To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

[comoatoupeira]

Hello
Sorry if this has been done to death, but does anyone else think that the childrens' birthday party and gift giving culture is completely bizarre in the UK?
What I mean is the way that people bring sometimes very large/expensive gifts, or really very thoughtful and nice gifts, like a book that has been chosen especially for the child, and yet nobody seems to expect an acknowledgment beyond 'thanks for all the lovely presents!' on the school WhatsApp group.
I know that everyone is really busy, and I know that this would always fall to the mum not the dad and we don't need any more small admin jobs related to our children, thank you, but it still feels wrong.

What feels wrong? It feels somehow grabby, or as though the effort gone into choosing the gift is just taken for granted (and the money).

I accept it's probably just something people have decided so as not to create too much work for themselves. But it bothers me. What do you think?

This is the kind of message I think would be good to receive: 'Hi! Just to say thanks so much for the gel pens, little Timmy loves them. See you on Monday'. The purpose being simply to acknowledge that a gift has been chosen and bought, nothing more!

Totally agree, OP. I posted something similar a while ago, and was disheartened by the number of people suggesting that I was the unreasonable one! I sit with a notebook and pen when my DC open presents, make a quick note of who gave what and then send individual thank you texts. Takes considerably less time than the person spent choosing and wrapping the gift.

My children used to write their own thank you cards. They would draw them too.

Plus a bread and butter card to the host.

Yes. We did this with all 42 kids. 😭😭 For her 5th 🤷‍♀️

Sent "Thanks for xxx, DD will enjoy playing with it/we've been looking out for this/she loves unicorns so this is perfect" kind of message

And about 6 videos of DD saying "thank you NAME for XXX, I really like it" it words to that effect to her closer friends.

I was always brought up to say thank you for a present - either in person as it was given to me, or by letter if it wasn't given in person.

I used to passionately hate the enforced Christmas phone calls as a child. Fine if the child wants to. Otherwise no. A written thank you (if giver not present when the gift was opened) or verbal thank you to family members is nice. For class birthday parties I think the party is in exchange for the present really. General verbal thanks is enough. I might write specific thanks to any particularly thoughtful presents or party bags etc.

I think it's not great this idea that 'the party is in exchange for the present', it feels very transactional.
Also lots of people saying 'when they hand it over' ...This language is a bit revealing, I think.

Or each family buys a present for their own kid from the whole class in lieu of buying loads of individual, prob duplicated and unsuitable gifts. Saves admin and maybe money in the long term. Needs agreement from the class though. Works well if everyone is in

@comoatoupeira I am with you on this one, OP. It really irks me that hardly anyone sends thank yous these days.

We have had a couple, two that came with photos and even a video of the child opening our gift which my little one loved to watch. And another individual text from a nursery parent with specific thanks. The parents we're on the same wave length as, I'd say.

We held a party for my 4yo and I sent individual "thank you for the....and thanks so much for coming!" text/WhatsApp to the parents of the 26 chn that came. To me it feels rude not to do so! Copy and paste and slight edits really doesn't take long, and no longer than sat on the sofa browsing MN of an early evening either.

But how do you know what to write down when it’s wrapped up? And a grandparent or uncle would surely not know the children involved.

“Pink and lilac stripy paper approx 15cm x 10cm x 3cm from the girl with the red dress with the tall, blonde mother.”

So, how many adults do you have helping you with your children's parties?

I don’t have kids but do have a full time job and can’t imagine finding the energy to type 30 thank you messages after hosting a children’s party. However, I do think the children should write thank you notes - it could be made fun and is a nice way to teach appreciation. Plus they don’t have full time jobs and the rest of it!

I mean whoever is around when the child is opening the present.

I think saying thank you is really important as well. Like many others, I make a note on my phone of who gave what as the presents are opened so I can compose a short personal message of thanks for each person over the following few days. It’s only once per year (well, twice as I have 2 primary aged DC)

Well, my parents or my husband's parents, sometimes both. My brother. If we're lucky, one godparent. Is that weird? I don't think so.

Well you've opened a can of worms here... One of the reasons I don't like to invite lots of children to parties is that I don't want my house full of more stuff, I wix they didn't bring presents but then I am not keen on turning up empty handed when we are invited! And the worst thing is when the children open the presents I have to make the effort to find out who gave what so I can thank them individually naming the present, especially difficult when the card is not physically attached to the present and they open it while I am not watching and even if I was I can not remember who each present came from... Personally a verbal thank you at the point of receiving the present should be enough surely. And most importantly, thank you for turning up and participating in the celebrations which is really what it is about!

hand it over is just normal language?

I send thank you texts to specific people when I remember or the gift has obviously been chosen with my child in mind. I could not give two hoots whether I am thanked by other parents (mums) because we are all so busy and harassed. I don't care if guests turn up an hour late wearing football strips and leave the gift at home. Parents (mums) of little kids are under an inordinate amount of stress and I empathise fully with this, being one myself.

Crikey, there were about 50 boys invited to DS's birthday last year. I honestly don't have the time to send 50 personalised messages, so they would all get a cut and paste anyway, and while he said thank you to everyone on the day I am not going to make him write that many letters.

A really gushing group WhatsApp message seemed to satisfy everyone. That and the party itself.

I think people throwing kids' parties overestimate how grateful other parents feel to have attended. You're attending to honour the invitation and for your kid not to be left out, not to have a fantastic time. They are usually quite exhausting. So yes, I don't think the fact that the host has spent time and money on throwing the party that you've gone to cancels out them acknowledging your gift (of course, you thank the hosts afterwards, but most people still do that anyway).

I’m with you on this OP. We had a party for my daughter 3rd birthday and invited 15 of her friends from nursery (we actually invited more but 8 parents never bothered to RSVP).
After the party I text every parent and individually thanked them for the specific present they had given to my child. It’s the way I have been brought up by my parents and had assumed it was the norm. Been to a few other parties since and have never received a thank you….one child snatched the present out of my daughters hand when she gave it to them and did NOT say thank you face to face and we got no thank you after.
All I can say is that I’m mentally noting which kids/parents are polite and which are rude and will invite them accordingly in the future.

Well, my parents or my husband's parents, sometimes both. My brother. If we're lucky, one godparent. Is that weird? I don't think so.

So at each of your children's parties you might have: yourself, your husband, both sets of grandparents, your brother and a godparent? So 8 adults?

And you're wondering why other parents, who perhaps don't have the same village as you, don't send out individual thank you messages?

Please come back to me when you've hosted a birthday party single handedly.

I think it's part of a general decline in manners.

I don't know how this happened but my kids (now adults) were brought up to write thank you letters and now they send texts, so it's at least something.

I always thank friends who send me gifts, both by text and I send a nice thank you card.

It's the least anyone can do if someone's made an effort to buy a gift.

Lol, I now feel very virtuous because I send individual texts. All this time I've been feeling very guilty for not making my kids write individual thank cards. This thread has been most reassuring, thank you!

I used to get my children to write individual thank you notes. Their friends all did the same. (This was 15 or so years ago!)

We always say thank you on the day as we say goodbye to everyone. I would not necessarily expect a thank you beyond a verbal one. I think it’s implied and I understand parents are busy and do not need one more bloody admin task. But yes, we always say thank you for coming and for the present to people on the day.