To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

[comoatoupeira]

Hello
Sorry if this has been done to death, but does anyone else think that the childrens' birthday party and gift giving culture is completely bizarre in the UK?
What I mean is the way that people bring sometimes very large/expensive gifts, or really very thoughtful and nice gifts, like a book that has been chosen especially for the child, and yet nobody seems to expect an acknowledgment beyond 'thanks for all the lovely presents!' on the school WhatsApp group.
I know that everyone is really busy, and I know that this would always fall to the mum not the dad and we don't need any more small admin jobs related to our children, thank you, but it still feels wrong.

What feels wrong? It feels somehow grabby, or as though the effort gone into choosing the gift is just taken for granted (and the money).

I accept it's probably just something people have decided so as not to create too much work for themselves. But it bothers me. What do you think?

This is the kind of message I think would be good to receive: 'Hi! Just to say thanks so much for the gel pens, little Timmy loves them. See you on Monday'. The purpose being simply to acknowledge that a gift has been chosen and bought, nothing more!

Gosh, everyone I know in the two countries in which I’ve experienced the child birthday party scene just stuck some cash in a card after the very young stage. I think a general thanks is fine.

Just moved to the UK and getting my head around all this stuff - birthdays, playdate etiquette etc. I tend to agree if that's the case. We also went to one of my niece's birthdays on a visit here a few years ago and I found it odd that the presents were received and then piled up to be opened after everyone had gone. Not sure if that's not to embarrass anyone who might have got a smaller gift or something? I grew up in the UK and remember opening presents in front of my friends (and then they were simple gifts like stationery etc).

We do this and some of DDs friends parents do too - but I can't remember who does / doesn't so obviously didn't feel it was a big deal.
Sometimes people are just busy after the party / didn't see who gave what / don't have phone numbers etc

Nope. Children should write their own thank you notes.

I have usually given a thank you and received one. It's not that difficult. I agree with you OP.

So after they've had a full on busy day of hosting, sorting everything, herding children, tidying up etc, they should then stand over their child and write down exactly who gave them what?

Then (if a full class party), sit and compose 30 individual texts?

No, I think a general thank you is fine.

Cash! Wow, I've never heard that one.
I'm talking about Year 1 here (6 years old).
Yes, @Masmavi, same, and the children's birthday party scene has been the biggest culture shock!

In an ideal world! I'm talking about 6 year olds though (not great at writing)

yes, you designate an adult to write down what everyone gave, and then they give you the list. Then it's half an hour of texting, at some point during the following week. Not really coal mining.

I find there are more bizarre things about children's birthday parties in the UK than this.
Where I come from it would be inconceivable to

• Invite the whole class to a birthday party
• Provide a party bag for attendees
• Thank everyone individually or collectively for a present over the phone/card (I mean what's is wrong with saying thank you face to face as the person hands you a gift? Why does there need to be a separate correspondence ho-ha as well?)

Maybe they didn’t like the book you bought as much as you thought they would.

I wouldn't say children's birthday parties constituted a scene. Just a rite of passage. Guests are getting fed, entertained, party bags in return for the chosen gift of a book?

Where is this designated adult coming from?

I agree OP- time and thought has gone into choosing and wrapping a gift, a quick personal message is the right thing to do. Once they're old enough I just get them to write a text from my phone, signed with their name- the predictive text makes it quicker and easier.

Thanks for the nasty comment, but actually it's the other way around. We were given lots of presents including the book, I didn't say thank you individually as nobody else does, but I think I will next time.

I said thank you face to face as the present was given. My child never unwrapped at the party as they would have found that too overwhelming.

One of the parents at the party who you are close with, or a grandparent, an uncle, a godparent, someone like that.

Yes, I don't think anyone would not say thank you the moment a gift was put into their hands...
I don't think that's what I mean though, because you don't know what it is at that point.

We send thank you cards.

I agree that it's important to send individual messages to acknowledge each present.
Our children usually opened presents after the party and as they were opening each present I wrote down who bought the gift so we could mention each gift in the thank you messages.
We did the same 20 years ago with our wedding presents.I understand that it takes a bit of time after a busy day but I think it's good manners & a nice touch to acknowledge the efforts that parents/children make.

A general thank you is absolutely fine.

Sending 30 invidual ''thanks for the pens'', ''thanks for the books'', ''thanks for the sweets'' is just unnecessary and a waste of time which as you rightly pointed out, will be almost always left to the mother.

When they hand it to you, you don't know what it is, and it's nice to hear that the recepient liked it? And it's a good lesson for your children?

They all come with a signed card so it's hardly onerous to keep track if you open them afterwards which is the custom -I agree with a pp it avoids public comparison between presents which is better.

@comoatoupeira are you also thinking that guests should write a personal thank you card to the hosts, or is the thanks just expected to be one way?

The number of times we have hosted parties and people just hop off without saying goodbye let alone thank you is quite surprising but I’d be happy with a quick text afterwards, maybe in response to our text saying thanks for the gift. Their kids get a party, food, treats, often some entertainment, party bags.

We usually say thank you in person when the gift is given. Why would you need a written confirmation of thanks as well? Plus from an environmental perspective what a waste of paper!

A thank you at the time is enough for me