My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

On the upside, you do get an award for distilling the whole of Mumsnet into one thread title.

Leave. He isn't listening you need to talk with your feet. Sounds like he cba with the kids a wife whose tired and stressed and wants to enjoy life again without it all. He sounds likes he's met someone who doesn't have a young family. Go to your parents and rest up. He can enjoy the alt weekends giving you more of a break

Tbh if you do move it will make him reflect and then hopefully he will actively listen and change his ways to keep his wife and kids. But ultimately you need to follow through on what your saying if he does indeed plan on staying away again all week if he comes home that's him trying but if he packs up for the week then you pack

Wow op. This is so bloody selfish of him! An hours commute to an office job is pretty normal?? Wtf

good for you moving out. I hope you live a happy peaceful life

@ambeRe just wondering how his friends are reacting to him

Would any of them be able to get through him and point his absolutely appalling, disgusting behaviour?

An hour away is nothing. My husband worked over an hour away for 5 years and came home every night. This is ridiculous, just sounds like he can't be bothered with the responsibilities he has at home.

While my husband had less than an hour commute, he worked 12+ hour shifts as a LEO when our children were small. He would still help with our children & household. Our children are now teens, but there are days I wonder how either of us survived the sleep deprivation. Your husband is NOT being a partner! You deserve so much more. While I have no insight to why he’s different with the twins, I do know to my very soul it is not you!

I hope you get the love and support you need right now at your parents.

You've been pretty incredible to do everything with twins and another young one when your husband is MIA five days a week. Good luck.

You’re already on your own. 😪

I’d be willing to bet that your parents are not actually upset 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 you, as a parent I know would be upset with the c*nt you married & upset I didn’t know sooner. It might be coming out as towards you but its most likely for you.

I am lost for words! I can't believe the selfishness of this. If he can't understand why you are angry and agree to step up to his responsibilities with the children, then I would seriously question whether I would want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Wow, I have a hour each way commute in a big city and that's deemed reasonable. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

I commute an hour to work. It's a long day but it's not that bad. Tell him to make himself a good play list to distract and keep him awake put the window down and get his butt home each day. Says he's too tired but not too tired to socialise and sight see after work as you mentioned. It does just seem like an excuse to not have to deal with house/family/children during the week. I'd put your foot down as at the moment he's a weekend dad but where is your break? I'd seriously consider if your happy in the relationship as at the moment it doesn't sound like breaking up would do anything other than give you some freedom at the weekend when he will have his time with the kids.

His behaviour is completely unreasonable. My commute was 3 hours per day. Occasionally I would stay over if I had a late night and starting early but he is abdicating his responsibilities as a parent completely aided and abetting by his family. It's ultimatum time. What do you want him to do and what will you do if he doesn't?

From the sounds of this sadly and unfortunately your husband will not change. He in his head he doesn’t have a good enough reason. You and your children deserve so much more than someone who can’t make time to drive an hour home to his family. My mother went through this with my father when my brother and I were younger, she had to divorce him to get him see he was standing in his own steaming pile of shit. I remember seeing her cry almost daily so that affected his relationships with us. I’m now 30 and haven’t spoken to my father now going on a decade. Going through that is rough, I wish you and your babies the best of luck.

Any update OP? @ambeRe

God, that is so sad. He’s willing to lose his wife and 3 children so he can be babied at his grandparents’. What on earth is he thinking?
please take care of yourself.

Taking care of twins is intense at the best of times. I hope everything is better now, with the help from your Mum and Dad. I've been thinking about you and how you're doing. Such insane behaviour from your H.💞