AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

I know you haven't called her names or anything like that.
I'm a little confused by your perspective and values as they really don't align to mine hence the questions.
I was just wondering what you would think and how you would feel if your friend saw this.
It's pretty identifying and I'd be worried about fall out socially, not just for me but also my daughter.
If she's annoyed that someone has a party in the same venue as her how would she feel if this made it to the sun or the fail and everyone at school knows ?
We seem like very different people though, so maybe it isn't a problem for you. Or you don't think that would filter down to your child's friendship group.
I hope what ever happens your daughter has a nice party and things get resolved.
You don't come across as being an arsehole however un reasonable I think you are.

Youre not over reacting and your friend is a dick.
So, for what its worth, we did this type of party, ariel treck type of thing. Literally half of them came off crying as it was too hard/scary. So, I pray for that to happen to your 'friends' party.
Other 'cool' ideas that may not have been done before ten that have been loved by our kids:
Go Karting
Waterpark (although cant remember if this is what you did last year)
Ice Skating
Sledging (depends if you live anywhere near an artificial ski slope

All a bit different and all went down better than the ariel treck!

Be validated, your friend nicked your idea. 10 year old can be witches about copying.

Why on earth would you pray that children don't enjoy a birthday party ?
Because a stranger on the Internet is upset because her friends dd chose the same venue for a party as her dd.

Agree to disagree but then I’m the sort of mum who wants my children to get the top mark in their school tests and win the races at school and get selected for the school teams. (Doesn’t happen very often but I want them to aim high!) I don’t subscribe the idea that children are never allowed to feel special.

Yeah I understand what you are saying.
If we are identified so what though? I certainly don’t think of it as any type of secret so if the other school mums find out what odds? If this thread is a representative sample then the one with something to lose from that is ME as I look bonkers.

I’ve said a few times that I know my friend is just trying to do best by her DD (not that that she is doing it because she is spiteful or trying to teach me a lesson or any of that petty stuff) but that the behaviour just niggled me.

If it comes out and the friendship ends that’s unfortunate but you could say the same about any ‘risk’ in life I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So you want them to get the 'top marks' for birthday parties too?

As I said, I think wanting to feel special is fine. I think it's a shame that some people can't feel special without it involving a competition of who is best, especially when it is supposed to be about having fun with friends.

What about if it were your wedding? Would you feel differently?

say you have gone around a billion venues, found the perfect one. Tell your mate who books the exact venue 2 months before you? Used the same flowers/ colour schemes etc. it is an absolute identical wedding with a lot of guests who are the same for both?

would you honestly not be bothered? would it be a case of you are celebrating with friends and family so it doesn’t matter?

Other than the fact I consider weddings to be slightly different because they hopefully only happen once and not every year, not really.

But then I didn't go around a billion venues and get all sentimental about the 'perfect one'. I really wouldn't have cared if a friend had got married in the same place or even had the same flowers/colour schemes, those things weren't important to me and certainly weren't what made me feel special on the day.

Parties also don't have to be identical just because they are at the same place.

OP didn't book anything so at least she and her daughter can pick something else because it bothers them so much.

It's not a wedding though is it? Stupid comparison. It's a kids birthday party. Repetition of venue and guest list is pretty much guaranteed.

The voice of reason!

This might be a good thing. You’ll see if DH concerns play out and if so, can save your daughter from a disappointing party

Practically, aspirationally and socially, you haven't really got a case.

Ethically, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

This isn't the first person wishing a TEN year old a crappy party for daring to use the same venue

I just wanna know where the place is now, because it sounds like a good place to take the kids for a day out!

The venue is the same, and a venue used before anyway, but it doesn't mean things like the cake, the goodie bags, the other things are the same unless I missed that?

If I was having a wedding every year I'd be cool with it 😎

Another poster missing the point. Your daughter doesn’t want to be the ONLY person ever having a party at this venue - but she would understandably like to be the first person to introduce it to her social group (unless someone you haven’t mentioned it to does, which is a possibility - altho there’s still a massive difference between someone also happening upon it and someone going out of their way to pre-empt her AFTER BEING INTRODUCED TO IT BY OP!!!!)

Bit annoying and a bit shitty of her, but nothing you can do about it. Might as well let the kids enjoy the same party twice, go with what your daughter wants, not what you think is coolest.

That's really unreasonable of her! A friend wouldnt do that. Surely she must know your daughter can't have the same party now?

You've got to do something for your daughter's birthday that's even better/more cool now!

Don't worry OP, in the real world you're completely valid. Only in MN world are you wrong to feel this way.

I think you meant to quote me.
You sound unhinged you really do.ive never know of a stranger getting so worked up over someone else's overreaction.

Wow.

It's really not, I think the majority of people simply wouldn't care.
Which has been reflected in this thread.
People do have different boundaries, perspectives etc.
You, the op and some others on this thread would think that this is a really shitty thing to do but I would equally think oh god what an overreaction, she's highly strung, neurotic, a bloody nightmare etc.
Maybe there's no right or wrong but different ways of thinking.
But I'm firmly in the team friend camp.

It was you wasn't it?

Yep, to an extent.

Except, I am not in the team friend camp, I do think it was a bit of a shitty thing to do, but I wouldn't get hysterical about it the way some on the thread are.

And for absolutely certain this notion that the OP must do something equally cool to trump the other mother is kind of nuts.

They are kids, they will have forgotten all about this shortly and the next big thing will come along.

No matter what anyone thinks, there is literally nothing the OP can do about it. Nothing at all. Except embarrass herself and her daughter, if she makes a thing out of it.

I'm with you OP.

All the parents in here saying they know better, when your daughter herself has said 'this is the situation, I know from experience this is how my friends will react', and the parents would ignore that.

Completely agree about the ridiculous notion of the best party competition.
It's a bit embarrassing tbh but typical mn froth.