Page 13 | New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

Beautifulbouquet · 2025-03-12T22:43:21+00:00

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever. He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me. I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to. His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food. I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 13/03/2025 07:44

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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Not really understanding what you see in him, he sounds like a total fun sponge.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 13/03/2025 07:44

Agix · 13/03/2025 06:17

I have an eating disorder and cannot eat out at all. The responses in this thread are awful. It's like when you don't drink, and people try to shame you into forcing alcohol on you. The same as in... Why? Why do I have to eat somewhere else? Why does he? Why do we have to get takeaways? Whether he has an eating disorder or not... Why? Why do you have to make us?

OP can be told to break up with him without everyone being a bully about it. But people need to bully about it... why?

Just because I don't eat out doesn't mean no one else can. No one has to hang out or be with me, or OPs partner. Thankfully, my partner is very sweet and cool about it all, and never makes me eat out or get takeaways that I do not want. He can do what he likes (but he ends up eating healthier with me as a result, really).

It's so, so weird how people need to force you to eat out or get takeaways when socialising.. Like they can't socialise or have a good time without stuffing their faces, and needing everyone to join in. And being a bully if they don't / can't.

Edited

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. However OP is in charge of her own responses and can absolutely choose not to be in a relationship with this man.

Mumrun25 · 13/03/2025 07:44

Way too high maintenance.

Sounds like he has some off the scale anxiety or he's absolutely rigid in his opinions and views - either way he will be unbearable to live with.

Avoid making your life all about his whims and....NEXT man please.

N.b don't date anyone whose whole personality is their diet. It's utterly tedious.

Comedycook · 13/03/2025 07:47

Picture the scene

You're walking arm in arm with your lover on a sunkissed beach on a beautiful greek island....when you spot a taverna overlooking the sea. The waiter shows you to your table and you gaze out at the Ionian sea....you are handed a menu and select some traditional dishes and seafood....meanwhile your lover is busy rummaging through his rucksack to find his white sliced bread and packet of tofu.

Kitkatfiend31 · 13/03/2025 07:48

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 12/03/2025 22:46

That on its own wouldn't bother me toooo much. You can have non eating dates!

Dates yes. But long term to never eat out even for a special occasion. What about holidays? Dump him.

VolcanoJapan · 13/03/2025 07:48

MiddleAgedDread · 12/03/2025 22:49

Oh gawd, nothing sucks the enjoyment out of food like a vegan!! If you enjoy food and eating out then put this one in the compost bin.

The compost bin 😂

Dawninglory · 13/03/2025 07:48

Hi Op, it sounds to me that he has ASD. My DD has and is very similar in ways. He may be undiagnosed my DP is. And he's had food issues as a child. But as an adult doesn't go out alot, since we've had DD he no longer sees any friends. It becomes overwhelming for the me, and I feel like a carer to both.

GCAcademic · 13/03/2025 07:50

A fussy eater wouldn't get past the first date with me. I can't bloody stand them. As for not going on holiday . . . no, thanks. This person simply isn't partner material.

Butchyrestingface · 13/03/2025 07:51

I couldn't be arsed with all that so another vote for DUMP. Dating is supposed to be fun, not a complete fucking minefield, esp with someone who's happy to sink all the non-vegan alcohols of the day, but won't eat vegan in a restaurant with his partner lest the chef contaminate his plate with animal fat or some such.

That said, there was a beautiful cafe near where I used to live who routinely advertised their "vegetarian option" as tuna. I tweeted them about this (I'm not even vegetarian) and they ignored and carried on. 🤷‍♀️ So I don't necessarily think his argument is ENTIRELY baseless. It's just not a position I'd be willing to accommodate.

Londonrach1 · 13/03/2025 07:52

We don't eat out due to money...but to never go out. No bin this one...more fish in the sea....

