To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always believed that being on time is one of the simplest ways to show respect for other people. If I make plans, I do everything I can to be there when I said I would - so I find it really frustrating when others don’t do the same.

I get that things happen - traffic, delays, life - but when someone is consistently late, it feels like they just don’t care. Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I’ve had friends show up 30+ minutes late to dinner without even apologising, colleagues who breeze into meetings 10 minutes after they start, and even dates who seem to think ‘fashionably late’ is a personality trait.

AIBu to think that punctuality isn’t just about being on time but about basic consideration for others? Or am I just being too uptight about it?

I go to the theatre quite often. Mostly my local city theatres but several times to the West End and Broadway in the last couple of years. If I am parking at the NCP next to Leicester Curve, I can be driving into the car park at 7.15 for a 7.30 show. If I am walking into the main entrance to Nottingham Playhouse, I will be in my seat in two minutes.

But, fair enough, I have been late for one theatre performance in my life. We were driving down from the Midlands to London. Car started playing up about fifty minutes into the trip. Had to limp back home to pick up the other car, then rush down the M1 to where we had planned to stop at the underground. Had factored in lunch etc before show, so had to abandon that plan.

Still got to the theatre about 2.31 for the 2.30 matinee. Had to wait for a suitable break in the show to enter. Fair enough. Missed the first ten minutes or so. Apologies to the people we inconvenienced.

Apart from that one time, I'm not 100% sure why it makes any difference to you what time I go to the theatre.

The final bell is 3 minutes before the show. There's your clue. The show hasn't started. There is no need to be inside already.

@BoredZelda I agree with the pp. You are too busy to factor in a bit of failsafe time but you don't think the person you're meeting has anything better to do than twiddle their thumbs waiting for you?

So you are completely capable of being somewhere at a precise time then? And make your friends wait for you in pubs and coffee shops because…what?
Incidentally the three minute bell is a final warning for stragglers. If everyone waited for it there would be a problem. You thinking people going in at 7.20 are sitting in the dark gives away that you have never been in before the curtain is actually rising. Those things (house lights down, overture and curtain) happen at the same time. And what if you get to the Car Park and someone else is dicking about and holds you up for 5 mins?

Time blindness is an excuse with today’s technology.

You can run your day via alarms.

Time yourself putting on your make up for a week find the average now you won’t be late due to that. Work out genuinely how long a regular trip takes you and keep note.

My day is ran my alarms because I’m a if your not early to the location you are late person so no that doesn’t mean I knock on a 8pm meet at 7:50pm but I will make damn sure I’m ready to be for 8pm even if that inconvenienced me by waiting in the cold or something.

Hell I even have alarms to make sure we have all done and eaten breakfast and it’s hair style time.

Too busy? Never said that, or anything like it.

And make your friends wait for you in pubs and coffee shops because…what?

Because, as I've said repeatedly, none of us see it as an ordeal to sit in a pub for ten minutes with a drink, just as you don't find it an ordeal to sit in an auditorium for ten minutes with a drink.

You can run your day via alarms.

I mean, you could, but what a grim way to live your life.

If your time blind that’s exactly what you need to do to not basically fail in life. If you can’t get where you need to be when you need to be there you need to put in place things to help you.

Why is a wake up alarm any better than a oh shit should be leaving the house in 10 minutes alarm.

@BoredZelda on p8 you said you didn't have the time to spare to leave half an hour early.

If all of you are equally likely to be late for each other & are all happy with that, that’s fine.

If you were arranging to meet someone who you hadn’t made plans with before, presumably you’d check that you both understood each other’s ideas on punctuality?

It doesn’t have to be an ordeal for it to be a bit irritating. If I knew you were a person who could reliably time a 7.28 entrance into an auditorium but you couldn’t meet me at the time we had arranged I’d find it annoying. Even if I was quite happy on my own. But then entering an auditorium as the lights go down every single time (which you must do, because you don’t know they are normally on before the start) does show your attitude to the needs and wants of others I guess.

I went to the cinema earlier this year. Film was 1.5 hours long with adverts of 20 minutes at the start. Can't believe people were walking in when the film had been on already for 30 minutes

You keep saying the lights thing but I think that's more a case of me mistyping than arriving late.

I come into the auditorium in plenty of time. I am in my seat before the show starts. I just don't need to be in the building 15 minutes beforehand just for the sake of it.

I went to the cinema this week. Arrived after the published time, during the adverts (before the trailers). Just me and two other women in there. They were already there when I arrived.

They talked LOUDLY throughout the whole thing, despite me asking them on several occasions to please shut up.

So it seems the early arrived behave badly too.

@ShhhhhItsASurprise that's really not relevant to this discussion though.

I’m with you on this. If you’re chronically late, we can’t be friends. It bugs the life out of me and makes me feel like a) you haven’t got your life together b) my time isn’t important and c) you haven’t no respect for me.

I’m chronically early but I don’t ask people to meet me early.

you mistyped a comment saying people were going to sit in the dark for 10 minutes? As a joke about people rushing to sit in the dark which you thought hilarious? OK

@XenoBitch one person being left to wait for 90 minutes is intensely annoying for that one person. Poor spelling and grammar affects everyone who reads the post, causing the reader to have to invest time to infer what may have been meant. The lateness may only affect one person but the spelling & grammar issues may cause more wasted time overall given the higher number of readers. Over time, you can choose to avoid meeting people who are chronically late, but there is no way of identifying poorly written posts without reading them.
Both are arguably rude because the perpetrator has not considered the impact on others.

What I find strange is that Mumsnet abhors lateness but almost actively encourages people not to concern themselves with accuracy in communication.

If those with ADHD or time blindness should "just use alarms" to manage their time better and minimise the impact on others, shouldn't those who are dyslexic/ weren't taught spelling & grammar at school etc use a spell checker / run their posts though an AI checker to make the reader's life easier?

I try to trust my iPhones spell check auto correct. It gets more wrong than I do.

But I’m not wasting your time personally after agreeing to meet up then keeping you waiting half an hour or so for my lazy time blind bum. I’m just typing something you can read if you wish.

@UndermyShoeJoe how can the reader know whether a post is full of errors without reading it?
Poor punctuality and poor spelling & grammar are both arguably lazy and have an adverse impact on others, but the collective Mumsnet view seems to be:
Pride in punctuality- essential, basic manners.
Pride in clear communication/making life easy for the reader - largely irrelevant.

I mean you can tell within the first sentence. Mere seconds over half an hour plus.

You decide to read a forum where there will be many languages and educational and disabilities affecting posters writing skills as well as voice typing and such.

Your choices are read or don’t. Much as those who hate lateness can drop the friend.

It is MN, not an academic essay.

@XenoBitchwhy are academic readers more worthy of effort than the general Mumsnet population?

I don't think the OP's comments are extreme at all. People are often self centered & bad mannered.

They do compare, because they are both disabilities that a person can’t help. True time blindness can’t be fixed by just looking at a clock.