AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Surely she must know your daughter can’t have the same party now.

Don’t be ridiculous, children don’t have different parties to everyone else! Crikey, my children were in the era of McDonalds parties, every second party was on the McDonald's train!

You think that someone shouldn’t buy the same dress as you……

Madness!

Exactly.

People keep using other examples like it will magically change someone's opinion.

Why would I care if a friend bought the same dress as me?

Jesus, it’s unreal isn’t it?

Oh hi Jenny, love your dress, where did you get it from?

Oh, I’m not telling you, you must not buy the same dress as me!

If anything it's a compliment because they like your style!

It can be a bit of an "oops" moment if you both wear it at the same time but it's also pretty funny

"We must only have our own individual style". Do you think these posters assign styles to their friendship groups? "You can be the goth, you the tomboy, you the jock, you the princess and I'll be tired mum in leggings"

What if you were going to buy the dress for a friends wedding and then the friend you showed it too said she’d now bought it to wear to that wedding.?

Still not bothered?

it's not a wedding. It's a 10yo birthday party at a venue that organises birthday parties. It's like being upset your friend bought the same socks.

It's more like
"I brought this dress last year. They do it in a slightly different style that I'm going to buy this year for an event in June"
"Oh ye that dress looked really nice, I'll buy one like you've just shown me for an event in April"

Unless I was the bride….. I would not be bothered.

Do you think men say, oh god I’ve turned in a blue suit, so have you.

Exactly this!

@Homer28 in your position I would absolutely be trying to do something even better. What that is you will have to research. My DD had something amazing for her 10th not to be the best in her class, but it was something she desperately had been waiting till she was old enough to do. I will pm you as it’s quite outing IRL.

One suggestion is a big party in a nice venue with DJ rather than child entertainer, make it a big of a big kids thing. We did that for my oldest 11th, we had tables set up with lots of neon paint and glow sticks, foam machine etc…

Lol no

but then I doubt those men discussed what they were wearing beforehand and told each other about the lovely suit they’d found 😂

@Homer28 I hope now she’s had a little while to get used to the idea your daughter is either excited to do the activity twice or decided she’d prefer do something else instead. I’ve realised based on discussing this thread with friends in real life that about 3/4 of us wouldn’t register this as a thing at all. The ones who would were mildly irritated at the idea but similar to you it was more because it would upset their kids than anything else. I do think this is probably the kind of situation that’s decent for building resilience. It is initially upsetting but there are lots of solutions and you can help with perspective. In the end both parties will be fun and then you can gently remind child that while they were sad it’s all worked out fine in the end. That way next time something disappointing happens they have that reminder that it can be overcome. It’s hard sometimes balancing acknowledging how the kids are feeling and not belittling any upsets with helping them have the tools to handle disappointments with equanimity.

Who knows? Don’t think I’ve ever discussed what I’m wearing to a wedding either to be honest.

More money than sense! What do you intend for an 18th? Obs Dj and dancing will have been done, so can’t do that again!

Oh she would love this!

Yeah - I had asked a couple of people in real life and they understood what I was saying but it’s hard for someone to tell you you are mental face to face hence the thread 😅.

A friend asked a couple of people too in a focus group and it was pretty mixed so I’ve come to the conclusion that the mumsnet 72% is not far off real life.

I can see how my friend doesn’t think it’s a big deal but I haven’t been inched into apologising territory for giving off.

Thought I would post an update for anyone who vaguely cared about how this turned out.

The party was a couple of weeks ago and according to my DD was a bit of a damp squib as out of 12 of them only 4 did the course. The others reverted to the venues soft play including the birthday girl.

My DH was right all along 😅.

So what are you going to do for DDs party? And is this girl going to be invited???

No idea yet but yes her friend is still invited.
The 10 years olds actually haven’t had cross words about this yet at all lol

I can see where you are coming from, but I think 8 weeks apart it is far enough not to be an issue. If it's a fun "cool" party then they will be very happy to do it again and it really isn't important who is first.

This happened to us once, but the other party was only a week earlier, which really felt too close for very much the same party. I cancelled our booking and organized a party at home, which was actually much better! ( I attended the other party too). The kids were younger though.

Blooming heck, how complicated! When I was 10, it was a birthday tea at home, pass the parcel and a play in the garden 🤣

OP what does your DD think? Would she like something different given how the other party turned out?

Yes, she doesn’t want to do the activity now lol

OOF What a result. Day saved for your daughter maybe! She can now have a cooler party and have maintained the moral high-ground.
thanks for updating.