Duckswaddle · 13/03/2025 07:52

Dude sounds unhinged. You know you can definitely do better. What a miserable limited life you’d have otherwise…

saraclara · 13/03/2025 07:53

While we're armchair diagnosing, I'm going to volunteer OCD. That level of control and fear of 'contamination' goes along with it.
It's a terrible condition, and if he has it, I feel for him.
But the way you want to live your life is incompatible with the way he needs to live his, so ending the relationship is entirely reasonable.

Londonrach1 · 13/03/2025 07:53

Comedycook · 13/03/2025 07:47

Picture the scene

You're walking arm in arm with your lover on a sunkissed beach on a beautiful greek island....when you spot a taverna overlooking the sea. The waiter shows you to your table and you gaze out at the Ionian sea....you are handed a menu and select some traditional dishes and seafood....meanwhile your lover is busy rummaging through his rucksack to find his white sliced bread and packet of tofu.

You paint a good picture there ..lol

Clearinguptheclutter · 13/03/2025 07:54

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:49

We stayed in a hotel for a night. He brought some bread and a packet of tofu and ate that for dinner (yes a cold tofu sandwich). At breakfast he said he wasn't hungry. Only yesterday he said that actually he never eats out.

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Omg

this is definitely a dumping scenario, sorry

Clearinguptheclutter · 13/03/2025 07:54

saraclara · 13/03/2025 07:53

While we're armchair diagnosing, I'm going to volunteer OCD. That level of control and fear of 'contamination' goes along with it.
It's a terrible condition, and if he has it, I feel for him.
But the way you want to live your life is incompatible with the way he needs to live his, so ending the relationship is entirely reasonable.

This tbh.

Pipsquiggle · 13/03/2025 07:55

@Beautifulbouquet he does sound a bit of a mood hoover on all aspects that usually enhance your life - going out, socialising and eating with friends, going on holiday etc.

I am assuming he has some redeeming features, however, I doubt they would usurp the above unless your life's goal is to become a tofu eating hermit.

AngelinaFibres · 13/03/2025 07:56

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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Oh no. Bye bye now

AngelinaFibres · 13/03/2025 08:02

Huckyfell · 13/03/2025 07:27

I don't think they are allowed to breed, 1. They aren't allowed meat. 2. They aren't allowed milk.

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Do vegan women give blow jobs. Presumably they don't swallow.

strangerthang · 13/03/2025 08:02

He sounds possibly autistic? Rigid thinking, difficulty with food, wearing the same clothes (with rules around colour), maybe he was unwilling to commit to a pub quiz as it wasn't what you planned? Hasn't been on holiday in 6 years (could be difficulty with change if it isn't money related?).
Does he have any intense interests (other than veganism) or have you noticed heightened sensitivities?
Either way it sounds like you are incompatible.

Nonrienderien · 13/03/2025 08:04

This degree of paranoia around food is not normal. People with special dietary requirements can usually be catered for nowadays in most establishments. I can understand it's worrying for those with severe food allergies. This man as well as being vegan sounds like he has a severe eating disorder.

ChaToilLeam · 13/03/2025 08:08

It sounds like something is not quite right with him and perhaps he can’t help that. But you are fundamentally incompatible, unless you wish to shrink your life down to fit in with him. I don’t see him offering much compromise.

in short: move on. Cold tofu sandwiches don’t need to be in anyone’s life.

Lentilweaver · 13/03/2025 08:10

With your further updates, i can see that if you stay with this guy, you will end up being his carer. Some people enjoy that. You likely won't.

19lottie82 · 13/03/2025 08:10

This would be a 100% deal breaker for me, I love dining out. Especially with my other half.

rosehipstalk · 13/03/2025 08:10

So basically, no meals out, no beach holidays, no cinema, and every time you stay in a hotel he's going to bring his own food?

No bloody way- he sounds miserable AF.

I have no issues with anyone being vegan and I myself dont drink alcohol but that doesnt mean you have to become a hermit and refuse to go out anywhere or do anything fun.

In the bin with him.

DreamyRedNewt · 13/03/2025 08:10

What a sad existence!
Cannot he go to a vegan restaurant at least? The food won't be 'contaminated' there. Depending where you live, if there are some vegan restaurants, at least that's something.