Page 23 | DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

Goldbar31 · 13/03/2025 21:12

You can do this. Look after yourself - you deserve so much more, and think about the example you want to set for your daughter.
Take care.

bakebeans · 13/03/2025 21:16

He’s an entitled dick! You are better off without him and his feckin mushroom issue. You deserve someone who will treat you well.

Mush62 · 13/03/2025 21:17

Rosejasmine · 13/03/2025 19:14

This behaviour over mushrooms? Blaming you, causing a scene. You are better off out of that relationship - he’s shown his bullying true colours.
Whether or not you should have lied is the least of your worries, sorry.

No, never lie, full stop.

catlover123456789 · 13/03/2025 21:40

I'm glad you ended it. I suspect your tearful reaction is from this relationship putting you on edge, not something you would normally do. I had a boyfriend years ago that made me cry constantly, I honestly felt like I was losing my mind! Stopped crying and got my sanity back once the relationship ended. Good luck, I think you've made the right choice!

scoobysnaxx · 13/03/2025 21:44

@Butterfly75756 OMG OP this is textbook emotional abuse!!!

Please leave him. You are worth more than this!

katepilar · 13/03/2025 21:46

Crying is fine. Its your body's reaction to stress and a way how to regulate itself.
Him asking you to cover up for what was possibly his mistake is ridiculous.

99problems99 · 13/03/2025 21:48

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

The question is not should you have lied. The question is why are you with such a weirdo. If he’s having a tantrum about mushrooms he needs to get a life. And making you cry over mushrooms. He is a mushroom. Tell him to fuck off. Clown.

Gremlins101 · 13/03/2025 21:57

WelshPool · 12/03/2025 19:45

Does not sound a fungi to be with,

excellent!!!

GinandRunning · 13/03/2025 21:57

AffIt · 12/03/2025 19:46

I always find that people who are rude or unpleasant to waiting staff (or retail workers, or cleaning staff, or receptionists) are pretty fucking horrible in all other walks of life, so you've dodged a bullet here.

Absolutely this!

Gremlins101 · 13/03/2025 22:00

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

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oh boy I've read enough, leave this wanker immediately and don't let him within 100m of your house

NoMedicineForMe · 13/03/2025 22:08

OP, if you are having a wobble and in danger of not following through with your decision to end it, then think about your daughter.

Is this the sort of man you would want for your daughter in the future? Is this the sort of relationship you would want for her? If the answer is "hell no!", then you damn well treat yourself just as you would your daughter and end it.

Us girl Mums have a responsibility, the best gift in the world, to be a role model to our little (or not so little!) ones about boundaries and self-respect. Even though your daughter hadn't met him yet (be thankful!), do this to make her proud of you. Do it for you both.

Sending love and positivity for your new future. x x

Deathinparadisefan · 13/03/2025 22:17

99problems99 · 13/03/2025 21:48

The question is not should you have lied. The question is why are you with such a weirdo. If he’s having a tantrum about mushrooms he needs to get a life. And making you cry over mushrooms. He is a mushroom. Tell him to fuck off. Clown.

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Hey! Don’t insult mushrooms please. 😆

EdithBond · 13/03/2025 22:59

The examples you cite are emotional abuse. Telling you what to wear and critiquing your hair! Tsk, charmless. Sending you links to influencers! Cheeky bastard!

If he doesn’t find you attractive just the way you are, he’s not the man for you. Well done for not introducing him to your DD and thank heavens you have your own place.

I hope you let him know that you don’t find arrogant, negative bullies attractive and that’s why it’s a no from you.

Hope you eventually find someone who’s in to you for who you authentically are, not for what they think you should be.

All the best 💐

ChellyT · 13/03/2025 23:18

DrummingMousWife · 13/03/2025 19:24

Tell him he is dumped and hand him a bag of mushrooms for the journey home

I would be mailing this twat a mushroom growing kit or home delivery of a mushroom pizza!

eastegg · 14/03/2025 07:39

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:37

My parents had a restaurant, I worked there in my teen years. I would never have argued with a customer! It would have been “I’m I’m sorry, I’ll get this sorted for you” with a smile on my face.

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You’re dodging the point being made.

Imagine it was something quite serious, that could get you the sack if true. Would you then be happy for a family to gang up on you and lie? I mean you said it was a ‘rule’ for your family, that suggests it’s applied across the board with perhaps some specific exceptions. So, I don’t know, swearing at the customer for example? Ok for the family members to all lie about that?

NotALotToLose · 14/03/2025 07:49

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

This is emotional abuse. It's really hard to see when you're in it and you don't realise until you're actually in a normal, healthy relationship. You are worth so much more.

ldnmusic87 · 14/03/2025 08:11

He is emotionally abusive, reach out to your loved ones for support and leave him.

Dumbdog · 14/03/2025 08:11

Gogogo12345 · 13/03/2025 10:06

So you are just talking shit then. If any restaurant did this then no waiting staff would work for them. Unless they were working illegally under the radar

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And then they deserve everything they get, right?

It might be you talking shit, actually, because all I can find is that if it’s in the contract and done within certain parameters, it isn’t illegal to take money from wages to cover till shortfalls.

I’m not an employment lawyer, mind, so feel free to correct me with the legislation that makes it illegal.

Then you can follow up by explaining how you came to the conclusion that no one working legally puts up with poor conditions because they need the money.

Or, you know, stop doubling down on being aggressive and wrong.

Related question: do you like mushrooms?

Dumbdog · 14/03/2025 08:19

BobbyBiscuits · 13/03/2025 13:07

Haha, that's pretty bad! I guess at least he was nice to the staff. But still, what is wrong with some blokes?! 🤣

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Mushroom dicks?

Ferrazzuoli · 14/03/2025 08:32

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:33

To answer a few questions - we aren't married. Don't live together. I own my own house where I live with my daughter. He lives about an hour away.

I have found the courage to end the relationship. Hopefully I'm strong enough to follow through!

Sending you good wishes and inner strength OP.

tempname1234 · 14/03/2025 08:43

Super red flag. Losing his rag over something so minor, demanding you lie over something so minor (demanding you lie anyway) and then threatening to end the relationship over this.

this should be your queue to run, run far away and fast.

Dumbdog · 14/03/2025 09:05

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

What I read here is that:

you are known for making an effort with your appearance and people comment on it, which must mean you look good
you are helpful (trying to help with baby shower gift)
you are not a liar (nushroomgate)

You sound like a catch!

Dump the dick.

Streetsofkenny · 14/03/2025 10:56

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:33

To answer a few questions - we aren't married. Don't live together. I own my own house where I live with my daughter. He lives about an hour away.

I have found the courage to end the relationship. Hopefully I'm strong enough to follow through!

I'm so glad to read your update and see you've dumped this pathetic excuse for a man! Your previous posts were becoming more and more concerning! You are far better off without him in your life! 🤗

Nikki75 · 14/03/2025 11:43

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:33

To answer a few questions - we aren't married. Don't live together. I own my own house where I live with my daughter. He lives about an hour away.

I have found the courage to end the relationship. Hopefully I'm strong enough to follow through!

Go girl.. you got this , so much respect for you break that cycle.
No longer let someone like him have space in your life .

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 11:46

@Butterfly75756 hope you're doing better today!
If you ever feel yourself wobbling re-read your post on this thread at 5.25pm yesterday, and remember - THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR! especially towards someone you supposedly love.