Page 25 | DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

wineintrastevere · 15/03/2025 17:44

How did you manage not to laugh at him. He’s pathetic.

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 18:20

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

You should have absolutely backed him, even if you didn’t remember. I would feel the same way as him. I would tell him after you didn’t have to be such a prick over it. But you failed in loyalty. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my husband. He likely would have felt annoyed at himself after too. But that is awful saying I don’t remember. 😳 the waitress should never have argued back in the first place and dealt with it immediately. He had every right to get annoyed by the situation, and you made it so much worse. Anyone else on here validating your feelings and saying he was in the wrong…. Are likely not in long term solid relationships!!

RachelBerry03 · 15/03/2025 18:20

He sounds like a grade A bellend. Please don’t waste any more time on this sulky, rude man child

GGDanes84 · 15/03/2025 18:21

Run for your life lady! This man is no good!

Onelessboob · 15/03/2025 18:31

Pancakeflipper · 12/03/2025 19:45

Is this their typical behaviour ?

A one of, I'd not end a relationship, but be pissed off with them. If it is regular behaviour from.your DP, I'd be saying 'yes, I agree we need to rethink this relationship"

This!

Dumbdog · 15/03/2025 18:43

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 18:20

You should have absolutely backed him, even if you didn’t remember. I would feel the same way as him. I would tell him after you didn’t have to be such a prick over it. But you failed in loyalty. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my husband. He likely would have felt annoyed at himself after too. But that is awful saying I don’t remember. 😳 the waitress should never have argued back in the first place and dealt with it immediately. He had every right to get annoyed by the situation, and you made it so much worse. Anyone else on here validating your feelings and saying he was in the wrong…. Are likely not in long term solid relationships!!

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I am.

It’s with someone who respects me and doesn’t expect me to be a liar for them. He doesn’t admonish me for what I wear or how I do my hair. He doesn’t ask for my help then criticise how I do it. He doesn’t threaten to leave me over an argument. He doesn’t worry more about being embarrassed in public than me being in tears.

Loyalty test? What a pathetic idea.

I am with someone who doesn’t except me to compromise my principles to bolster their fragile ego.

Also, if you can’t be bothered RTFT, at least read the OPs updates. He’s an abusive man-child.

RampantIvy · 15/03/2025 18:49

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 18:20

You should have absolutely backed him, even if you didn’t remember. I would feel the same way as him. I would tell him after you didn’t have to be such a prick over it. But you failed in loyalty. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my husband. He likely would have felt annoyed at himself after too. But that is awful saying I don’t remember. 😳 the waitress should never have argued back in the first place and dealt with it immediately. He had every right to get annoyed by the situation, and you made it so much worse. Anyone else on here validating your feelings and saying he was in the wrong…. Are likely not in long term solid relationships!!

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Oh look. The soon to be ex DP has posted.

Missssssssmeebaby · 15/03/2025 18:52

You should end it with him instead. Sound like a troubled gentleman who will only get worse at time goes by. Smh

Bluenotgreen · 15/03/2025 18:53

@Butterfly75756 your fuckwit DP has found your thread…

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:18

Dumbdog · 15/03/2025 18:43

I am.

It’s with someone who respects me and doesn’t expect me to be a liar for them. He doesn’t admonish me for what I wear or how I do my hair. He doesn’t ask for my help then criticise how I do it. He doesn’t threaten to leave me over an argument. He doesn’t worry more about being embarrassed in public than me being in tears.

Loyalty test? What a pathetic idea.

I am with someone who doesn’t except me to compromise my principles to bolster their fragile ego.

Also, if you can’t be bothered RTFT, at least read the OPs updates. He’s an abusive man-child.

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I am entitled to respond to the original post without reading updates, just like many others. And in this case, I stand by what I said. And it doesn’t need to be exaggerated into him needing her to lie for him. Wise up like. There is always going to be a time in your relationship when you don’t agree with your DH/DP but you back them anyway, especially in public or with family friends, etc!…… and then you talk about it with them after! But you should always show a united front. We are all capable of letting ourselves down at times, and we don’t need a partner to jump on top of that. Like I said, tell him after he was a prick.

If he’s abusive and horrible then she should absolutely leave him, that’s a no brainer. So stop elaborating and insinuating I’m saying stay with an abusive arsehole. Victim mentality on here is wild. 🤪

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 15/03/2025 19:21

I've read all of your comments OP and this man is a narcissist and he is emotionally abusing and controlling you. PLEASE please find the strength to end it with him immediately, if not for your sake then for your daughters....imagine how damaging a man like that could be to a young girl.

Dumbdog · 15/03/2025 19:24

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:18

I am entitled to respond to the original post without reading updates, just like many others. And in this case, I stand by what I said. And it doesn’t need to be exaggerated into him needing her to lie for him. Wise up like. There is always going to be a time in your relationship when you don’t agree with your DH/DP but you back them anyway, especially in public or with family friends, etc!…… and then you talk about it with them after! But you should always show a united front. We are all capable of letting ourselves down at times, and we don’t need a partner to jump on top of that. Like I said, tell him after he was a prick.

If he’s abusive and horrible then she should absolutely leave him, that’s a no brainer. So stop elaborating and insinuating I’m saying stay with an abusive arsehole. Victim mentality on here is wild. 🤪

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So stop elaborating and insinuating I’m saying stay with an abusive arsehole.

