To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always believed that being on time is one of the simplest ways to show respect for other people. If I make plans, I do everything I can to be there when I said I would - so I find it really frustrating when others don’t do the same.

I get that things happen - traffic, delays, life - but when someone is consistently late, it feels like they just don’t care. Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I’ve had friends show up 30+ minutes late to dinner without even apologising, colleagues who breeze into meetings 10 minutes after they start, and even dates who seem to think ‘fashionably late’ is a personality trait.

AIBu to think that punctuality isn’t just about being on time but about basic consideration for others? Or am I just being too uptight about it?

I'm with you on this. Other members of my family less so, and it drives me nuts.

I think the examples in your post are extreme, but I also don't think being a bit late to something is necessarily a sign of disrespect.

I really struggle with managing my time and am often late despite rushing like crazy. Not usually really late these days but often 5 minutes or so. I try to counter it and allow extra time but find it really really difficult. It's like my brain tells me I have loads more time than I actually do, or like time just disappears / ceases to exist as I get distracted into another task. I've even been late for job interviews and flights so it's not like I just can't be arsed. Sometimes I've arrived really early as I've tried to compensate, and still managed to be late as I've waited for some time then thought "oh I have time to use the loo".

YANBU. My mum is consistently late for everything and honestly, the arguments and upset we have over it are the worst thing about our relationship.

I tell a lie, she isn't late for everything, just things she apparently deems unimportant, like dinner at my house which I've cooked and got ready for a specific time, my son's nativity play (there were limited tickets)... her record was being late to pick me up after the end of one of my university terms by nine hours. Yes I could've got a train home in that time but she had offered to pick me up in her car and just didn't. It's so hurtful to me and she just doesn't get it. She doesn't apologise, ever.

Punctuality really isn’t easy for some ‘time-blind’ people but they should at least understand that it’s a failing and apologise.

Agree OP. I think people who are continuously late have no respect for the persons time who is doing the waiting, especially if they seem so nonchalant about it.

I agree. As you say, things can happen to make someone late but if it's just a case of not getting organised to be on time, it's rude.

YANBU, it is something that really bothers me. It is so rude.
And I will get in before someone else does about being ND and having time blindness. If something you do has a negative affect on others, then you work hard to try and work round it.

It is the absolute rudest thing ever. I thought I’d have enough time… feck off.

Reminds me of my dad when I was at university. Pre mobile phone days so I didn't even get a message.

Some people have ADHD and struggle with time keeping but it would annoy me if someone was consistently late. However I would be equally annoyed by someone arriving dead on time for a dinner party, I prefer it when people are 10-20 mins late to give me more time when I’m running late!!

YANBU

Mobile phones have made it easier for the habitually unpunctual as you can update people on your progress, but that still doesn’t make it ok.

Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I think this is a huge misunderstanding of other people's motivations who are not like you.

I can be late sometimes. I am not hugely bothered by other people's punctuality. I don't attach massive value to it. My honest assumption is that punctual - and, worse, early - people are a bit neurotic with a stick up their arse.

I'm not thinking your time is more valuable than mine. I'm thinking you should chill a bit.

Do you ask blind people to just see stuff too?
I’ve got one leg, should I ‘work around’ that?

It depends. I personally am very aware of time , and like structure and routine , but I also have friends who are neurodiverse in other ways , and have difficulties with time management . However , they usually apologise and are often embarrassed, if they are late - unlike those you mention who regard it as fashionable.
Then I have friends who perhaps are undiagnosed or unaware , and do not seem to understand, care or bother. Which is very frustrating.
I hope that those who really don’t care are a small minority.

I have a stupid aversion to being too early, so I usually time things to arrive exactly on time. That means I am occasionally late if something unexpectedly goes wrong, but I text to let them know. Even when I plan to arrive early, I usually end up being just on time because I suddenly think of something quick I can fit in. Bad habit, and I do think it's disrespectful to be late so end up rushing.

