To think punctuality is a sign of basic respect?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve always believed that being on time is one of the simplest ways to show respect for other people. If I make plans, I do everything I can to be there when I said I would - so I find it really frustrating when others don’t do the same.

I get that things happen - traffic, delays, life - but when someone is consistently late, it feels like they just don’t care. Like their time is more valuable than mine.

I’ve had friends show up 30+ minutes late to dinner without even apologising, colleagues who breeze into meetings 10 minutes after they start, and even dates who seem to think ‘fashionably late’ is a personality trait.

AIBu to think that punctuality isn’t just about being on time but about basic consideration for others? Or am I just being too uptight about it?

I don't understand this.

Are you meeting at 9am? What have Morrisons and tiger bread got to do with it? Just do you and meet at 9 am

This isn't about being punctual. This is about lying to you. Unacceptable.

She was probably not late for work because it is a predictable schedule, so issues with time blindness are less of a barrier. It’s much easier to get to work on time as you have experience of the exact journey, the pitfalls, you have a set amount of things to do to get ready, know what you’re going to wear etc. So it’s just easier to get to work on time than a social occasion that’s maybe at a new venue, requires thinking about outfit/hair, requires leaving in the middle of the day when there are other things to do before getting ready to distract you.

Anyway, people who are pedantic with time generally filter out chronic tardy people and those people all form friendships with other tardy pals where they are all late together and relaxed about waiting too as they have empathy for lateness. Frustration only occurs when the two groups have to mix!

No, I won’t chill. Why should I sit waiting for 40 mins for someone who insists time just got away from them but can get to work every day on time, make flights, attend work do’s, go to nail appointments, kid’s concerts and never be late. Rude and disrespectful.

I'm sorry I don't think you understood my post (I'm hoping others will 😁)

But it’s not just ‘sitting comfortably in a pub for 10 mins’

What if you’re standing in the rain for half an hour waiting for them to pick you up?

What if it’s your child’s christening and the late person is the godparent and the entire church full of people are standing around waiting because they weren’t happy with their hair and decided to redo it at the last minute?

What if you both have a plane to catch?

What if you’re going to the theatre/ballet and the chimes are gonging and you’re about to be shut out and miss the first act?

I have someone in my life like this, always happy to leave people waiting but never late for work.

I got it!!

Yep... a friend got us tickets for an event, and she left me waiting for over an hour outside the venue.. in the snow. I was anxious, freezing, and ready to throttle her when she showed up.

You don't have to sit waiting for anyone if you choose not to. Entirely up to you.

But if you chill about it, and don't treat the time you're waiting as a punishment or deliberate insult, you'll probably have a nicer time when your friend turns up.

Wait inside?

It was full of people, and I struggle with that.

Ah, so the problem is not really her punctuality but your anxiety.

Are you for real? Chill and enjoy the 40 mins waiting in the cold because I know I will have a nice time when she eventually gets here?

I actually don’t wait on her anymore. I don’t see her anymore. I gave her a good run of waiting but the last time was 1.5 hours late for a concert because she lost track of time. I went home. Have not seen her since.

No, I am not going to let you make it out be my issue and my fault. She was super late, and had our tickets.

You are really bitchy. The problem was her punctuality. How dare you blame someone’s anxiety that turned up on time.

What a ridiculous assumption. I have a crazy busy life but am still punctual, not because I’m not busy but because I wouldn’t waste someone else’s time when I know how precious time is.

Funny how all these people (and I know plenty of them!) who just “can’t manage their time” never miss a fucking plane. They clearly can manage their time when it matters to them 🙄

@XenoBitch - I'd ignore @MasterBeth I think she's bored and out be goady tonight

So wait inside, get a drink, read Mumsnet. She shouldn't have left you waiting for 40 minutes but she's probably not expecting you to be unable to amuse yourself for that time. Standing around fuming is a pretty daft reaction. Why make life harder for yourself?

You need tickets to get in the door. Are you dumb?

Because being over an hour late is fucking rude, and not acceptable.
And I was not allowed access to "get a drink" as she had our tickets!

I guess you are late to meet people a lot and expect them to put up with it.

MIL is crap with time but it’s not like I can’t just dump her, I wouldn’t foster a friendship with someone like her. She doesn’t know but we have left her out of plans before because it’s not worth the stress. Legoland is a perfect example, for theme parks getting there early is better, it’s impossible for her.

The problem was the combination of one person being late and another person getting anxious about the other person being late.

You're not in control of someone else being late. You're only in control of your own reaction to it.

Fuming and seething and standing in the snow isn't a useful reaction. Some people will be late. You can moan about it on Mumsnet or you can using coping strategies to deal with it. Chilling about it is one (successful) strategy, I have found.

In lots of places, you don't need tickets to get in the door. You need tickets to get in the auditorium.

I don’t mind people being a bit late , I don’t think it’s disrespectful, it happens . but then punctuality isn’t my strong point. I do think it might be adhd related, I have to set v clocks forward to “trick” myself and set a bunch of alarms . I stress myself out with time keeping

For me I know I've struggled badly with anxiety in the past and really really found it hard to be on time for things because I've been working so hard to build myself up to getting there - even for things that I really want to do. So I wouldn't class it as disrespectful because I know how much it took for me to get out the door in the first place at times.

I also think work wise, it's unfair to attribute it to work ethic as others have said - I work extremely hard and I'd say I have a great work ethic but the nature of my job can be chaotic and sometimes responsibilities conflict and I have to try and juggle both. I personally wouldn't think twice if someone was 5/10 minutes late to a meeting with me. Certainly wouldn't feel disrespected and it wouldn't make me question their work ethic unless there were other factors like laziness when they were working with me.