comment which is ironic considering the rest of your post.

stanleypops66 · 13/03/2025 08:16

Eating out is one of my favourite things to do. I don't think I would compromise on this so early in the relationship.

SnoozingFox · 13/03/2025 08:16

To be fair, not everyone who is vegan is vegan because of concerns about animal welfare. A couple of my friends have gone vegan because they think it's a healthier diet and is more eco-friendly. They will eat vegan/plant-based food, but aren't bothered about what's in wine or whether things like crisps are 100% vegan. Wouldn't be bothered if their food was cooked in the same oven at the same time as chicken.

But this guy isn't just awkward about what he eats, he has a massive list of other things he won't do either - pub quizzes, holidays, cinema, change his clothes...

Come on, @Beautifulbouquet . You sound bright and fun to be with. You can do better.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 13/03/2025 08:21

Get rid

Timetobreathe · 13/03/2025 08:21

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:19

I'm feeling like what is the point in discussing the issue.

Also I am terrified he will back down and agree to go out for a meal now.

As it stands I can just say he's brilliant but sadly my main interest in / motivation in having a boyfriend is someone to go out for dinner with.

And we can hopefully just both accept this sad reality of two souls mates sadly cut asunder through incompatability without me ever having to listen to a stupid word that comes out of his mouth.

Also I wanted to do pub quiz last night and even though we were already in the pub he said no so we sat there trying to talk while all the questions were being read out. Maybe there would have been a question about bacon.

He also refuses to wear anything that isn't black. Because his favourite colour is black.

Show quote history

I had an ex who only wore black and made ridiculous statements about what he would and wouldn’t do ( though to be fair- he would eat anywhere)

he was later diagnosed as autistic. It was just his way of being comfortable. We split up because for me, it was a very rigid way to live.

He may be a great guy, but do you want a lifetime of this? I wish I’d thought more about the small things when choosing a partner.

MeridianB · 13/03/2025 08:21

Don’t waste a second more of your time or energy trying to figure him out. He’s simply not worth it. And if the rest of his nonsense wasn’t a dealbreaker then the dirty kitchen would be. 🤮

RunningJo · 13/03/2025 08:23

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

Show quote history

What is it he actually does like doing?

crockofshite · 13/03/2025 08:24

Agix · 13/03/2025 06:17

I have an eating disorder and cannot eat out at all. The responses in this thread are awful. It's like when you don't drink, and people try to shame you into forcing alcohol on you. The same as in... Why? Why do I have to eat somewhere else? Why does he? Why do we have to get takeaways? Whether he has an eating disorder or not... Why? Why do you have to make us?

OP can be told to break up with him without everyone being a bully about it. But people need to bully about it... why?

Just because I don't eat out doesn't mean no one else can. No one has to hang out or be with me, or OPs partner. Thankfully, my partner is very sweet and cool about it all, and never makes me eat out or get takeaways that I do not want. He can do what he likes (but he ends up eating healthier with me as a result, really).

It's so, so weird how people need to force you to eat out or get takeaways when socialising.. Like they can't socialise or have a good time without stuffing their faces, and needing everyone to join in. And being a bully if they don't / can't.

Edited

What do you do about food on holiday or when travelling? At a wedding? Socialising at friends houses?

Chonk · 13/03/2025 08:27

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:35

I actually have form for this I'm remembering.

I actually lived with a guy who wouldn't eat any vegetable except peas.

This guy's brother was gay and also would only eat about three vegetables. His partner and I used to text frequently with new ideas of how we could hide vegetables in food without them realising.

Finally we broke up.

And now clowngirl I am instead of hiding vegetables in a grown man's food I'm dating a man who is terrified of meat being hidden in his vegetables.

Enough lunacy!!!

Show quote history

What does his brother's sexuality have to do with anything?!

arcticpandas · 13/03/2025 08:28

As a vegetarian who is not fussed about eating out, don't like pub quizzes and also find it hard sitting through a film ar cinema I would still not date him because :

He is super rigid. Even if you don't like something (eating out, pub quiz, cinema) you can still make an effort for the other person to do these things every once in a while.
He wears the same black clothes all the time 🤢 and his kitchen is really dirty 🤮.

Deetroit · 13/03/2025 08:28

What a friend said to me, when I was at university and dating a vegan with a long fingernail and a squeaky voice, and bad trousers, though he was really very gorgeous:

“Is he any good in bed?”. The answer was no. She said that was the answer. So there you have it. Apply that final question to six tomato man.

Daisyvodka · 13/03/2025 08:28

The fact he hasn't checked about Fosters is making me think he's just very rigid human being who has fixed ideas in his head and those people are NOT good to date. It is entirely possible that its autism, or an eating disorder - and we should be sensitive to those factors, but having one of those conditions means accepting that you will limit your dating pool, unfortunately. Hopefully he finds the right person for him, but he's not for you!

Dying to know what he says about Fosters and vegan restaurants, please let us know!

I'm not vegan but I love going to veggie/vegan food places so this would wind me up purely based on that, it's so much fun seeing what people can do without meat or dairy! (Thinking of vegan brownies here which IMO tend to be superior)

LogicVoid · 13/03/2025 08:29

Yeah. No. Throw back. This behaviour won't be an isolated issue.

JustMarriedBecca · 13/03/2025 08:33

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

Show quote history

BIN

Noshowlomo · 13/03/2025 08:35

In the bin with him

Deathraystare · 13/03/2025 08:39

Is it just eating out? Do you go out anywhere else? Perhaps he is hiding something (other girlfriend or wife???)

Nonrienderien · 13/03/2025 08:39

crockofshite · 13/03/2025 08:24

What do you do about food on holiday or when travelling? At a wedding? Socialising at friends houses?

Show quote history

Probably like anyone else with problems around food. They make excuses & basically go out of their way to avoid situations where food is involved. If forced to have a meal for example at a wedding they would move food around their plate,take a few mouthfuls then head to the toilet.

TakingBackSunday · 13/03/2025 08:41

Bloody new app haha I meant to click YANBU obviously you’re just not compatible.

cocoromo · 13/03/2025 08:41

life is too short for this nonsense, find someone you can enjoy life with 😀

Huckyfell · 13/03/2025 08:42

AngelinaFibres · 13/03/2025 08:02

Do vegan women give blow jobs. Presumably they don't swallow.

Show quote history

Again, they don't take meat, so that's a no.