AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

People do get carried away about silly things on this site, for sure. And once they've nailed their colours to the mast they feel they have to double down and it gets increasingly overwrought.

What was me ?

Oh, hell no.

I understand why you feel like you do but I think you have to use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter a bit of emotional resilience here. If she starts going on that it was her party idea in the first place, no one will much care and she will make herself look silly.

I think you also need to have a plan B for your daughter's party in June as if the party in April doesn't go as well as it might, the potential invitees might not want to go again. The drive there is quite long, April weather can be pretty wet and miserable, you just need one person to hurt themselves and cry to go home, and it can make a fun day out turn into one where the end can't come soon enough so leave it where it is with your friend, and plan for something else. You've got a bit of time to find something equally appealing.

I was quoting the OP so she was tagged in the reference.

Explain ‘unhinged’. Perhaps you can’t as grammar clearly isn’t your strong point is it, bless you.

She said many, many times what her issue was. It wasn’t that it was a well-known venue where other kids would likely have gone, like the local leisure centre or village hall. That would clearly be unreasonable. She also said it wouldn’t have upset her as much if another kid had invited ppl bc they had been there too or found out about it. It was the fact her ‘friend’ was told about the place and activity in reference to her daughter having her party there, by HER - she didn’t mention it in passing - she was asking for advice with a clear purpose - and the woman decided to have her own daughter’s party there just a couple of months ahead. Not 6-11 months, 8 weeks.

If you can’t see why that would upset her daughter and irritate the OP, you probably find a lot of scenarios where you’re asked to extend empathy challenging don’t you.

Ooooh a dig at grammar.
Bit bellow the belt.
No you're right it's not the best but I've just got in from a busy night shift and this is MN not a bloody essay.
I have plenty of empathy, but I'm also sensible and rational and don't like to dive into the MN froth just because I can.
I'm going to bed now, if you really want to know what unhinged means you can try re reading your posts or just Google it.

THANK YOU!

it has been difficult lol
Another famous ‘miss the point’ is that I want brownie points from the kids for discovering this ‘super special place’ lol
I have explained several times my issue is my DD being upset and feeling hurt at my friends behaviour. 😅

Yes, but there's nothing you can do about it, the party is booked. All you can now do is find a different party, or both girls have the same party.

Making a fuss would make you seem a little batshit and would not help your daughter feel better.

As you have acknowledged her feelings you now have to find a practical solution.

Completely missing point of the thread but I’m really curious to know where this place is - sounds something up my kids street!

I know there is nothing I can do about it.

The point of the thread was me checking in to see if I was being unreasonable as my friend was so baffled by my reaction and I wondered was my feeling ‘unhinged’ (the word of the moment).
NOT to come up with ideas the rectify the situation.

I said in one my early replies that the overwhelming YABU had encouraged me to drop it, there will be no further action.

I have enjoyed (to an extent) the debate on the thread and have found it cathartic except for the posters deliberately missing the point which I find disruptive and just plain irritating.

Where are you based (loosely?) lol

She is referring to you being my friend (a joke).

Ah, I should have got that.
So bloody tired. Well I'm glad you found this helpful anyway.

Central Scotland but holiday often Lakes / Manchester area

I’d be pissed off at this. When I was a kid I had a cousin who copied me constantly. At my 10th birthday party she turned up in the same dress as me after my nan had told her mum about said new dress that I was planning to wear! I still remember her turning up, and my hurt! Yes, At 10 years old!

A bit different I know, but kids feel these things.

YANBU - and in your place I’d be feeling hurt about my so called friend too. A little bit let down, and I’d certainly play my cards closer to my chest with her.

I know girls can be a bit ‘dramatic’ lol - I have a granddaughter now, but Hope your daughter can still have the party she wants. ❤️

Too far unfortunately, we love Crieff Hydro though! Their tree zip line thing is even better! 😊

It is annoying but just explain to your DD that the other girl is just as entitled to have her party there and it doesn't mean she can't have hers there also.

Damn! Never mind! Crieff Hydro is great!

They are going to be very similar. The point I was making is the experience is going to be almost identical.

would it honestly not bother you at all to have an almost identical wedding to yours booked 2 months before yours at the same venue?

Looking at the votes I don’t think it reflects normal life at all. Your post has just attracted all the non confrontational type people who don’t find issue with anything or are too worried about judgement from others if they do stand up for themselves (unless they are sat behind a screen in an echo chamber!)

I’d be annoyed. I would have said something and then moved on. But secretly I would hold a grudge against this person forever!

Love all you posters that are ‘ride or die’ with me on this and can’t understand how others can’t understand the issue BUT I’ve learned through the course of the thread that there are posters who will firmly not change their stance so I wouldn’t try and persuade them:
UtterlyButterly
the username that reminder me of the game DingDongDitch
SouthLondon
Nightshift worker who’s username begins with K lol

*a venue I hadn't even booked yet

If I was so attached to the venue then no, it wouldn't bother me. Because it's the venue I want to use

And other things can be different. A venue and a wedding would be the only similarity.

But then I'm not a precious "must one up everyone else" type

Ah and now OP is firmly in MN territory:
"People aren't agreeing so I'll make a big point of leaving the thread"
"Actually no I won't, I'll come and bask in being told I'm right by a small number of posters and make a little club with them of snug rightness. We won't listen to anyone else."

It's not missing the point to say the venue isn't super secret and anyone could use it because YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE.

It is missing the point as WHAT ODDS THAT THE VENUE ISNT SUPER SECRET??

No one has said it’s secret and no one cares if it is secret.

Im sorry but I think you are coming across really badly.

(I am aware I have already come across really badly to 73% of posters)

10 yo want a cool party? Since when?