AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Birthday parties are like weddings, pretty formulaic unless you’re really prepared to push the boat out - and even then you’re limited by the logistics of the venue. The parties my kids remember (now they’re 12 and 13) are the ones where they spent time with their very best friends - the venue etc was all secondary to having fun. I doubt they could tell you what was in a party bag two weeks later, or what the food was. It’s placing adult value on things that really don’t matter in the scheme of things.

I’d go to the first girls party, note anything that made the day less smooth and try to change that and then let my DD have the party she chooses. One up manship at age 10 is pointless.

Wow. My kids could not have cared less about this petty stuff. Neither would their peers.

More than anything this!! I would not drive 75 mins for a party for myself, let alone my DD. Do you not all have lives to live?!

So petty. YABU.

Yeah it’s a shitty thing to do. Of course you can’t kick off or cause any upset but it is underhand of the other mother. Of course no one owns a party venue but it’s like falling in love with a dress, sending it to a friend, and the friend buying it for the same event.

Psychopath?!!!

This!

I’m surprised at the early responses. Something similar happened to me for my 9th birthday and I was really upset about it! Kids look forward to their birthday for months and when someone else “steals” your idea it can really take the wind out of your sails.

But yes OP, it was silly of you to mention it to other mums, although I guess you didn’t think she’d be a sneaky b1tch about it! Just get DD to start talking about her party now and then when other girl’s invites go out she can say, “oh, you’ve copied my idea! How weird of you!”

No I disagree. I actually do remember being ten and this sort of thing never entered my head. I also have two children who were ten just a couple of years ago. They never once expressed any desire to be the first to use a certain party venue - or to have a cooler party than their friends.
I actually think this kind of thing is something adults think about more than kids. Kids just get excited to go to a party and see friends.

Literally nobody will care. You’re completely overthinking this. The best party we ever had was handing out 30 foam swords at the local community centre and letting them fight each other until it was time for the birthday tea. I have to admit a 3 hour round trip to an event plus the 2-3 hours spent there would put me right off accepting an invitation. Isn’t there a local Go Ape or something like that?

You’re not being unreasonable at all and I would be fuming. How unkind of the other mum and I do feel for your DD. I would look to make up for it by still booking DD her party there and then doing something else as well if you can stretch to it. If your DD gets accused of “copying” she can say she has been going to this place since she was X years old and always planned to have a party there.

Why are you so convinced nobody else was aware of or would have thought of this party? Surely it's not secret? You threw a party there last year, someone else would "discover" this other activity sooner or later, except most people aren't mad enough to host a primary school party an hour away - that's why nobody else had done it before.

I got married many years ago and it was at the time that 'new venues' were being registered for weddings as opposed to just being allowed in churches.

I did mention to a relative where I was considering to find that a few days later she was telling everyone that she was going to get married there too! She was engaged (broke off the engagement in the end). I know that copying someone is sometimes seen as a sincere form of flattery but even then...

So, I would be annoyed too and doing it before you is even worse as it then looks like they had the idea in the first place and you just copied it

I would be a bit put out as well TBH. However she will enjoy both parties Im sure.Sadly next time you have an idea to keep your powder dry! learn from it say "Oh Well" and tell DD "Katys mum liked our idea so much ,they are doing it now as well! "So you can see what its like .I expect if its a popular venue they will have heard of it and may well have kept it in mind .

Entitled behaviour, the other mum must think you're nuts.

Sadly the early responses tend to set the tone for a thread, whether they are ridiculous or not.

I can’t believe OP ‘gently suggested’ an alternative to the other mum. It’s just so desperate and weird behaviour.

As an aside, I hate the new fad at work to email ‘gentle reminders’ about stuff 🤢

So you have already held a party there? I’m assuming you have 2 daughters with a little more than a year apart? Maybe the mum copied your idea from last year rather than this year?

You are being ridiculous.

DH’s ex often whines about things like this, and I think - why the hell does she care about this stuff. Sadly the SDC have been raised the same. It would probably bother them.

No one I know would care.

Everyone has done kids parties before. Also aerial climbing is common round here.

Goodness you sound about 8 yourself. This is a non issue. My kids have gone to loads of parties in the same place. It's not a big deal. It actually might work out better because the first party lets kids try it out then your DD mean they enjoy it with no drama (unless you create more by suggesting it's uncool).

I think it's really shitty to take your idea and do it before you.

You’re being ridiculous. Can’t believe you even raised it with her mother

Are you ten as well ?

Especially as OP already hosted a party for her daughter there… a year ago!! So much for stolen idea and wanting her daughter to be the first to show off this location. Hadn’t she already done this last party?