To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always believed that being on time is one of the simplest ways to show respect for other people. If I make plans, I do everything I can to be there when I said I would - so I find it really frustrating when others don’t do the same.

I get that things happen - traffic, delays, life - but when someone is consistently late, it feels like they just don’t care. Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I’ve had friends show up 30+ minutes late to dinner without even apologising, colleagues who breeze into meetings 10 minutes after they start, and even dates who seem to think ‘fashionably late’ is a personality trait.

AIBu to think that punctuality isn’t just about being on time but about basic consideration for others? Or am I just being too uptight about it?

If you are time blind you set alarms and plan carefully to manage the situation. It's when you don't bother to give the subject enough attention or care that you end up being late. If people who are time blind were to go around saying "I'm awfully sorry, I am time blind so I may be up to two hours late" they wouldn't get away with it. But that's what some posters are saying.

Anyone can be late. That's why you do your best to be on time usually so you can be forgiven for the odd occasion you aren't punctual.

I get time anxiety as my DM was always late when I was a kid, I was always that kid waiting on my own to be picked up and as a result I've gone the other way. I think it's rude and disrespectful to never be on time for things. As a result I will always be early and wait in the car/mooch about for 10 mins.

Funnily enough, my issues are with rheumatology and I have experienced exactly the same, 10am appointment and on arrival a 90 minute delay.

I accept delays as you have described but I don't accept clinics starting late in the first place and it's particularly annoying when there's no apology.

I had a friend who was regularly either late or early. He lived 5 minutes away. I once turned up at 7.32 and got moaned at for being "late". He told me 7.30 but turned up 7.20. He didn't get my issue of having to text him because he'd kept me waiting for 15 minutes.

I have a friend who'd tell me between 6.30 and 6.45. I think once he was later than 6.40. But he text me and said he's running 20 minutes late.

Scientists on a BBC video.

What about the scientists on the BBC video?

I wonder if people who place little value on accurate time keeping, feel the same if their lack of punctuality has a negative impact on them and not necessarily, those around them.

At a hairdresser’s appointment ( for which I was on time), a client with a different stylist arrived 15 minutes late for the appointment. This meant that there wasn’t sufficient time for her to have the service she’d booked, without pushing back subsequent appointments, which the hairdresser refused to do. She was very angry about it, but why should the hairdresser and other people be inconvenienced by her failure to arrive on time? It wasn’t a question of travel problems, she was just late and assumed it didn’t matter.

If a play starts at 7.30 you need to be there at 7.15 latest

This is clearly nonsense - and a choice you want to make. That's fine, but it's not the only way to organise your time.

I would have gone to the loo at home and, if I wanted a drink at the interval, I'd buy a drink at the interval. So I don't need to be there 15 minutes before just to hang around waiting for the thing to start.

I knew you’d get all this ‘time blindness’ nonsense in the replies.

I agree with you OP. I've dropped friends because of it.

I think time is relative.

I have ADHD and time blindness. I genuinely believe I can do a 30 minute journey in 10. I really try to be on time for things, but frequently am not and it’s not because I don’t respect people.

I work in public transport so to be at my post “on time” I’m told to arrive 15 minutes beforehand to get into my uniform, get all the equipment I need, and be ready for work. It’s bled into other parts of my life, so I’m like the first one to turn up. But if I’m not on time then the service can’t run on time so it’s very critical I keep my end of the deal.

My industry attracts a higher than average rate of people with ADHD and ASD, and they thrive on timekeeping. Not all people with ND are created the same!

The only time I won’t be prompt is when an invitation to a party says 7pm. I hate being the first to a party that hasn’t warmed up yet so will arrive at 8pm, and still be one of the first people to turn up!

I hate being late though, and I resent other latecomers too.

If I can't trust you to be on time, what can I trust you with?

(Also if you're half an hour late that half an hour I could have spent longer in bed. That's what's rude about it)

My hairdresser, doctor, dentist, nail tech, optician, hospital appts never run to time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YaNbu - we have a friend who is usually about 30 mins late - not through malice, bit she'll often get distracted.by a minor job that needs doing (obviously one that could wait). We all know she does it so often tell her a time to meet 30 mons before! Last time she was late to the theatre (arrived as queue was nearly finished going into theatre) - and she had the tickets!

My optician never ran to time, which is the reason I go somewhere else. The hairdresser has never kept me waiting more than a couple of minutes.

My DD has adhd.

Once we were all going on holiday and various adults were meeting up at a railway station to get a lift to the holiday cottage.

I warned my DS that my DD had a habit of being late and he might want to bring a book and check there was a coffee shop.

That's fine, he said, how late is she?

Her record is 5 hours.

She does miss trains. Never missed a plane but it's been close on occasion.

Nobody likes waiting 5 hours for someone.

You need to be in your seat for the curtain going up at 7:30. People arriving at 7:30 delayed the show!

Yes, but you don't need to be in a theatre at 7:15 to be in your seat for 7:30.

I do agree with you, OP, but one thing that is quite often overlooked (and often by people who don’t like people turning up late, too) is people calling a meeting, and then because they are disorganised, haven’t thought about the agenda - if they’ve even prepared one - and haven’t thought through what they are trying to achieve from the meeting, then overrun by more than 30 minutes, in some cases!
In my work, I have, so many times, had to leave a meeting to go to the next one before the purpose of the first meeting has been fulfilled! It’s incredibly frustrating and quite rude of the organisers to call on many people’s time, only to overrun and try to take up more time than they have scheduled…

I used to have a friend who was routinely late to meet up. I eventually stopped bothering at all. So many times I said no to doing things with other people because I already had something arranged with this person, only for them to be an hour late, leaving me sitting around, waiting for them to arrive. I have enough other friends who don't waste my time, so I see them instead.

All I meant was that it can lead to misunderstandings, people taking offence when none was meant, people being deprived of the opportunity to manage their own time effectively, businesses losing out on productivity, and the various other things that have been mentioned on this thread.

Do you leave work 5 minutes late?

I normally leave between 15 and 45 minutes after the "official" end of the day.

I’ve lost friends because of lateness. I just accept that I’m not going to be friends with someone who places so much emphasis on timekeeping and being 10 minutes late.

I’ve have friends who “disrespect my time” by expecting me to listen to things I’ve no interest in, like their kids, it’s fine - that’s the give and take of friendship. I accept that people think that someone being late is about people totting up who and what matters and deciding the person they’re meeting is of lowest value. I find that such a strange conclusion to draw. It’s generally a sign we’re not going to eye to eye on other things anyway.

Just ugh to this post