AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Good lesson for your daughter to learn that life isn't always fair and set up just for her - sometimes people copy cool ideas, be it business , a baby name or a 10 year old party.

How about organising a joint party half way between each of the birthdays, if it's the same group of friends, and it seems like you know this mum well enough to ask her opinion it could work well at being half the cost, to allow you to maybe add a 2nd activity at the same fun place or different food options etc with the saved money?

It's not clear whether your daughter has been invited to this other girl's party and to what extent their friendship groups overlap.

I think 40 is different because you only have a party once every ten years. Ten year olds are having parties every year, and going to about 20 a year, it is inevitable they will be the same.

It's one of those things that I would be deeply annoyed about but I don't think I'd have said anything. She is entitled to book the public venue as much as you are and the whole 'cool party' thing makes you sound a little bit showy.

If your dd kicks off over it I would calmly tell her that this is just life and really she is very lucky to have a party anyway, many parents can't afford it or can't be bothered. She can either have her party there or choose something else but there is no point whinging about it either way.

I do get why it's annoyed you though. She could have come up with something herself.

If it's fun, kids will love going back.

If it doesn't work out well, you have 8 weeks notice to cancel and plan something else

So I reckon they are doing you a favour and taking the risk

The other parent is a fucking psychopath 🤣 I can’t believe the responses, it’s a pretty specific plan! I’d scrap the idea and plan something even better.

Lesson learned - don’t trust other parents with party ideas, it seems from the responses on this thread that it is “dog eat dog” out there! I’m so baffled, I would not dream of doing that.

OP, I would be miffed too! A bit cheeky of the other parent to not even acknowledge it. Ah well I guess it’s just one of those things, and best to be positive about it for your child’s sake of course! Will your child and the other child be inviting a lot of the same guests as each other? x

Biggest question: How is the other mum planning to get the kids to the venue?

It's great that you're taking care of transportation too (though having to drive a bunch of kids for 75mins sounds like my idea hell. Someone will be whiny, someone needs the loo, someone gets carsick). If the other mum expects parents to drive that far for the party then it's massive CFery.

I would offer to take her closest friends on a day trip before April!

I did suggest to her when she first mentioned she was thinking of booking it that it could be an issue and her response was that they 'haven't fully decided' ie its a non-issue at the minute.

Then i received the invitation yesterday without any further discussions.

I think we're in a different tax bracket because none of my kids have been to anywhere like this for a birthday party, they all just had sleepovers at 10 🙈

But yeah I get you, I certainly wouldn't have done what the other mum has done because I'd feel massively cheeky.

Genius!!

Ahh you’re funny
yes you’re arse has been fragmented and dispersed back to you
you are being really daft but you’re a trooper taking it well with all the replies

Although no-one owns rights to a party venue, if it was your idea and they only knew about it because you suggested it then it's cheeky and I'd be fuming too!

If your daughter had her party and then the other kid loved it so wanted hers there too - not cheeky!

And no your not mental!

It's a popular large children's activity centre within reasonable distance of your town. I presume there aren't many others within a small radius?

It's like someone complaining another parent booked Alton Towers or Disneyland. If you lived within an hour's drive of either of them. Of course everyone will want to go.

If anything it would be good for you to see how they handle a kids party and if your child feels it's right for her after she's seen how her mates party went.

If you wanted it to be so clandestine and top secret you should book some super posh bespoke event that might be more unique but would cost thousands.

I think it’s sad that at 10 years old your child is already at a stage where she wants the coolest shiniest party and outdo her friends. One of my children are that age and they and their friends are not like this.
Although I can see it probably is annoying, I think you’ve both learnt a lesson - you that you shouldn’t tell everyone your plans, and your DD that she can’t always win and have the shiniest best thing in the world.

I agree with others OP, YABU - all the kids get to go twice now and as annoying as it is you handed this idea to her on a plate 🤣 She’s probably just thought it sounds ace and booked it too.

Within my mums friendship group we always have parties in the same place - one friend booked it forever ago when her daughter was 2 and it’s just brilliant, we all use it now. I must go to 3-4 parties a year there!! I like to hope my friend has never been bothered by us all stealing it!

At that age it's not unusual for children to go to the same venues for each others parties. It's not a big deal at all.
I agree with the other child's mother and even if you hadn't mentioned it to her she could easily have found it by googling it she was looking for party venues

I sort of understand as that sort of thing pisses me off too, but just to reassure you when my DC were little we went to a local huge soft play / trampoline thing for so many birthdays on repeat and they always loved it. I think they'll all have a lovely time.

You're being really silly OP. If it's a cool venue then the kids will love to go twice. What's the issue?
One year my DS and about five friends all had their parties at the same laserzone venue (on different dates). They were all very happy they got to go so many times.
This year the fashionable venue is Ninja Warriors so there have been several parties there.
It's never, ever occurred to me that only my children can parties at a certain venue!

Nah it seems there are just a lot of people on Mumsnet who fall into one of two camps

a) don’t agree with spending a lot of money on
parties

b) would not care about trampling all over another kids party, that they only found out about from the other parent… because nobody “owns a party idea” - aka selfish twats

Edited to add - I get that parties often tend to be at the same venue, such as the local soft play / laser tag etc. but this is so specific and far away that I can see why it will seem a bit weird and the second birthday girl will feel like it’s copying.

I’m just going to check - you are transporting the kids there rather than expecting their parents to?

Right, so it's doubly important for the adults involved to keep it all in perspective.

I'd be pissed off too but not for long.

As pp says use the first party as an opportunity to see what works and what doesn't and hopefully the 2nd party will be more enjoyable as some/all of them will have done it before.

By next year they won't even remember who's party it was let alone which one was first