AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks

Dad could be right. I think your friend has been a bit cheeky but the venue is available to anyone to book.
However, you could think of the friend's party as being a dry run for yours. Maybe Dad's concerns are valid and the party won't be that exciting, kids are scared and so on. Then you can cancel yours and do something else but if it's a success then the children will be really excited to go again and you could add some other element to yours to make it a bit different.

When I was 10 and my DC were 10 most party places were used multiple times by different people. I can't remember whether we did it first, or others did it first or what. No one said anything beyond "been there. Great to go again".

I think you're overthinking it.

You're being a princess about it. If you wanted it as the only party there, don't tell anyone else in advance.

Every parent of each age group is scratching around looking for something age-appripriate and fun to do for their child's party. If you say "so and so does parties" you may well find someone books it.

It doesn't matter AT ALL. The children will be as excited to do it for the second party as the first. I went to 4 laser zone parties in 6 months and the kids were just as giddy at each! Same with the pool parties with giant inflatables and the Make Your Own pizza parties at Pizza Express.

No one "owns" party ideas and anyone can book one. If your daughter's friend heard about it from her mum and said "can we do that for mine?" I can't imagine a parent saying "no, you have to wait another 8 weeks for OP's daughter's party because she's bagsied it."

YANBU. I can see that she may have taken your DD's idea innocently as it may not bother her DD if she'd been the second one. BUT once you'd pointed out that your DD isn't happy about it, she should have apologised and changed it. Not a good friend at all.

It's a bit cheeky, but you are massively overreacting. It's a child's party at a place you had a party at last year. It's hardly unique idea of the century. They get to go twice now. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

What an absolute load of old guff! Why are you encouraging a 10 year old to care about having a ‘cool’ party ??

Life is far too short to care about stuff like this ! Choose a party your DD would like , have the party, job done!

I'd be fuming too OP - what a bitch the other mum is. Sadly, there's sod all you can do about it except never, ever tell that mum anything again. And maybe try and find an even cooler party idea for DD?

Not surprised you're getting your arse handed to you here though - MN is populated with perfect people/androids who never feel any complex human emotions like the rest of us.

There's a very good chance that the same thing would've happened anyway since the children are getting older and obviously growing out of the soft play/bouncy castle kind of parties. You won't be the only parent looking for new ideas.

Either have the same party which will still be fun or pick somewhere else. I wouldn't be petty and rush to send out the invites first.

I get why you’re upset about this. I think some people here must have children who aren’t surrounded by peers who do make a big deal out of hosting the exciting party. My son’s primary school class was like this, and honestly the one upmanship as each party rolled round was ridiculous. I gave my son one party, paid a fortune for it. I never did it again. I just made myself the enemy, refused to do parties and as he’s got older he’s thankful that I gave him an excuse to step out of the competitive nature of it all.
I let him have a couple of friends and went to the cinema or the beach/arcades.

In theory, YABU, you don't own the rights to the party.
In the real world? I'd be so pissed off!!!

I do have a tendency to catastrophise things and this would be a much bigger deal in my head than it is in reality though. So yeah I'd be annoyed. Try not to let it spoil your daughter's enjoyment though.

YABU.... my ten year old was invited to six of her classmates 10th birthday parties. 5 of those 6 parties were at the same inflatable trampoline park. Having the "cool" party at 10 is not a thing, they simply want a fun party with a friend.

It sounds like your nose is more out of joint about this than your child's is.

Schadenfreude much?

I think a lot of people here do NOT have a 10 year old.

10 is when shit gets real. 10 is when parties have fewer kids but better activities - we have been to escape rooms, VR adventures, go ape type places, swimming pools, ice skating, chocolate making... bowling is what you do when you have no other ideas.

yes my 10 year old chose carefully her party to be something none of her close friends had done. yes it's cool to do something twice (like rock climbing) but you suddenly don't want 5 escape rooms in close succession...

the OP was respectful to check if the other kids would be ok with it (like we did check if the escape room we chose wasn't too scary) and her daughter's party got ruined...

to a lot of commenters, being 10 is hard enough - pre-pubescent girls have tons of feelings cropping up... why make it harder?

I would have been annoyed. Just make yours better. Have a theme. Add an extra activity on the way. You can learn from anything that goes wrong in the first one.
these birthday parties are such a big deal at that age.

I get you, your friend clearly did copy which is always a bit annoying and of course 10 year olds do get worked up about stuff that's trivial in the scheme of things like who has the best party.

I think you'll need to encourage her to get over it though (and step 1 of this is getting over it yourself), there was always a fair chance someone else would think of the same idea (GoApe etc is quite popular round here anyway), that's the trouble with a June birthday, and it's not that unusual or original since she already had one party at the same venue. If she really wants something cool and different she's got a good few months to get her thinking cap on about another choice or she can absolutely do the same thing as the friend, sod what everyone else in the class thinks (surely in a class of 30 there'll have been some duplicate parties by June, and she can always point to the fact that she was the first in the class to ever have a party at AdventureWorld so she's the coolest) - if this is the first time she's ever had the piss taken by classmates for some totally arbitrary and unreasonable reason then she's done well, it's a rite of passage IMO.

I have a ten year old.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing twice.

I would be so annoyed! Could you do a sleepover after? Elaborate party bags something to make it a bit extra if you know what I mean

They're not all like that. My kids graduated from soft play, to trampolines, to football fit, to laser tag. None of them knew or cared which of their friendship groups had the first in a new place, as they all went to the same place 10 times in a row after that and had fun each time. It's about having a party, not which party is 'coolest'.

OP you’ve made my day with your pre empting your daughter’s lamentation!
It’s always great to find a new venue and I get your DD’s pal’s mum will be credited with the idea- but honestly it’s not a big deal( the food may even be rubbish so your party could trump it) enjoy both trips

Around that age we moved away from
parties to outings and activities with a couple of close friends, partly because the number of activities that hold parties and are appealing to older primary kids dwindles and partly because booking such places got ridiculously expensive. In that time though my kids did laser tag, go carting and high rope course more times than I can count, and each one felt as exciting as the other.

I’d not worry too much, 8 weeks apart is plenty of time for the kids to enjoy both parties and stepping out of the pressure to be the coolest is very liberating for patterns and kids alike.

Are parents even going to want to travel 75 minute drive away (there and back) to either of these parties?

Some people here have no empathy. Imagine it’s your 40th, you spooked the perfect venue two years ago and you’ve got it all planned out. Then you told a friend about your plans and two months before your party she announces her 40th at the exact same venue, same theme, similar guest list.

Wouldn’t you be hurt, a little miffed and thinking you don’t want to do it any more?

I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart

If you “gently suggested” that to me I would think you were an absolute loon.

The idea that not only is there such a thing as a “cool party” that can be “stolen” and thus become “not cool” and “copying”, but also that actual parents are upholding these ideas among ten year olds, baffles me. Is it a private school thing?

Round here, if there was a party someone liked everybody else did it too, because it was fun. DS and his friends exhausted the escape rooms in the surrounding area they went to so many. I remember when I was at school everyone had a swimming and wimpy party, then everyone had a “murder in a box” party.

You’ve overshared, @Homer28 . If you want to keep the idea unique, keep it to yourself. You’ve unfortunately found out the hard way, the same way the women who shared their “dream” baby name with a sis or SIL, only to have them use that name for their own baby.

Silence is golden.

FYI @Homer28 I did a GoApe party for a 9th birthday and 2 of the kids cried so much I had to bring them down after the first tiny section...

Maybe this will help whittle down the guest list 😄