My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

He's an hour away, hardly working at the other end of the country. No excuse not to drive home everyday. "Staying out" mon-fri isn't acceptable when he has a young family at home needing his support, and he's only an hour away, but refusing to come home. My husband works in the city, and we live in the countryside in a completely different district. Some days it takes him almost an hour to get to work and then home again, but the thought of not coming home just wouldn't enter his mind. This is not acceptable op, you already know that, and it's time to lay down your expectations going forward. He either gets a new job closer to home, you move as a family, or he cuts this nonsense and just drives back like every other person with a (really not that bad) commute does.

…and using a 1 HOUR commute as an excuse to stay away for the whole week is pathetic!! My dad did that for a while when I was young but he was working 3 hours away from us and my mum hadn’t just had twins!

Your DH is a lazy cunt. Tell him he has to come home and help or you’re done.

Bloody hell OP, he's properly taking the piss. My DH has a 2 hour each way commute. He still makes it home every night to take up the parenting reins.

An hour commute is normal! Sounds to me like he’s just checked out of family life. If you are able to move back home then give him one final ultimatum and if no joy then go back home.

I have tried my hardest I don't understand why he doesn't get it coming from me.

He completely understands @ambeRe - he just can't be bothered to do anything about it & prefers his easy life being looked after by grandparents. I wonder what they think of this behaviour.

Show him this thread & he might wake up!

Hand him all 3 kids when he gets home Friday, and leave. Tell him you’ll be back Monday morning ready for him to go to work.

he comes home every night from then on and looks for another job. End of.

My first question us why doesn't he want to be with his children?

My next point is LTB as soon as you can

Unforgiveable

I think by the time you are posting here there is nothing you can say that will change his behaviour. He knows exactly what he is doing and it's his choice to behave this way. Id be packing up the kids and heading to my family to get proper support. You don't need to decide to end your marriage straight away but being somewhere where you get support might give you perspective on what your next step is.

Sorry, but I think he is living with someone else during the week.

Fuck that, he works 7 hours/day. He could easily do an hour each way commute! At least a couple of nights a week anyway. That's crazy, I would definitely be putting your foot down with this. Is he looking for a job closer to home?

He's pissing me off, and I've never met him.

I'm 5 hours from home I broke down and called my parents. If he doesn't get it after the conversation I plan on having with him Friday. The kids and I will be packing up and leaving. I can't do this anymore.

Your husband has abandoned you and the kids and is only seeing them on weekends.

Time to make it official.

Can you move to your parents or one of them move in with you for help? You do need to tell family and friends that he's abandoned you Monday through Friday with no help at all. Why protect this waste of oxygen from some well deserved fallout for what he's done?

That's absolutely ridiculous. I live on the outskirts of London. The vast majority of people here have at least an hour's commute. None of them would dream of staying away overnight.

He's either having an affair or he's just a lazy, selfish twat.

As soon as he gets home on Friday night, leave for a hotel for the weekend on your own - if you can look after all the DC alone for 5 days, he can manage it for 2.

And use the time in the hotel to make plans to leave him for good!

@ambeRe why are you waiting until Friday to have this conversation. You need to have it today and he needs to start coming home after work immediately.

I'm sorry your husband seems to have checked out of being a husband a father. Having three little ones 24/7 without any support from his our partner is not what you signed up for. My gut feeling is to go out for a few hours of r & r this weekend and leave him with all three children to let him experience your life. If he still doesn't step up, I think you know he really couldn't care less about you!

@ambeRe what a selfish lazy prick!!! it is only an hour away! absolutely nothing to stop him driving there and back every day, especially considering that he only works 7 hours a day. even adding on one hour for lunch. that is still only 10 hours. twin infants must be a nightmare! ultimatum time, I think! surely his grandmother must realise how difficult it is for you with twin babies and another to run back and forward to school every day? she should be telling him to get home to his family, but is instead choosing to be selfish and have her grandson for company!

I’m so pleased you called your parents. We all think you’re an absolute Queen and have so much respect for you.

We don’t live in a world where it’s safe to do this, but I bet 100% of people on this post would absolutely move stuff around and push through tiredness to come round and help you for a bit - and we’re internet strangers.

Help? Help? He's not even present.

Why are posters saying help when a child has 2 parents. The babies are only a month old. Both parents should be parenting.

I’m glad you’ve told your parents what is going on @ambeRe . Could one or both of them come down to help you out for the next few days? Even if your H was home every night I think you could do with help and company coping with newborn twins - if you have a good relationship with your parents having some help during the day would make a big difference. They could look after all the children whilst you read the riot act to H this weekend.

I wouldn't be able to forgive him. As a pp said he's a selfish disgrace.

An hour commute, to work and an hour home again in the evening, doesn't equate to the need to stay away Monday-Friday. If he was travelling 4 hours each way, then absolutely, I would understand but not an hour each way! That's taking the piss. I'm not surprised you are exhausted, having 1 newborn is exhausting, but 2 is even more so, plus an older child too. An hour commute is nothing in this day and age. You need a serious conversation with your husband when he returns on Friday. He needs to be coming home every single night, to help you, not staying away socialising. He's been extremely selfish.

So he has a 7 hour work day with a one hour commute each way? What a dick! There's no way that's "exhausting" and too dangerous to drive home.

Unless it's 7 hours of heavy duty manual physical labour he's got no excuse to not be coming home (I've seen it's an office job he has so this doesn't wash at all).

I leave my house at 8 am and regularly don't get home until 8pm so I've done a 3 hour longer day than he would if he was commuting from home.

He's clearly being ridiculous.

I'd show him this post and all the responses. He should be embarrassed of himself.

My office is an hour away, I leave at 7am just in case there's lots of traffic, but I'm mostly there by about 8am.

Do I like the commute? No, not really. If staying over was an option, would I do it? No of course not, I actually LIKE my family!

What an absolute shitheel. Do whatever you need to do to make your life easier - he is.

@ambeRe I have twins too, although mine are 16 so a whole 'nother set of issues! It will get easier I promise. Don't not eat and not shower and all the rest of it, stick em in front of the tv for 10 mins while you make lunch, let them cry in their cots for 10 mins while you go to the loo - your mental health and wellbeing is just as important, especially when the other parent is clearly not picking up any of the load!