AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

A party 75 minutes away, so nearly two hour 30 minute round trip or 5 hours if they drop and go home. Are you planning to provide lifts? If not, it’s a ridiculous venue.

Or

c) had four kids, each with about 10 years of birthday parties. So very much been there, done that. Realised "who booked which party venue first" is a non-event and the children will have the same wonderful time whether it's Visit No 1 or Visit No 4, so stopped giving a shit about such drama.

Pretty much full overlap in the friendship group and my daughter was invited to the 'first' party.

Yes, nobody owns a party idea and of course the place is open to the public so anyone can book. But the fact the other mum had never heard of it until you mentioned it and specifically said your daughter was planning it for her birthday makes it a bit rude to me.

Kids quite like going to places they have been before / are familiar with. Might actually make your party even better them all excited to go again.

If you really want to be petty, it's actually quite easy to throw the better birthday considering both are at the same location. Kids will invariably be comparing the two and you can throw in a few extras so they always remember yours as being "better".

• Pay for better food and drink. If they have a restaurant or something, get them to do a platter of food that's better than the other party. Buy loads of drinks and have them on the table so kids can help themselves to anything they want. Get mini champagne flutes and extra decorations for the table.

• Go wild on goodie bags. 10 year olds are probably too old for the typical party bag with sweets inside but plan it more like a goodie bag for a nice event. Get those gift bags that stand up on their own and a bunch of fun yet sophisticated gifts that girls would love. Mini tester sizes or perfumes from adult beauty brands. DIY jewellery/bracelet kits, pens, stationery etc.

• Get someone to snap loads of photos or videos on the day. Doesn't have to be a pro but just someone who captures the funniest action shots. Upload it to an album afterwards so the girls can replay the best moments.

Then you are equally ridiculous!

Yes, same here. Our lot are always just v excited to go again to a place they love - plenty of examples of several parties in a row being at an aqua inflatable park, or donutting, or escape rooms. The “being the first to have that party, and getting extra kudos” really really hasn’t come into anyone’s head. I can see how you might feel a bit miffed but really, it’s about the kids loving the place, not about being a trend setter. And anyway, they might well be a lot better at it second time round and enjoy it more.

You don't own it.

To answer a few questions.

1. We provided transport last year, would have this year and yes the other family are providing transport too.
2. Due to it being over an hour away, It is not usually used for parties and I don't even think any parents knew of this venue before last years party as it isn't in our locality and we have lots of bowling, soft play places nearby.
3. The April birthday child didn't know anything about this activity that we didn't do last year as she doesn't frequent this venue like we do as a family. She loved the idea after her mum talked to her about it after my query in December and then recently followed up with questions to my child on the party before deciding thats what she wanted to do.

I totally get why you would be upset. There are things that bother me in life that don’t bother others and VV. we all get annoyed by things in our own micro worlds and I would also have been peeved about this.

that said, there is nothing you can do now. Book the party as well And work out which bits the kids enjoyed and which they didn’t. I would totally one up on the party bags and cake though because I’m super petty.

Did she steal the idea? Or did she tell her child about it and the child said 'oh that's what I want to do for my birthday too'?

I don't know how many times I've been to soft play/trampolining/bouncy castle parties. I don't think people copy - they just organise the one they think their child will enjoy, within a budget.

Yes but thinking a party was great and THEN doing the same is different and flattering, like, wow that was so great I'd love to do the same. Jumping on idea you'd never heard of BEFORE the idea-haver actually had a chance to do it is rude.

Thoae who are trying to one up on the party bags or theme or whatever is super cringe!

I’m torn with this one. On the one hand I maybe wouldnt have suggested to the other mum to do hers elsewhere and she absolutely has the right to do what she wants. But I can see why you’d be annoyed if you think DD will be upset and everyone wants to make their kids birthday party special, that doesn’t make them spoilt 🙄.

This is ridiculous

I’d feel a bit annoyed but wouldn’t have said anything. It’s not a huge disaster but a shame for your daughter if she’s been planning it for so long. I’d tell her to hold her head up and have a great party. She can feel flattered that she had such a good idea that someone else decided to copy it.

Give over!

How petty.

And expensive!

Wow. The stuff you read on here.

Isn't imitation the highest form of flattery?

I think you’re being treated a bit harshly here, OP! Of course no one owns a party theme but the fact that you mentioned your plan to this other Mum (who didn’t previously know about it), and now she has nabbed the idea for her own child’s party, is a bit cheeky.

Having said that, what if you’d never mentioned it to anyone and this other family just happened to have come up with the same idea for their party 8 weeks before your DD’s? She’d probably still feel a bit miffed and I do get that 10 year olds are petty enough to possibly accuse someone of ‘copying’ someone else’s idea.

i suggest you frame it to your DD that she’s going to get to go for Alice’s birthday so now she can choose another option for hers and try to get her really excited about other things she might enjoy.

Maybe it's a good thing. Like a try out.Your daughter might go to the party not like it and then you can plan something else.

I can see why you’re annoyed but I’d try and look at it as a positive. If the kids all hate it then you can choose something different. If they love it then you can get to give them another opportunity to go!

But here’s the thing - your daughter has already had a birthday party there before. So it’s not like she’s missing out on being the “first” to have one there. Are you saying that your daughter should be the only one to have parties there…. Ever? Or that she should get to have a party at each separate activity before another child can “copy” you? Surely your daughter says “yes, we had my birthday here last year and we are doing it again next year. It’s our favourite family day out, I’m so glad my friend is having one here.”

Or if there are many activities available have your daughter pick a different one for her party?

Are the ‘fuming’ brigade the ones that will bring up a future generation of bridezillas who don’t allow pregnancy announcements or engagements during the two year window of their wedding?

Or

c) discourage their child to think it's a competition and believe they need to outdo their friends and acknowledge the fact that aerial assault courses isn't exactly a unique idea. Go Ape etc is everywhere right now for that age group.