AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

You can place me where you like, but I assure I understand your point. I just think it's absurd.

Yes, the second category then (it was an and/or after all) which would be posters that understand the point and wouldn’t waver on the reasonableness/unreasonableness (very fair to have a distinct POV) but argue with me over lots of pedantic shite eg. Was it even booked OP???? 🙄🙄🙄🙄.

There are a few of you out there.

You have largely taken all of the comments, even the OTT ones very well which doesn't happen often on AIBU. 😂

If you read back through the thread, most agreeing with you appear to be under the impression this was a booked, planned and paid for party. Had you lead with "was thinking about, but haven't committed to" I suspect some of those posters would have thought differently. Disingenuous and dramatic.

If you are so sure why don’t you pick someone who agrees with me at random and ask them?

If you are correct I will strop off accordingly.

I didn’t feel I was being disingenuous but I will offer an edit and apology at the start of the thread if this turns out to be the case.

I agree with OP and didn’t think that at all. 😂

April = Indoor Sky Climb. June = Amazing outdoor activity involving Sky Climb etc.

I'd be thinking Go Ape because I'm that petty. I know the venue has a special place in your heart but I'm sure your DD would adore it if you found something EVEN BETTER at a different venue entirely because that one is so last year...

I think it is CF so it would be satisfying to breezily say "Well, we WERE thinking about it, but then we realised DD had already had parties there so we wanted something different"... 😂🤭

The mother really wants this party herself.

I wasn’t. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t physically booked. The intent was they were going to book it and had told the friend that. The friend then went - ‘thanks for the info. We would never have thought of this place but now I’ve shown my daughter it and she loves it we are going to book it for a party before your daughters.’

I am struggling with why some people are struggling to understand why a child may wish to have a ‘cooler’ party than other children. Any by ‘cooler’ in this situation I translate to mean completely different to any other party that has happened. Some children get lost in amongst their friends. They are quiet, compliant, don’t rock the boat, don’t court the centre of attention. And so for their birthday they think, ‘I’d like to do something really memorable that the others will find exciting. I don’t want the usual trampoline park but I want something no one has done before’ and for that few hours to that child it is the best experience ever.

i can’t understand what makes the child awful for wanting that and the child’s mother awful for facilitating that. I did the exact thing for my daughter for her 16th a few years ago and it would have been completely ruined (an event that wouldn’t have been the same had it been done beforehand - we checked that no one had before booking) and they all had a great time. I would have been really upset if another parent had booked it 2 months before. For my very quiet non- attention seeking daughter, this was a really special few hours with her friends and they still talk about it.

I understand why a child has that mindset. I don't understand why an adult would encourage the competitiveness of it all though especially with other children who are supposed to be friends and especially after having a very similar moment at the same venue with a different activity the year before.

I don't think OP or her child is awful but I don't think OP's friend or her child is awful either.

It it isn’t competitiveness that’s the point. It isn’t trying to be better than their friends, it is about doing something that for a couple of hours makes that child feel super special . What is wrong with that?

Of course it matters. People "intend" to do all sorts of things, sometimes they end up doing them, sometimes not. An intention is not an exclusivity cause - especially for a children's activity for 7 whole months! Why can't other kids think it looks fun for their own birthday? Making a fuss and turning it into a competition is just engineered drama for the sake of it.

A 19 page thread about a kid’s party??? Are people really having a very slow week?

How isn't it? If feeling special includes wanting to introduce your friends to something they haven't done before then there is absolutely at least aspects of wanting to have the better party.

All parents and children want that super special feeling on a child's birthday, it just doesn't have to include making it a big deal to be the one to do it first.

Oh my goodness I'm laughing at all the stern lectures you're getting OP!

Of course your DD is going to be upset. She's waited ages and felt like this was her "thing" and was excited to invite her friends.

The only bit I wouldn't have done is saying something to your friend once the deed was done and plan revealed.

Say no more but send out your DD's invites early, as others have said. There's not much else you could do and keep your collective dignity intact 🤣

But I get it. I was the slightly awkward, on the sidelines child who would have been BURSTING to send my invites out for this cool party. And I would have been so gutted if someone beat me to it, especially if they were more confident, more popular, tended to get whatever they wanted easily (not saying your friend's DD is like this but I'm just imagining the type).

Um...no one is forcing you to read it are they? What do you care?

believe me, I didn't read all 19 pages. I just did a diagonal read of what it's about and can't believe people are getting their knickers in a twist on a Friday evening over a PARTY??? It is funny though. MN sure makes you grateful you have more going on in your life and don't need to sweat the small stuff haha

Yet another thread where twats pile on and are rude to the OP 🤔
OP

It’s hard to find the positives in this type of thread but it does warm my heart to find out that there are people out there living bigger and better lives that some of the rest of us..

You go girl! 😎

I was just thinking the same 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Blimey.
This is a good old bun fight isn't it. It reminds me of the threads of days gone by
Op can I just ask your thoughts of super soakers at children's parties? Yea or Nay ?

In this case I think yabu.
For many of the reasons already mentioned.
I've never really understood the ownership of ideas / venues etc and I wouldn't even describe myself as particularly laid back.
If the other girl wants to have a party at the venue, why shouldn't she just because your dd wants to be the only one to have a party there ?
Why does your daughters party trump hers ?
If you're rethinking your friendship with your friend do you think there is a chance she's doing the same?
I get that there's other people who would be annoyed about this and I'm glad that makes you feel less shit about it, it doesn't mean you're being rational. Don't forget this is MN where people are offending by people knocking on their door.

Perhaps she is and if that’s the case it’s okay.

i don’t want to keep friendships based on pretending I’m someone that I’m not. My friend and I do not have values that align it seems anyway.

Is there a chance that she is on MN and will see this. Along with the other parents of children invited?

Do you really think this is worth falling out over ?

I guess there is somewhat of a chance.

I was annoyed about it. I wouldn’t never speak to her again about it but it does annoy me and I felt it was worth letting her know how I felt.

the thread has been cathartic in a way but again, I don’t see the issue posting it and I haven’t called her any names or anything at any point.

If she sees the thread and wants to cut me off because of it then that’s her choice.

I don’t regret anything that I have done as I don’t think it crosses any lines.