To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

[comoatoupeira]

Hello
Sorry if this has been done to death, but does anyone else think that the childrens' birthday party and gift giving culture is completely bizarre in the UK?
What I mean is the way that people bring sometimes very large/expensive gifts, or really very thoughtful and nice gifts, like a book that has been chosen especially for the child, and yet nobody seems to expect an acknowledgment beyond 'thanks for all the lovely presents!' on the school WhatsApp group.
I know that everyone is really busy, and I know that this would always fall to the mum not the dad and we don't need any more small admin jobs related to our children, thank you, but it still feels wrong.

What feels wrong? It feels somehow grabby, or as though the effort gone into choosing the gift is just taken for granted (and the money).

I accept it's probably just something people have decided so as not to create too much work for themselves. But it bothers me. What do you think?

This is the kind of message I think would be good to receive: 'Hi! Just to say thanks so much for the gel pens, little Timmy loves them. See you on Monday'. The purpose being simply to acknowledge that a gift has been chosen and bought, nothing more!

Yes it's rude. It's the product of the trend to invite large numbers, which makes the task of thanking individuals larger. But also thank you cards are dying out. I'm such a traditionalist for a thank you card. But no one else does them and this year I have had so much on that it's the first year I've done texts or video calls to family instead. I certainly wouldn't avoid thanking altogether, that's just rude!

I think people go over the top with kids' party gifts. My child received lovely generous things but we don't spend ad much on his friends, it's over the top for a big school party.

I think if you invite lots of people you still need to factor in thank yous and if that's too much then invite fewer. My sister had a large wedding but never even acknowledged our gift which was carefully chosen not to mention costly!

You will be shocked to know OP that I never know who gave what... What with minding the kids, making sure things are ticking along, making my guests comfortable etc etc I never manage to note who gave what beyond the first few.
On the flip side, if you stay, I will feed you and water you (tea, coffee, biscuits, pizza, cake etc) . I hope that makes up for a general thank you?

I am genuinely thankful for all the presents, the kids love them. I do send thank you on WhatsApp but an individual note back borders on the impossible for me.

I do always try to do individual thank yous but for my DDs last party, she actually opened the presents faster than I could get who they were from and what they were, so it was just 1 thank you message in the group chat.

Quite frankly, I think this better as it eases the pressure off a very busy day.

I agree it's a hassle, but that's what I do.

It just seems rude not to.

I sent texts to all parents after my son’s 6th birthday. I didn’t write down what everyone had given him, there a few that were stand outs and more thoughtful that I did mention specifically, but it was more a “thank you for comings to DS party, thank you for card & gift” etc.

I had most numbers as they rsvp, a few didn’t so I didn’t have their number.

Having said that, I’ve been to 4 parties this year and no one else has said thank you. It doesn’t bother me, who wants to text 30 parents. I don’t think it’s expected.

Parents should get their kids to write their friends thank you cards, that’s what I did when I was a kid

Exactly! How on earth would I know the mobile numbers of every parent in the class? I know about six, tops.
I say thank you when the gift is put on the table. I'm usually the only hosting adult there as DH worked away. DC hands out party bags at the end and thanks each child for coming.
For family Christmases or celebrations, I do note which auntie sent what for appropriate thank you messafges or cards, but not to a class of 30 children.

fruitbrewhaha · 11/03/2025 22:20
My children used to write their own thank you cards. They would draw them too.
Plus a bread and butter card to the host.

What the ever loving hell is a bread and butter card?????

I think it just means generic thank you card filled in as To You From Me, rather than a personalised Timmy absolutely loves his amazing felt tips message?

The mention of bread and butter did pique my interest too though. I'd love it if we did away with cards entirely and replaced them with baked goods.

Dd does it, when presents are opened after all the kids (always a lot - usually whole class +) have gone home. Because there are always a lot of presents (too many!) she usually puts some aside for future birthday presents, so it’s necessary to know who gave what. But Gdcs always thank each child as the present is handed over.

As for inviting the whole class, obviously it’s often not possible, but IMO it’s nice if you can, since some children always seem to get left out. Until she was maybe 10, dd always wanted to invite the whole class, and decades later I still think of the little boy who said, ‘Thank you for inviting me to your party - nobody else does.’ 😰

But does it say on the present who it's from?

Here there's usually a birthday card with it and it's the birthday card that has the names on it.
Once it's put in a bag with all the others I don't know who gave it.

More than one person now has complained that their "thoughtfully chosen and expensive" gift didn't receive special thanks

Which definitely implies it was given to get gushing thanks in return and their ego has been bruised by this lack of adoration

My 3 DC are teens now and we’ve hosted all sorts of parties over the years. Handful of friends at our house for party games, whole class parties in village hall, swim party joint with a class mate, a dozen mates at soft play or bounce park etc. DC would thank their friends for presents at the party and at the end when giving party bags out, I’d say a specific thank you to the parents at school drop off or pick up. That’s how it seemed to work when my dc were invitees too.

After about age 10 my daughters have mostly hosted sleepovers for 6-8 friends and open gifts at the party and thank their friends there and then. They love making the party bags for their mates too.

My DS recently had a birthday party. Honestly I found it impossible to track after a while which present was from whom and it would have been very hard to send personalized thank yous for that reason. Obviously we thanked when opening the presents and I made a point to say how nice each gift was.