To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

[comoatoupeira]

Hello
Sorry if this has been done to death, but does anyone else think that the childrens' birthday party and gift giving culture is completely bizarre in the UK?
What I mean is the way that people bring sometimes very large/expensive gifts, or really very thoughtful and nice gifts, like a book that has been chosen especially for the child, and yet nobody seems to expect an acknowledgment beyond 'thanks for all the lovely presents!' on the school WhatsApp group.
I know that everyone is really busy, and I know that this would always fall to the mum not the dad and we don't need any more small admin jobs related to our children, thank you, but it still feels wrong.

What feels wrong? It feels somehow grabby, or as though the effort gone into choosing the gift is just taken for granted (and the money).

I accept it's probably just something people have decided so as not to create too much work for themselves. But it bothers me. What do you think?

This is the kind of message I think would be good to receive: 'Hi! Just to say thanks so much for the gel pens, little Timmy loves them. See you on Monday'. The purpose being simply to acknowledge that a gift has been chosen and bought, nothing more!

But surely it is acknowledged- doesn’t everyone write a thank you note to the host of the party? Why are good manners not prioritised?

Tying yourself up in knots there

That's exactly what I do. While kids are opening presents I write down who gave what andvthrn send the parents a message to day thanks. With neighbours I ask kids to write a thank you card mostly because I don't have all their numbers but also because it's a small contained number. I don't think you can expect young kids to write 20+ thank you cards. And also because I'm super grateful to my neighbours for always remembering to get the kids something. When we had birthday parties at home we used to invite them but now that the parties are at soft play or similar venues I don't. Anyway sorry bit of a tangent but yes, I do thank every parent individually by text. Some of dd's classmates' parents do the same and some don't. I don't think it's a must or that important but I like to do it and I tell my kids I do because I want them to learn to appreciate other people.

Precisely.

I always make sure DS is super grateful when receiving each gift and says thank you. But as a dyslexic child I am not going to force him to sit down for two hours or more of torture writing out individual thank you cards.

I also don’t think me sending individual text messages to parents is remotely the same. Therefore I rely on his friends and their parents trusting his heartfelt appreciation at the time the gifts are given.

Thank you at the time and child should write a short thank you note for each gift. Shouldn’t take any longer than the invitations

Does anyone’s child genuinely write individual handwritten invitations to their birthday party?

Yanbu.

I always send thanks to each parent or get DC to write a note.

I don’t understand what you want to achieve. You would feel better with an individual thank you? You would feel better knowing an adult supervised the gift unwrapping, wrote everything down, then sent you a generic thank you note saying thanks for the book, Jimmy loved it (he didn’t, he thought it was shite but I’ll tell you that anyway …) Because….. why? What does it change?

You need to check they were thankful/ grateful/ liked it? What is the purpose of this task?

i don’t give gifts to be thanked. I certainly don’t require a busy parent to be writing down forced messages of thanks ffs.

The most common thing here is along the lines of:

Thanks ever so much for bringing Johnny to Josh’s party and also for the jigsaw which Josh was delighted with.

You're very welcome, I’m glad he liked his gift. Thank you for the invite, Johnny really enjoyed himself and he loved his party bag too. Thanks!

What a waste of time though 😂

Well, it takes a few seconds and is only a waste of time if you don’t value the interaction. Some will and some won’t.

No more of a waste of time than posting on mumsnet 🤣

I tried to do this recently but my younger DC ripped the cards off the presents so I had no way of knowing which present was from which attendee.

Genuinely my child does.

Who are all you people spending time and effort getting a birthday present for a 6 year old you barely know? Don't we all head to the middle aisle of Aldi and hope for the best?

YABU, we’ve always received a quick thank you or even a thank you card later. I always endeavour to do the same; regrettably I didn’t manage it two years ago as I was so flat out (and, as you say, it always falls to Mum) but other than on that occasion I’ve always done cards and/or texts.

How to say you have middle class privilege without actually saying you have middle class privilege...

I agree with you OP and it’s really not difficult to do! If your child isn’t opening the presents until they’re home anyway, it’s not hard to keep track of and jot down who gave what. I always do this and then involve DC in the thank yous as I think it’s important they learn to show gratitude for the effort people have made. But then I think this new culture of inviting the whole class is ridiculous anyway, so I would never be doing it for 30 presents at once!

The last party my DS went to we didn’t even get a generic thank you message and we had bought a nice present related to an interest that I know from speaking to the mum, the child is into. I found it quite rude and entitled to be honest- as you said OP, where are people’s manners?!

Of course we do. Anyone spending more than a tenner and 5 mins thought on a generic kids birthday is being silly.

As an aside….id just like to make a point. I used to volunteer with a children’s charity. I once asked if it would be worthwhile me buying some toys for kids birthdays. I was advised that actually one of the biggest issues they have is children not attending other children’s parties because they are so worried about not providing a present.

Message to those parents- MOST NORMAL PEOPLE DONT BUY EXPENSIVE GIFTS. MOST PARENTS DONT SIT DOWN AND ANALYSE WHATS BEEN RECEIVED AND SEND INDIVIDUAL LOVING NOTES! Please come to the party.

I have 3 children, held countless parties and lost my weekends to a ridiculous amount. I don’t remember having many personalised thank yous at all.

Yes, I do exactly this. Write a list of who gave what, and then send out texts gradually over next couple days.

Every party we have hosted and attended, we have received individual messages. Some are obviously mass sent 'thank you for coming and for Tommy's lovely present' and some are more specific, but whole class messages have never been a thing for either of my girls.

Exactly this.

I do a general thanks on social media, but will probably say thanks to parents at school pick up as I see them.
Thank you cards are so outdated these days.

Also my children say thank you when they're given the gift anyway!

My child has had 2 of these parties! One at 5 and one at 10! I didn't have the telephone number or were friends on social media with any of the kids parents except one who is my friend anyway! I just make sure he thanks the person giving him the present at source!

Why the needs for extra fawning. You/the child says thank you very much when handed the gift. Job done. Got no time for individual messages/cards.

As long as they said thank you at the time of receiving it there's no point messaging people individually to say thanks. I've never seen it as the done thing to buy large or very thoughtful gifts for my children's classmates. I've always tried to keep it between £5- £7 ( maybe slightly more if it's a best friend) or put a fiver in a card.