DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

[Butterfly75756]

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

I read your new updates OP. This guy sounds abusive. I’m glad he hasn’t met your daughter and you don’t live together. It will make it easier to remain broken up, if you decide. I hope you do.

I bet that doesn't go both ways does it?

Glad you've decided to sack him off.. if you're in any doubt I'd do a claire's law request as he sounds well practised in manipulation and may have a history.

Ver odd, I have no personal experience of restaurant staff arguing about what someone ordered

Yes - please end this relationship asap and make sure such a shitty person never comes within a mile of your daughter!

The fact that you have put up with this utter dickhead and his treatment of you should tell you that you need to prioritise building up your self-esteem so that you never settle for so little ever again.

If he goes through with it then I would say you’ve had a lucky mistake.

The real question is did he ask for no mushrooms or not? If he didn't ask, he's a dick. If he did ask......he's still a dick! Run for the hills.

I agree. I may have suggested these books already, but I'll mention them (again) because @Butterfly75756 would probably find them useful:

• Women Who Love Too Much
• The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

He sounds like a man I was in a relatonship with. It started like this, then he started pushing me, ended up punching me in the face and making threats towards my child and I finally ended it. This is an abusive man. Please leave him now while you have got your nerve up.

🤣

OP I’ve read all of your responses and I’m glad you’ve decided to bin him off! Stay strong - he’s nasty and vile. Start living your best life! x

Ditch him asap. Just cut contact and don't let him argue with you.
Then ask yourself why you put up with this.

Jesus, he sounds awful from your updates with examples. The thing is though, ALL abusive relationships have some good times. If there weren't any good times, we'd never stay with them as long as we do!

Get rid, follow through with getting rid, honestly, don't let this horrible, nasty prick grind you down any further.

He sounds like an asshole , no way is this guy a really nice guy in general..
With his “ tell her I don’t like mushrooms “
Who the Fuck does this guy think he is !!
Then to add insult to injury says he can’t see yr marriage working !
Clearly he is highly strung, & I’m sure OP this isn’t his first time exhibiting behaviour like this …
Hard going putting up with someone who lashes out in different shapes & forms ..
Also , the fact that he put you crying & he didn’t give a toss only gave out to you , saying you were embarrassing him , at no point was he sorry for any of it , giving the waitress shit or upsetting his wife 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank goodness you don’t live together and he hasn’t met your DD. I expect he would bully her too.

Just block him. No need to ever contact him or see him again. Please value yourself more and protect yourself from abusive men, of course there are good times, that’s how they run the game, got to make it feel like it’s your fault. Have a look at the ‘play book’ that abusive men use and you’ll get better at cutting them off and not wasting your time.

I’ve been with my husband for 25 years and he has never told me things that he doesn’t like about me. Or told me he doesn’t like my hair or outfit. Never told me of Instagram models that I should be more like. This is not normal in a healthy loving relationship 😭

In fact the other day my husband got really upset when I said that I wanted to try Botox to get rid of the wrinkles appearing on my face. He begged me not to do it because he loves my face just the way it is and he doesn’t want it to change. I beg of you to dump your loser and find a wonderful man who loves and cherishes you just the way you are.

Glad to hear you have decided to finish the relationship.
He is a bully, emotionally abusive, controlling. He will NEVER be better than he is now, if you stay with him he will only get worse.
i'm glad to hear you have your own home and that your daughter isn't involved.
Stay safe, and please update us,

She’s already got one person giving her abuse, she doesn’t need another.

I'm not surprised that you are an emotional wreck, being with this man who behaves like a manipulative child.
Please find the strength to leave him

Having read your updates OP I can't understand why ending this relationship was even in question. There are plenty of fish in the sea. MOVE ON

He sounds awful and abusive, and his mother sounds the same.

Look after yourself op and your daughter, keep both of you dafe and dump him.asap.

Ot dorsnt matter that there are good times, your bad times sound alarming, unsafe and abusive, they are not what a normal, loving relationship look like.

Well done op. He sounds awful.

Just be glad he is your partner & not your husband. It makes it easier to dump him before getting more entangled.

Any man who destroys your confidence & self esteem so that you end up crying in a restaurant is not worth wasting your time on.

He sounds as though hes very argumentative, controlling, manipulative & immature. It wouldnt surprise me if he has a history of violence.

You should get out of the relationship while you can.

If he did end the relationship I think he'd be doing youna big favour he sounds absolutely proper bellend

Butterfly75756, all that you have described is abusive, narcissistic and coercive behaviour. Keep safe and if needed there is a program called the freedom program course for anyone that's been in abusive relationships, it helped me to see that my ex was abusive towards me and helped me to become stronger. savethatkitty telling someone who been in an abusive relationship to get a grip is not helpful as.as this can be one of the effects of what being in an abusive relation can do to you.