My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

I couldn't believe it when he told me what his plans were after leaving work. I couldn't mask my anger because he could have come home.

The things he says to me and from what I've seen they baby him. Constantly telling him he needs rest because what he's doing is tiring as if I have it easy.

An hour is a usual commute in London. Having had twins with a 3 y at old, he's a lazy manipulative bastard. I'd leave him.

Well we are on the phone for hours most days and I can hear his grandparents in the background. But we're not talking for hours everyday so honestly I'm not sure.

He washes his clothes when he's at his grandparents so I'm not really washing any of his things unless it's something that he wore over the weekend.

Of course he’s staying with them, where he is baby and centre of attention. He’s meant to be the parent and he is in fact regressing while you pick up every inch of slack. Disgusting.

On top of everything else that really pisses me off. He sleeps like a rock needing to be asked to help out even when he's home.

Dear god. I had twins and no other children. It is so so tough when they're babies. I swear I didn't feel like a functional human being. My husband did as little work as possible for the first 6 months. He mostly WFH but no overtime, as few visits to the office as possible, and was generally at home and hands-on as much as he could be. Your husband is one of the biggest shits I think I've encountered on here, honestly. This is the time when you need him most, and he's 'too tired' to drive for an hour. Do you even get any sleep??? I'm absolutely flabbergasted and livid on your behalf.

its time to sort this out really isnt it. 90% of the people I know have at least an hours commute to work and they come home every night. Write down exactly what you want to say to him. then read it out or text it. he is being completely unreasonable and this arrangement needs to end this Friday and he needs to come back home every single night. if he chooses not to then he is out for good. Once you have told him this today, stop talking to him in the evening. tell him you are too tired and too busy. Make him realise that you mean this, that this is a crossroads and its make or break.

As far as I can see, not one person on this thread has said that his behaviour is OK or reasonable in any way. He is an utter disgrace and his grandparents are no better. The fact that he is chatting to you over the phone, telling you about his plans for socialising while you struggle with two newborns and a school age child just adds insult to injury. It's as though he enjoys rubbing it in your face.

Stop speaking to him and go and stay with your family as soon as you can.

I’d show up at the grandparents with camp beds and luggage. Tell than you can’t manage on your own anymore and you need to be with your husband for support. They’ll kick you all out after a few weeks.

I'd leave him. Arrange for him to have them every other weekend and get proper child maintenance. He's actually the laziest, useless dad I've read about on here.

OP this chap is taking the piss. He either leans in or you are moving back home and he can live with his grandparents permanently . What a pathetic man.

Great idea! OP, do it!

An hour is not a long commute. He is just avoiding all his responsibilities. I had an hour and 45 minutes commute, starting work at 7.15 for years. It has to stop.

Seeing as they like babying people, could you stay with them for a while and let them help with the babies?

He’s a total arsehole and is abnegating all responsibility. Stopping over at his grandparents? Is he a bloody teenager?
As a grandparent there’s no way I’d allow this. I’d say ‘Get home to your wife and children NOW!’

A mum I know, her husband kept staying away for work when she was really struggling with a new born. He really didn’t need to be staying away either. He’d book Air Bnb’s to stay in. So….she just kept turning up at them with her baby. She would stay with him and he’d have no choice but to support her in the evenings after work. Couple of months later he stopped it all and stayed at home every night.

What a selfish prick.

Ask him what he thinks he brings to your family other than money..

He doesn’t need a shorter commute, he needs a punch up the bracket.

Do not wait until Friday to give him this ultimatum. Give it to him tonight on the phone and if he doesn't get his sorry arse home tomorrow night, start packing ready for leaving on Friday.

Why are you letting him claim that getting a job closer to home is the solution rather than just...coming home each night?! You say he promises things will get better but that seems dependent upon getting another job? He has the power to make it better immediately. Use your very very strong words.

I really hope you're making this up, but I don't think you are. What a selfish arse. I feel so angry for you. How dare he! Aghhhhh. It's ultimatum time. Is there anyone who can talk some sense into him? He need to step up or fuck off for good.

7 hours plus one hour each way is a short working day for many! My dh leaves for work at 6.30am and drives for 1 1/2hrs each way - it's not that unusual. I used to do the same, often leaving at 7 and returning at 7. Normal.

Stop answering the phone to him. You're too busy to have to listen to his sightseeing chat and made up shit about looking for a closer job. His grandparents should be ashamed of themselves too. Encouraging this shit excuse for a dad.

Find your rage and let rip I reckon. You've put up with enough.

He’s already left you by stealth @ambeRe. Maybe just move.

You need to accept OP, your husband is a selfish lazy prick! 1 hour commute is totally normal for most people, it is definitely not a reason to stay away from his family all week, every week! Especially with new born twins!

He’s taking the piss.

Yesterday I left the house at 7.50am and arrived back at about 7.20pm. That’s a normal days work (my partner wfh). My commute is about 1hr 20.

Was I knackered, yes. Would I quite fancy living super close to work, not having to deal with kids and/ or housework and having my meals cooked for me, yes of course. Would I do it, not a chance.

I think you need to leave and give him the short sharp shock he needs.