AIBU to not want to take SC on this holiday?

[MeanOrJustified]

I’ve won an all-inclusive beach holiday for two adults and two children. DH and I have a toddler and he has a DD, 12 and two DS, 8 and 11. Nice kids but the older two fight a lot and the youngest is quite demanding and prone to wanting his own way, and sulking when he doesn’t get it. They are active and will hate a beach holiday and it’s generally not very relaxing to be around them.

We haven’t been on a foreign holiday since before our toddler was born. Used to do lots, always with SC, but DH was made redundant when I was pregnant and is now in a lower paid role and we can only afford UK breaks until either one of us gets a better job or our child is in school. If we hadn’t won it, we wouldn’t be going on a foreign holiday. We had plans for ten days’ camping with SC which we’ll still do.

DH thinks we should ask to pay to extend the holiday to a larger family room so SC can come, and put the two extra flights on a credit card. I don’t want to. AIBU?

You can all go around in circles and make out she’s the mean Step Mum. But the prize is not for a family of 6… they can’t afford the extra flights, the upgrade, all the food and drink when they’re there. And all of that extra cost is funded by the OP. When she already supports this family single handily.

So there’s no discussion really.

This. Why do so many women do this?

In your circumstances I wouldn’t be taking my DH either. Go with friends or family.

This. And if she is on the brink of divorce I would cut my losses and go on holiday with just the dd.

This changes things for me. I’m usually a “no children get left out” kind of girl BUT if the other children get their own holidays without toddler then they’re fine to miss this one.

It is one holiday.

To be fair though I couldn't be with a man who put financial pressure on me.

This!!!

I’m 100% with OP. Her win, her boundaries. I would be giving notice on the house and husband and moving with DD to flat. Leave husband to sort out his own accommodation and maintenance payments. He is dragging you down and has had plenty of time to find a job paying better than his current work. I hope there was a prenup protecting assets brought to the marriage OP

Ok - let’s break this down

• OP you won a free holiday! Congrats - I’ve always dreamed of that! It is your holiday and by the sounds of it you can’t afford any add ons. Fair enough. If your husband wants to bring SC, which I can totally see why he would, he is totally responsible for paying for their flights and an extra room and other activities. When you marry a man with children you agree to have to them in your life and as part of your family but financially they are not your responsibility.
• sounds like the marriage is over. This is also fair enough. People split up and sounds like you’ve been drained trying to keep everything and everyone afloat. It seems you have an opportunity coming up to take back your flat. You will of course need to get out of your rental agreement so you may have a messy couple of months
• put yourself and your dd first. Sounds like you are financially secure and will be able to take over the mortgage on your salary.
• If you are out of your marriage - the care and financial arrangemts of the sc are not your responsibility at all. They have two parents. Your only role would be to facilitate a relationship for dd with her siblings
• you sound broken, at the end of a tether and exhausted. Take back control of your life

good luck! I don’t believe you are the evil stepmother- just another woman expected to have it all and do it all

Well from my experience, one holiday will not do any harm.

Can you get your head around the fact that there is no money to take the three stepchildren on the holiday? They are drowning in debt and OP is working 60 hours a week as a lawyer to pay off the debts while her DH works a couple of shifts per week as a delivery driver and sends all the money he earns to his ex-wife.

Don't have children with men that already have children if you aren't prepared to treat those kids as part of your family.

This is the prevailing narrative on this thread and this is the whole problem! Most mums of their own biological children want a bloody break from those children sometimes 🙄 and no one thinks anything of it, but if you want a break from SC suddenly you’re the devil incarnate. As I said many posts ago, I’m a mum and a step mum and a second family mum. And I would happily leave both SC and my own DC behind and go away with just OH and shared DC, not because I’m an evil wicked mother and stepmother but because it completely changes the dynamic due to the age gaps - baby DD can be put in the sling while OH and I do whatever we want, we can have proper grown up conversations about whatever without anyone eavesdropping or trying to join in, everything she needs is very portable so we don’t need to plan the day around her particularly. It totally changes the vibe having any of the others there as they want a totally different kind of input and attention.
Does it mean I don’t love either my DC or DSC? No, I adore them all. I bend over backwards to try and keep everything balanced and provide as much fun and enjoyment and lovely times as I can possibly squeeze into their little lives. I do lots with just my DC, with my SC, and with all of them together. And sometimes I want a flipping break from the lot of them!

Try using the device you've been posting nonsense on to look up the word merail. And then stop doing it. Because this isn't about you, and your situation is immaterial.

The OPs contributions are valuable, glad we've got that out of you. You eventually admitted that the contributions she's made were not in fact the sort that one would make to a next door neighbour's child. So now we'll move on to the next nonsense hyperbole, which was that OPs comments sounded like those of a 'vague acquaintance'. As if anyone provides this level of subsidy and involvement to prop up parental relationships with children of vague acquaintances.

Yes, a number of posters seem to have missed that there's no money to fund 3 extra DC coming. OP has said it would have to go on her credit card, as her wages go to pay all the expenses for their household and DH can only cover maintenance and his phone. It's not actually affordable. Unless maybe they sell the toddler.

OP's going to leave her DH at home with his kids and just go with her toddler so that should be fine as he will not be leaving his kids at home.

I think OP probably agrees that she shouldn't have married their dad as he is absolutely useless.

Why?

Do you more have more experience of my family than I do?

Head. Wall. Bang. because so many of you are missing the point. The Op is not chosing to not take them on holiday - they can't bloody afford to take them - what part are you all missing! Their childhood won't be ruined because they didn't go on one holiday which was won and which it looks like their father won't be going on anyway! FFS stop derailing the thread with bashing of step parents or bashing the Op!

The stepmom bashers care nothing for the facts as is obvious from responses here.

They just want to have a kick at another woman struggling. Sad little lives.

They expect OP to find a money tree to fund the children of lazy feckless parents.

I’ve RTFT and I’m hoping that OP has decided to just go on the trip with her DD, given notice on the rental house and is making plans to divorce the useless H.

So you have no experience of blended families.

What's upset you so much about this thread?