Since this thread has popped back up again, guess I should give an update.
Had an honest (well as much as felt reasonable) conversation with my friend a few weeks ago, as she was asking about if I had bought my flights etc… and wanting to confirm if I was coming to all the events, but my financial situation had drastically changed (currently without a job, and living off of my saving while having just bought a property) so we had an honest catch up, I told her I did want to see her get married but couldn’t afford to do all those things, that finances were tight for me right now and that I would try my best to come to the wedding part but I think anything beyond that was beyond my budget.
She was very good at commiserating and shared her own financial struggle over the last year with the wedding and other stuff, so I do feel she grasped my financial situation, though there was technically no suggestion I shouldn’t come if it was too tight financially (so I now don’t feel comfortable not going), we also talked about the distance and she explained that she’s been sheltering herself a lot from her friends the last year and half and barely see anyone nowadays, but she felt between guilt and fine about it (as in she needed that but was aware she hadn’t dealt with it the best way) we both agreed that it’s a bit what adult life is about where everything feels a bit chaotic and staying in touch becomes harder than we hoped or thought possible when younger. I am the same in many ways, and that’s why I am not that surprised that she considers me close still, even if we are not that close anymore. Plenty of people I love and feel close to but I am currently terrible at keeping in touch with due to them living in different places and my own life being chaos.
So the plan now is for me to go to just the wedding, it’s still a pain logistically because it’s far and it means £££ for very little time there (3-4 days flights days included), but I do get to see her get married which seems genuinely important to her and obviously is also important to me. In the end I have decided for the camping option as honestly anything else would be the equivalent of a one way ticket back to Europe price wise so one of her hiking friends will lend me a tent and camping gear (though honestly I do feel nervous about the whole camping alone in the wild thing, as there is active wildlife there and we will be in the middle of nowhere and so I guess even more likely to come across wildlife) so honestly more considering maybe sleeping in the car and hoping for the best.
is it my ideal wedding trip? Absolutely not and I honestly don’t think I would do it for anybody else (and I will now forever make sure I know exactly the details of a wedding before saying yes to anything), but it’s her perfect wedding day, so I want to try and beat my own apprehensions and show up for her, because I do think she would do it for me and because she did show up for me in many ways in the past.
In the end I am trying to take into account cultural differences etc… this will be the first wedding of a friend I attend, all the weddings I have ever been to, have been family and so part of my own culture. And in my culture (and at all the weddings I have been to), all you have to do is “show up and a bring a gift”, meal is covered and the bride and groom usually provide accommodation on the wedding venue grounds or nearby for a lot of the people who are coming from further away or might drink (so as to avoid drink driving). So it was a bit of a shock to my system to be invited to a wedding where most people are forced to rent a car as all coming from a place where most people don’t need to own a car, where the only affordable accommodation is sleeping in a tent, and where we have recently been told the meal will cost us £X/person (why it wasn’t communicated until now that we would have to pay for the meal is beyond me tbh and it’s not that it’s expensive, it’s just again something that wouldn’t happen in my culture).
I know I might have come across as a bit childish mentioning my birthday but for me it’s not so much about the cost or the birthday it’s about the fact that I am used to weddings where the bride and groom pay for the wedding they can afford and make sure their guests are included and only have to show up and celebrate them, here I felt the bride and groom wanted to get married and guests where an after thought (I know that’s not how they approach the people in their life so that it wasn’t the intent behind their actions), but it does feel a bit like they wanted to get married, wanted people to be there but don’t have a budget for the people they are inviting and didn’t account for how scarce and expensive accommodation is around their wedding venue nor the logistics to get there or the cost of food for everyone and it’s now a guest problem and a guest’s bill to pay. Which is what made me feel unwelcome/put off initially. But I realize now it’s probably just a cultural clash and not anything else.
I come from a very poor/working class background, but used to people who will feed you crisp and ham at their wedding and give you an inflatable mattress to sleep on, because that’s what they can afford, and they would rather have you there, and celebrate with you than do it in a way neither they nor you can afford (and I have very fond memories of all those weddings). So it’s strange for me the new tendency with weddings where people expect you to pay £££ to attend though understand if you might not make it and only 3 loved ones show up. I have never been married but the day I do I would want it to be with the people that saw me get there, the people I want to share my joy with. Yes Maldives as a background would look nice, and fancy food would taste great but if nobody that matter can afford to be there, then what’s the point? At least that’s how I see weddings but now getting around to the idea that many prefer it to be solely about what they picture in their head vs who shows up, or how they experience the wedding and that’s fine too. I just needed a minute to get over myself and my own experiences/cultural heritage.
So anyway, going and hoping it will be a fun two days celebrating my friend and connecting with nature.