AIBU to not want to take SC on this holiday?

[MeanOrJustified]

I’ve won an all-inclusive beach holiday for two adults and two children. DH and I have a toddler and he has a DD, 12 and two DS, 8 and 11. Nice kids but the older two fight a lot and the youngest is quite demanding and prone to wanting his own way, and sulking when he doesn’t get it. They are active and will hate a beach holiday and it’s generally not very relaxing to be around them.

We haven’t been on a foreign holiday since before our toddler was born. Used to do lots, always with SC, but DH was made redundant when I was pregnant and is now in a lower paid role and we can only afford UK breaks until either one of us gets a better job or our child is in school. If we hadn’t won it, we wouldn’t be going on a foreign holiday. We had plans for ten days’ camping with SC which we’ll still do.

DH thinks we should ask to pay to extend the holiday to a larger family room so SC can come, and put the two extra flights on a credit card. I don’t want to. AIBU?

It's not about what they do with mum tho is it?! Dad should holiday with all his children like he wants too not just 1 off them!!

And he can. When he pays for it himself ( or at least pays half!)

@Busyquaver1 Can he afford to bring them on this holiday?

Before the thread expires, I think it’s also worth pointing this out. Here we have a man who allows his wife to knock herself out working sixty hours a week to support their family alone. Then, instead of seeing the holiday for what it is - a chance for her to unwind and recharge, as well as an opportunity for them to sort out their marriage - insists on her going into debt so his own children can go on a holiday which wasn’t designed to accommodate them. So you can bet your bippy, that if OP relents and pays for them to go, he will have no hesitation in passing off the childcare to OP while he takes full advantage and enjoys the holiday he’s hijacked from the one person who needs it.

No. He’s not working. OP pays for everything.

Wanting to and being able to afford it are two different things though aren’t they?He’s not working. OP pays for everything and works a sixty hour week to do it. The fact that she can’t afford to pay for his kids to go and would have to go into debt to do it, clearly means nothing to him. If he wants his kids to go on the holiday he should get off his arse and earn the money to do it, not expect his wife to be a workhorse on demand. And FYI, OP said upthread that in the past DH has frequently taken just his own kids away to do activities they enjoy without DD. Sauce for the gander, but apparently not for the goose.

OP can holiday with just her child if she wants to.

I wouldn't take any of the children. Toddler can have lovely stay at grandma's 😆

I’d take it further and say it’s not about the DSC at all on this occasion. Or their CF father.
This time, it’s about OP getting what she needs and deserves. She’s important in her own life, she didn’t just disappear as an individual human being the minute she said “I do”.

Agreed.
However, upon reflection, if granny can take her child and look after her, heading off with a friend or two might give her the space to fully realise what a complete mug she has been taken for.

Well I’ve looked up the word ‘merail’ on my own device and so far with no luck - and that includes the Oxford English Dictionary. Zero results. So since you seem to be the only one who has heard of or utilised the word, would you care to expand on it’s meaning ?

I presume she's trying to say that you're derailing the thread by making it all about 'Me. Me. Me.'

I'd not heard that expression before, but it seems fairly apt.

Yep, makes sense when you put it like that. And many posters doing it too !!😀

Well if he can't then can he afford to holiday at all?? Cancel the 10day camping they have planned and all go on this one instead!

Am sure she was aware that the man she was marrying had another family he was responsible for!!

Did he not say he would pay? putting it on credit card is still paying last time I checked!

Who will be paying off the credit card considering he's a lazy arse who doesn't pay his way?

Yes but if you actually read OP’s posts, you’ll see that her husband lost his £100k+ job and has been doing fuck all ever since while letting her pay for his other kids. So he is not being responsible for them, she is. She has done more than enough.

No. He said OP could put it on HER credit card! Cos she’s a walking talking ATM as far as he’s concerned.

It doesn't mean she has to have the piss taken out of her. Their Mum & Dad need to sort themselves out.

Yes, it is paying - provided you can afford it, which OP says they cannot. It’s also piling debt onto debt. It was OP’s credit card he wanted to put it on, because he’s drowning in debt which OP is working 60 hours a week to pay off !! Why do you think it’s acceptable for OP to get herself into debt because he’s too lazy to get off his arse, get a proper job and pay his way ?

@MeanOrJustified i am all for not excluding the children from his first relationship but I think it sounds like you and dh do your share with the kids . I think you are entitled to time out with your dh and I think you sound like you need and deserve it.

Don't use your energy arguing .
Ask are you going and if the answer is yes then do it with a smile on your face or I’m asking a friend .

@Busyquaver1 If you read all of the OP’s posts, you’ll see that he lost his job, has debt and the OP is helping to pay his CMS and covering all their household bills. He can’t pay off a credit card, all it’ll do is add to his debts.

He hasn’t adapted to the reality of his current financial situation .

Maybe. But how could she know that the man she was marrying would opt out of earning and be perfectly happy to leave her to work every hour god sends to foot all the bills ? And he’s not being ‘responsible’ for them is he ? He’s leaving that to OP. Someone upthread said he views her as a walking ATM, and if you read her full post and updates, that’s bang on.

This