AIBU to not want to take SC on this holiday?

[MeanOrJustified]

I’ve won an all-inclusive beach holiday for two adults and two children. DH and I have a toddler and he has a DD, 12 and two DS, 8 and 11. Nice kids but the older two fight a lot and the youngest is quite demanding and prone to wanting his own way, and sulking when he doesn’t get it. They are active and will hate a beach holiday and it’s generally not very relaxing to be around them.

We haven’t been on a foreign holiday since before our toddler was born. Used to do lots, always with SC, but DH was made redundant when I was pregnant and is now in a lower paid role and we can only afford UK breaks until either one of us gets a better job or our child is in school. If we hadn’t won it, we wouldn’t be going on a foreign holiday. We had plans for ten days’ camping with SC which we’ll still do.

DH thinks we should ask to pay to extend the holiday to a larger family room so SC can come, and put the two extra flights on a credit card. I don’t want to. AIBU?

How would that be paid for?

I agree totally with this. I see so much projection on this thread. I’m the first to say to treat stepchildren equally. It is also important to spend time with your child one to one, which when working 60 hours a week with a young child and having the step dcs every weekend will be in very short supply. Op needs to recharge her batteries, not to have her energy and finances drained further.

I think OP having read all your posts that you need a break. So I agree go by yourself with your toddler and try to have a relaxing week by yourself. Hopefully there's a kids club or something so you can enjoy some you time as well. You sound pretty broken to be honest.

Overall, in any case if the family can't afford the extra flights etc then I agree you can't take the SC. In my world, credit card means you cant afford it. And the idea that you'd all bunk in a big family room? Madness with that age range of kids, everyone would hate it. So the cost is even more than DG is suggesting.

It does sound like DH is depressed and checking out of life, parenting and the marriage. And it doesn't sound like you think it's worth fighting for. I'd cut the rope sooner rather than later if I were you

Amen !

The expense won't end with the extra flights and upgraded rooms though will it? Even though it is all-inclusive there will surely be extra spending money required - personally, I wouldn't take the SC.

But that's not all on OP surely? Their parents are responsible for supporting the DC they brought into the world. They are not working and cannot properly fund them. It's not OPs responsibility to give them a magical childhood. She is supporting the family by working, it doesnt sound like she likes the way the SC are parented but again if she intervened then people would criticise saying it's not her job, but other than that she seems to be at least trying with them. The extra holiday is not affordable by the family. It's a credit card debt job. For a family that are at their financial limits. It's downright irresponsible to fork out extra money for a luxury when DH can barely afford to support his kids

Can you get your head around the fact that not all children are the same? And that op knows these children and you don't? Or what about that op would need to work even more to pay for these kids to come than she already does. ffs

You know the op has actually left her own child behind on a previous holiday to go with the step kids? And had to return to work earlier than planned after mat leave because DH hasn't found a job to pay his share of the household? And would have to pay the extra fees using her credit card, not DHs?

I don't think it's the step parent who is in the wrong in this situation!!

Oh trust me the concern is genuine!

Just go with your dc op,I would,ditch the cocklodger!sounds like you would have a calmer life without him.

I can understand why you feel exhausted and need a recharge OP.

I think it's completely reasonable for you to have a break and to not take your SC on this occasion. There is already a holiday booked with all of the children for later this year. If DH gets another job maybe there could be more expensive holidays to
come.

DH mental health seems to be a huge issue, can you drop the couples counselling and have individual counselling instead?
Have you told DH that you are feeling stressed and exhausted and that his poor health and lack of income is taking a toll on you? Your health is important too.

How did you win the holiday?!!! I don't know anyone in RL who has won a holiday!

Thought you saw no point in continuing the discussion? Anyway, the merailing and foolish comparisons certainly were, we know that much.

Really, your posts are a great example of how stepmothers can't win. You've essentially created a framework where none of the vast contributions made by OP count. When it was pointed out to you that you were completely wrong, you decided to make it about some vague wider issue instead. You really need to stay on point.

In this case her useless DH who contributes just enough to pay his CM and leaves OP to financially support his own kids - then demands she take on more credit to take them on holiday when he’s already drowning in debt. Not to mention their bio mother who dumps her kids on them whilst she holidays with her new family. I doubt very much that OP could have anticipated any of this when she got together with DH. It’s not a problem of her making, but she’s expected to finance it.

Are you trying to say derailing or is merailing a made up tiktok word or something? Are you a stepmum? I am and my stepdaughter is the centre of my world just like the rest of my family are, she is treated like mine, and the thought of never seeing her again would utterly destroy me. My concerns are with the children here, as are those of many others on this thread. Of course the OPs contributions are valuable and of course their parents sound useless, but that doesn’t change the point for the kids that their step mum refers to never seeing them again as casually as you would a virtual stranger. Both things can be true.

Totally irrelevant projection - who is going to pay for the SC to go on the holiday - OP, that’s who. And she’d have to pay on her credit card because DH - their actual parent - is in so much debt he can’t do it. When you say leave your husband and set them all free, what do you mean ? Given that OP is financing every single thing except his child maintenance, setting them free would mean him drowning in debt and dragging his kids down with him.

Just like their mum does

I’m a stepmum. I love my stepdaughter to bits. But l’m a realist and as OP has shown here, circumstances dictate.

If l was OP and saddled with a useless debt ridden husband who expected me to finance a holiday for his three badly behaved teens whose mother dumps them while she swans off abroad with her new family, l’d be long gone.

OP says their behaviour is awful and she doesn’t want to spend the only holiday she’ll have in a while, wrangling them. Why do you think their own mother doesn’t take them on holiday ? Of course it’s not good for the children. But neither is it on OP to fix, while the two useless parents stand idly by and expect her to pick up the pieces of the mess they’ve created.

OP, if you don't want the SC to go then they don't go. It sounds like you and your daughter will be just fine no matter what happens ❤️

This. So many posters completely bypassing this. Mum swans off without a second thought for her kids, because now she has a shiny new family. But OP is expected to sacrifice time spent with her own child on holiday in order to accommodate and finance the SC. Just no.

Absolutely not....

I think you should divorce OP. Your resentment at paying for everting is clear and is also fair that you feel this way. Go on holiday with your child, just the two of you and have a lovely relaxing time.

By the other kids you mean the children of the HUSBAND? They are not the other kids. They are the kids. As a father why would he want to leave his kids at home but take his toddler with him?
@MeanOrJustified Actually it's the older kids who will love the beach holiday so have no idea why you're trying to brain wash us. Take the kids with you and stop being so bloody cruel. If you don't like them then YOU shouldn't have married their dad. P.s your defo mean not justified.

This all day long