That’s a wild take considering you insinuated - no, actually, outright said - that everyone saying he was a twat is clearly single.

Doubling down on being wrong is such a mushroom hater thing to do.

I’m an autonomous being, and I’m not going to lie just because some arsehole man wants me to.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/03/2025 19:30

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 18:20

You should have absolutely backed him, even if you didn’t remember. I would feel the same way as him. I would tell him after you didn’t have to be such a prick over it. But you failed in loyalty. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my husband. He likely would have felt annoyed at himself after too. But that is awful saying I don’t remember. 😳 the waitress should never have argued back in the first place and dealt with it immediately. He had every right to get annoyed by the situation, and you made it so much worse. Anyone else on here validating your feelings and saying he was in the wrong…. Are likely not in long term solid relationships!!

Show quote history

I've been with my husband for 14 years.

If he spoke to a waitress like that, not only would I not back him, I would get up and leave him in the restaurant.

He wouldn't though, because he's not an arsehole, and if he were, we wouldn't have been together for 14 years.

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:31

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ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:37

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/03/2025 19:30

I've been with my husband for 14 years.

If he spoke to a waitress like that, not only would I not back him, I would get up and leave him in the restaurant.

He wouldn't though, because he's not an arsehole, and if he were, we wouldn't have been together for 14 years.

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Spoke to her like what? The OP doesn’t say how he spoke to her… she said “DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.”

She said she doesn’t remember.

So if he did ask for no mushrooms…. Then he has every right to say so. It doesn’t say he was rude. It says they had a back and forth. The OP admits she doesn’t like confrontation, so any type of disagreement makes her uncomfortable. Most people are just jumping to the conclusion that he was rude. If I was adamant I had asked for something specific in my order, then I will absolutely stand my ground. 🤷🏻‍♀️

my response is to the original post, and the information that I was given. I’m not going to fill in the imaginary blanks.

DeemonLlama · 15/03/2025 19:47

As others have said this isn't something that should have escalated and is toxic masculinity at its finest. You and me baby against the rest of the world etc. 😕 just not healthy cut and run sounds like u deserve better. If there are no kids involved I would run for the hills.

RampantIvy · 15/03/2025 20:04

I am entitled to respond to the original post without reading updates

No, it's ignorant HTH.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/03/2025 20:11

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:37

Spoke to her like what? The OP doesn’t say how he spoke to her… she said “DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.”

She said she doesn’t remember.

So if he did ask for no mushrooms…. Then he has every right to say so. It doesn’t say he was rude. It says they had a back and forth. The OP admits she doesn’t like confrontation, so any type of disagreement makes her uncomfortable. Most people are just jumping to the conclusion that he was rude. If I was adamant I had asked for something specific in my order, then I will absolutely stand my ground. 🤷🏻‍♀️

my response is to the original post, and the information that I was given. I’m not going to fill in the imaginary blanks.

Edited

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You haven't read the updates, have you?

He's clearly a nasty piece of work.

And actually, how he speaks to the OP is more problematic than how he speaks to the waitress, who never has to see him again after the end of her shift.

Mcmach1 · 15/03/2025 21:22

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

It's never about the mushrooms

Skodacool · 15/03/2025 21:22

Massive red flag. Dump him.

MumWifeOther · 15/03/2025 23:41

eastegg · 14/03/2025 07:39

You’re dodging the point being made.

Imagine it was something quite serious, that could get you the sack if true. Would you then be happy for a family to gang up on you and lie? I mean you said it was a ‘rule’ for your family, that suggests it’s applied across the board with perhaps some specific exceptions. So, I don’t know, swearing at the customer for example? Ok for the family members to all lie about that?

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No one in my family is a twat and would lie that a waitress swore at them so we don’t need to make up scenarios to fit whatever agenda you have.

Cyax7 · 16/03/2025 00:21

You were right to say you couldnt remember, get rid of this twat immediately!

Skodacool · 16/03/2025 06:44

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 15/03/2025 19:18

I am entitled to respond to the original post without reading updates, just like many others. And in this case, I stand by what I said. And it doesn’t need to be exaggerated into him needing her to lie for him. Wise up like. There is always going to be a time in your relationship when you don’t agree with your DH/DP but you back them anyway, especially in public or with family friends, etc!…… and then you talk about it with them after! But you should always show a united front. We are all capable of letting ourselves down at times, and we don’t need a partner to jump on top of that. Like I said, tell him after he was a prick.

If he’s abusive and horrible then she should absolutely leave him, that’s a no brainer. So stop elaborating and insinuating I’m saying stay with an abusive arsehole. Victim mentality on here is wild. 🤪

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What does, ‘wise up like’ mean?

Isthiswhatmenthink · 16/03/2025 06:52

Skodacool · 16/03/2025 06:44

What does, ‘wise up like’ mean?

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God knows. I’m never not shocked by how low the bar of male behaviour is for some women. Why are they so delighted with such shit?

ineverknowwhatusernametouse · 16/03/2025 07:08

Skodacool · 16/03/2025 06:44

What does, ‘wise up like’ mean?

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I’m Northern Irish, it means like, come on, see it for what it is. Don’t add to it. I talk quite bluntly and matter of fact. So when people keep jumping to conclusions it’s like, come on, wise up. However I have found since living in England, some people don’t quite know what way to take it. If you could hear my voice, you’d hear the tone and know it doesn’t mean offence. It’s kind of like exasperation.