Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

592 replies

Homer28 · 12/03/2025 12:42

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 12/03/2025 12:56

This is mighty annoying. It reminds me of when I was about 14 and a news crew were interviewing me and a friend at a local event. Before they came to us, I told my friend everything I was going to say. She got asked first and said it all. Then they came to me and I just say "yeah, it's really good.........." It's making me laugh now at the memory.

Nothing really you can do. Either repeat the party or choose something else. I would honestly think you can have a fantastic time either way. I love kids parties! We went to many, many parties at duplicate locations and the kids all love it regardless of if they did same a week before.

Engineweld · 12/03/2025 12:57

If this had ever happened to any of my daughters (all 4 of them) when they were younger, they would have been devastated ..I agree about how she could be accused of copying too cos kids don't let things like this drop easy so it would be so hard for her at school ..YNBU!

Maray1967 · 12/03/2025 12:57

LegoAirlines · 12/03/2025 12:48

its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it

Wtf?

Yes - it sounds like OP was telling the friend that her DC’s party will be the ‘cool one’ - better than anyone else’s. I can see why she decided to teach OP a lesson. Ours went to several very similar ones and enjoyed them all.

And I agree with the other comments that DC should not take expensive parties for granted. I thought one of mine was heading that way and he had a firm talking to.

bigredboat · 12/03/2025 12:57

I have a 10 year old dd and I honestly think her or any of her friends would just be pleased they get to twice to a cool party.

Doseofreality · 12/03/2025 12:58

Just serve up tequila shots and hand out vapes in the party bags at yours to make it “cooler”.

ShaunaSadeki · 12/03/2025 12:59

This is a minor annoyance and a good life lesson. It’s like when I mention an idea to my manager and he takes to the leadership team as his own, except it isn’t really as no-one owns a venue or party idea. If you can’t get over how irked you are feeling and have the funds, do something like give everyone a t shirt to take home with X’s 10th birthday climbing adventure printed on.

Honeyroar · 12/03/2025 13:00

You can make it so different anyway. Use hers as research to see what bits were most enjoyed, which bits weren’t. Could you do some of it in teams with prizes? Could you choose food that works better? Can you do a really cool picnic at the end?

SummerHouse · 12/03/2025 13:01

I see you ferry kids there and back and I want to lodge my interest in becoming your friend!

PeachesPeachesPeachesPeachesPeaches · 12/03/2025 13:01

Moltenpink · 12/03/2025 12:48

Wow I’m surprised at the responses so far. I’d be fuming!

Same. So many forget what it’s like to be 10 years old - these things are hugely important to our children.

minnienono · 12/03/2025 13:02

Bit odd to copy the idea but yabu to book a venue 75 minutes away, that's ridiculous unless you are providing transportation

Maray1967 · 12/03/2025 13:03

I think there’s wrong on both sides here - OP gave the impression that her DD’s party should be the ‘cool’ one - implicitly suggesting that it will be better than anyone else’s. Other mum stole the idea.

OP, if this is going to upset your DD, tell her to let her mates know about it, even if you don’t send out invites yet. 4 months in advance is a bit early!

Maray1967 · 12/03/2025 13:04

Correction - I see that the chain of events was the other way round. Fair enough! Send the invites out early!

Peclet · 12/03/2025 13:04

I would be concerned that you’re overly invested in being first and cool and all sorts of superficial shite and that will influence your Dd.

None of that matters as you know, you know that it doesn’t matter who is first and if your DDs response is to be that was my idea and feel miffed. Let her feel miffed but also remind her to be grateful that there will be 2 brilliant big parties coming up. There is room for everyone to have a good party.

Be gracious. And be less chatty about plans in the future!

viques · 12/03/2025 13:06

“It’s important to have the “cool” party”. Oh dear.

Luckily your dd is only ten so there is still plenty of time for you to work on her sense of worth not being dependent on other people thinking she is “cool”.

You really need to be pushing quality values like resilience, perseverance, kindness, tolerance, generosity of heart, patience etc. Leave being the cool alpha kid to those whose parents confuse shallow superficial appearance with real achievement.

Crunchymum · 12/03/2025 13:06

PeachesPeachesPeachesPeachesPeaches · 12/03/2025 13:01

Same. So many forget what it’s like to be 10 years old - these things are hugely important to our children.

Show quote history

Only if you place importance and value on them?

Neither of my older two had "cool" or "unique" parties for their 10th birthdays and guess what they didn't care!!

MissDoubleU · 12/03/2025 13:06

Eh, you are not unreasonable to be annoyed. Copying is frustrating. But if you have a really cool one off idea that no one else knows about - then go around talking about it months in advance… other people are likely to want a bit of that really cool thing.

DD I’m sure can still go to this party, and be all show-offy that she’s been there lots of times before and already knows the ropes so very well. Then she can have her own party there when it’s time. If it’s so great, kids will love the chance to go back and will likely be less “scared” or whatever because they also not know the lay of the land.

mumbleberry · 12/03/2025 13:06

You are not unreasonable at all, I'm a bit gobsmacked at the answers tbh. She knew you were doing this, it's so tacky of her

Dollydaydream100 · 12/03/2025 13:07

I don't think YABU - I'd be miffed too, she's out of order doing that.

But everyone here will tell you how U you are! None of my mum friends wouldve done something like this without checking first - she's a bitch.

Suns1nE · 12/03/2025 13:09

Haven’t read all the replies so sorry if this has already been covered. Why not suggest a joint party for the girls, you could even book two activities at the centre and make a really big occasion of it.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 12/03/2025 13:09

Surprised at responses on here, I think your friend is in the wrong! Totally out of order for her to steal idea 8 weeks before yours! Okay if she did it after

ShaunaSadeki · 12/03/2025 13:09

PeachesPeachesPeachesPeachesPeaches · 12/03/2025 13:01

Same. So many forget what it’s like to be 10 years old - these things are hugely important to our children.

Show quote history

I do recall how much of a big deal this would have been to my DC at 10, but as adults we should understand that it isn’t really a big deal and appreciate that small (in the great scheme of things) disappointments help to build resilience, which is lacking in a lot of young people now.

RhiWrites · 12/03/2025 13:11

I think that’s really cheeky fucker territory. I’d lay it on the line for the other mum and say “Please don’t do this, DD will be very upset and won’t want to have the party if your daughter uses her idea and has it first”.

If they go ahead after that, they’re not nice people.

KitsyWitsy · 12/03/2025 13:11

She's a shady bitch. I can see why you're annoyed. Maybe think of something even better? Or just accept that all the kids will have been before and think of the positives of that. More confidence etc. They will probably enjoy it more.

TeaAndTattoos · 12/03/2025 13:11

I get why your DD is upset over it but use it as a chance to see if the kids would really enjoy it or if they would be scared and what bits they liked more. Saves you wasting your money on a party idea that the kids might not enjoy.

Lindy2 · 12/03/2025 13:12

You can't tell people what party they can or can't book.

If it's a great activity then the kids will be happy to do it twice. I'm assuming the guest lists won't be identical anyway so only some will be invited to both.

If it really bothers your daughter she'll need to switch to another fun option. I'd recommend making light of it and saying to her how lucky some children are to get to do 2 parties there and what a great choice she made picking that activity as it's obviously very popular.

Kids of that age just like going to parties. I really doubt any if them are giving this level of thought to the venues and activities.

I'm sure everyone will just have fun.