To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always believed that being on time is one of the simplest ways to show respect for other people. If I make plans, I do everything I can to be there when I said I would - so I find it really frustrating when others don’t do the same.

I get that things happen - traffic, delays, life - but when someone is consistently late, it feels like they just don’t care. Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I’ve had friends show up 30+ minutes late to dinner without even apologising, colleagues who breeze into meetings 10 minutes after they start, and even dates who seem to think ‘fashionably late’ is a personality trait.

AIBu to think that punctuality isn’t just about being on time but about basic consideration for others? Or am I just being too uptight about it?

But it can be mitigated by setting alarms and not ignoring them.

There are a range of strategies that people with disabilities use to navigate the world. Time blindness is no different.
I am hugely anxious about being late as I can get distracted and I don’t trust public transport or traffic so factor in extra time. I don’t expect people to arrive early like me. I do expect on time (5-10 minutes late isn’t a big deal, nor is contacting someone to say you’re running late).
My SIL is always late. Really late. Last time she was invited for Christmas dinner she was very late and missed the given time for sitting down to dinner. We no longer invite her family for proper meals. It’s hugely disrespectful of my time and effort (and no she never calls to update and I am the ND one).

No, I wouldn't do that. And, furthermore, I would think anyone who did that was unhinged.

If we were meeting in a pub at 8, I would endeavour to get there for 8. But if there was a choice of buses that would drop me right outside at either 7:05 or 8:05, I would choose the 8:05 one.

If the 8:05 one was running more than, say, 10 minutes late, I would text to apologise that I was going to be late.

If someone got annoyed because I turned up at a pub less than 15 minutes after we'd agreed, I would start thinking we are not going to get on.

Yes, I mistyped it. Misspoke it. Misremembered. Said the wrong thing. You got me. Auditoria are not dark when you go in, although the lighting can be more subdued than in the foyers outside.

They don’t compare, actual blindness can not be fixed, time blindness can be fixed (I say that from personal experience!) habits can change and it can be worked on but actual blindness can’t

How? Please tell me because I can't arrive places on time unless I aim to be 2 hours early (which is how I make it to airports on time).

You just answered it yourself, you make it to an airport because you plan to be early. A blind person can’t plan to look out the window and see what’s out there. That is how they don’t compare

They don't. There are no strategies I can put in place to see better. Someone with "time blindness" can

I can't aim to be 2 hours early to every occasion. That's just not how life works. Sometimes I have to be in one place at 1pm and another at 5pm. This should be perfectly manageable and is for most people. I know how long it takes to travel between them. I know that I should allow more "wriggle room" but I have no idea how much or how to be a reasonable amount early rather than hours early or otherwise risk being late and considered unforgivably rude.

I am not saying that it is the same as being blind. I genuinely asked for your advice and you were unhelpful.

Also, I don't always make it to the airport on time!

@CoralCrab you haven't accounted for people with time blindness.

Being consistently late IS rude. It just is.

I thought you were asking how they don’t compare so sorry for that I now realise you asked how as in how to ‘fix’ time blindness.
I had to just change the way I did things, I would always put off getting ready for something because I had X amount of time left before I had to leave and before I knew it I had 10 mins to get ready so now I get ready first before I do anything else. I try stop myself doing little tasks before leaving so I might think I’ve got 10 mins before I leave so I’ll just peg the washing out which then makes me late. Just little changes like that helped me hugely

Thank you. And actually I see what you mean about your response now!

I do try this. So I get ready, then I've got an hour before I need to leave. Sometimes I leave an hour early and use this time to eg. walk around the area near where I am going, or read in a coffee shop while waiting for a friend. This can be nice. But sometimes this isn't practical. So I sit down and do something at home, and suddenly don't realise that it's been 90 minutes. There's also the ADHD thing of needing a time limit - if I have 10 minutes to hang out laundry, I will do it. If I wait until I get back, I won't ever hang out the laundry and I'll have to wash it again. And the OCD issues of checking and rechecking - the earlier I am ready, the longer I have to worry.

None of these are excuses and I do need to try harder because it's getting worse again. I hate being late, particularly when I'm only meeting one person. I feel awful thinking of them waiting for me. I completely understand why people think it's disrespectful, but I'm not intending to be rude.

I think the fact you’re working on it and consider how the person your meeting will feel shows you’re not deliberately being rude or disrespectful. Just keep trying, I know that’s not great advice but it’s all we can do

Oh bore off ! Don't comment if you have nothing particularly nice to say. This bloody site lately, full of absolutely dogs!

I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I was thinking more about the idea of 40 minutes late being ok.

I make lot of grammatical errors. It is not because I am lazy. I just don't see them or recognise them. I write what comes out of my head.

Before I post, most words have red lines under them.

However, if you get mad at how people type online then I suggest you get outside for a bit.

@ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot so in your example of sitting down and reading...perfect point to set an alarm for 45 mins that says "stop reading" "shoes on .leave". My dd does this at 13 as she's learned it's how she gets herself ready for school on time. She gets up and hour earlier than she needs to just so that she can build in lots of this.

If planning to be there 2 hours in advance makes you be punctual then yes you can. Being punctual at the first will knock on to the others, just as being late will.