I’m never late, I have the kind ofautism that’s so uptight about rules that I’m often stupidly early sitting outside. But my daughter has awful time blindness. She genuinely can’t gauge how long a thing has taken her. She works hard to combat it with often 5 minutes apart alarms to keep her on track, but it’s so hard for her.

Of course not. But some things can be helped, if with a little help from alarms, prompting from other people etc.
And being blind or having one leg does not affect other people.

Sibling of mine lost their most significant relationship because of their lack of concern for other people's time. Manages to get to meetings and work on time yet their neurodivergance seems to kick in only when they're not getting paid.
Only got to a parents funeral on time due to another siblings actual pushing into car.
It's disrespectful and as can manage for work completely clear that it's a priority decision.
Leave early. Sit somewhere and wait until the correct time. It's what people who actually give a stuff and care about other people do.

Recently arranged a dinner for some friends at a restaurant. It was the first time we'd had time together in years..I let them know we had the table for 90 minutes only. And one friend was over half an hour late. Without a good reason at all. I was sitting there getting more and more anxious. It was awful. And I felt quite disrespected.

On every forum worldwide the same tedious thread appears every bloody week and it’s the same bloody predictable replies every.single.time. Blah blah blah no respect blah blah blah their time is more valuable blah blah blah so rude.

If someone is late for me though, I tend to think "oh, their time was indeed more valuable than mine". It's ok if someone's time is more valuable.

I assume they were delayed because the previous thing they were doing took longer. And it must have been important otherwise they'd have stopped on time.

And I assume people can extend me the same courtesy.

In the days of zoom I fricking hate it. Everyone there at 14:59 rolling their eyes when I log on at 15:03. It's just silly.

If someone's late it doesn't matter, just finish the same time you would have done, and take 10 minutes less over it.

I had a friend once that would regularly be 45-60+ minutes late for us meeting up. She never apologised. I phased the friendship out in the end.

Another friend who was ND was late all the time but she was proud of it. Like it was a personality trait. She'd always insist on looking her polished best as she couldn't bear to leave the house without a full face of makeup on. It never occurred to her that it was really rude to be late for things because she prioritised her time differently. But she'd be consistently late for everything and not see the big deal. She even said once that it shouldn't matter because people need to accept that she is ND and never made any efforts to change things. She'd never been able to hold down a permanent job.

5, 10, 15 minutes late I wouldn't care about. But consistently 30+ minutes late, when you are meeting someone in a public place so they are waiting around for you? Come on.

I think it's a divisive one....

I have a dear friend who I love to pieces. She is on the autism spectrum and I think this affects how she is with her routines, but she's up early, kids up early, wants to meet at 9 and will kind of blurt this routine at me and I'm like 😬. We're a very 'chilled' out kind of family. I like a lazy morning, couple of coffees. The kids are chilled too. I like to have a 10-11am meet up.

I often sacrifice what my ideal time would be as my poor friend kind of blurts a plan at me and completely unintentionally 'dictates' our meet up schedule. Because I'm easy going, I'll tend to go agree with it. We'll inevitably be 10 mins late as it's just too early for us ! She always jokes to me that I'm always 'late' but actually she's always 'too early ' for me!

It's my fault I know. I should tell her. But it's easier said than done when someone is on the autism spectrum, you just kind of get this plan done for you (and it's so well intentioned) but our preferences are unintentionally not considered 😬

So I guess, my perspective is... If it's a non work or appointment related one - I wonder if the person complaining about their friend being always late has actually thought about whether their plans are timings work for the other person ? Are they a well intentioned time dictator ?

If it's work or appointments then perpetual lateness is sloppy and says a lot about that person's work ethic / general priorities/ laziness

I always assume people who turn up early/on time haven't got much going on in their lives and are overly keen.

My partner and I met up with some family members recently, we rushed and got there five mins late, expecting they'd be looking at the menus. No, they'd apparently downloaded the menu the previous night and spent the evening discussing what they were having and so had already ordered. Can't imagine having that much free time 😳