My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

This prick of a man has checked out op.

Go home and let your family support you.

Please op don’t put up with this any longer. I am disgusted with both your DH and his grandparents for enabling this shit. I have told my DH and he can’t believe any man who loved his wife and kids could do this to them. I don’t often say this but I would leave go to your parents and send him the responses on this thread.

I spoke with my husband and I think I'm done. I told him we would be leaving on Monday. My dad will be coming to help us move. I will have so much more help and support being back near family. He was upset about it but I no longer care how he feels.

You’re doing the right thing. He hasn’t cared about you being upset all this time.

Well done OP. He's checked out of family life.

OP I can only imagine how exhausted you are. I'm so sorry you are going through this. As everyone else has already said, your husband is being completely selfish and his excuse of a 1 hour commute is complete rubbish. My husband worked in London for years and had a hour's journey either way & at one point continued working till 10 p.m. at home. He has always came back home unless he was away on work trips, so your husband's excuse is absymal. And socialising with his friends instead of being home with you and the children beggers belief.

I also don't understand why his grand parents are supporting this. What does your husband's mom and dad make of this behaviour?? Surely if this was known in the family he would be named and shamed. I think if it were me I would have said something to his and my own family before now. His friends should be saying something instead of enabling him! Its completely disgusting.

I think you are doing the right thing to go back to be near your family so you can have some support. I don't know if this is something that can be worked out between you, but I do think you are right to go home because you need any and all the help that you can get. Once you are getting back up from your friends and family (and I hope some sleep) you can make a rational decision about what you want to do. Your family must be livid with him too, and I would make sure everyone in his family and his friends know what he's done.

Why he is doing this - well I agree with alot of the other comments on here, but I too would be wondering if he is having an affair or met someone at his new job? I'm sorry to say it but that would be my thought.

Stay strong. You will get through this, even if its without the waste of space that is your husband.

His parents are no better than his grandparents. Especially his mother she does everything but wash his dirty laundry. We're not that close because I don't baby him. My parents are very upset and with me for allowing this to go on for so long. I understand I should have said something sooner. I wanted this to work but after being alone for so long I think I'm better off by myself.

He's taking the piss. 1hr commute is normal. Do I think if occasionally he'd said that he needed to stay late or be in a 7am so he was at his grandparents that night it would be terrible - of course not.

But he's doing it every night, too tired to drive home but woke enough to go sightseeing? Or drinking?

You're living like a single mam it's ridiculous. I'd be telling him he has to commute and stay out by exception

Jeez, I have so much rage for you reading this.

I commuted five times a week, over an hour a day for over 15 years!!! I never once even thought about staying over!

The asshole has just used it as an excuse to check out of looking after his family and go be mollycoddled and waited on hand and foot by his grandparents.

Seething for you.

What an arsehole. There’s absolutely no need for an overnight with an hour commute each way. My DH did almost double that and come home and pick kids up from childcare, feed them etc before I got home. I’d do the morning drop off etc. He is taking the piss. He needs to either get another job and leave this one immediately or accept the commute while looking for another job. I do think the commute is totally fine long term though. It’s nothing.

Unless he was straight in the car to come home to you, then you have your answer.

Go where you get your support - while hard to walk away, it won't be any harder than trying to keep going alone.

@ambeRe even if he did turn up all sorry would you really feel the same about him now ?
He ditched you with two new borns and his other kids who are use to him being around.
Haven't you lost respect for this selfish man .

I think the best thing you can do is leave and go to your family get yourself settled there with support around you .
Then maybe in the future If he proves himself but it wouldn’t be me .

Well done! You deserve so much better than this sorry excuse for a man.
He’s just another child that wants to be pampered so let his grandparents keep him.

Well done!! X

Don't be hard on yourself op. You've been managing with so much, it's overwhelming all the physical work let alone the me talk loads on your own.
Then to try and think about your relationship and all of that, it's completely understandable!

The important thing is you've said something now and your parents will be able to support you.

You poor love. I am so glad your family are there to help you. Hopefully
tou can get a little respite to feel a bit more normal soon and deal with the aftermath of leaving. It will hit him when you’ve gone but that’s too late isn’t it!

I’m so glad your Dad is coming to pick you up. You’ll get the support you need with your family. If he can’t step up now and promise dramatic changes you’ve made the absolute right decision to leave and never look back.

Even if he did step up though if I were you I would not be able to look at him in the same way again. If it takes a threat to your marriage to make him pull himself together then that’s not good enough. The effect it was having on you should have been enough.

if you do spilt up up don’t allow him to get away with not having the kids all together. He is prob worried about that. I wonder if grandparents will be as accommodating with 3 kids in tow

OP, it’s shit now but you will not regret this decision.

I’m 10 years further down the line and should probably have left when they were toddlers, but here I am spending another night at after schools while he’s goes out to recover from his exhausting week. They don’t check back in again and you only resent them more.

You’ll get through this (maybe tell your parents to pipe down with the blame!!) xx

What a spineless bastard he is.
Well done on making the decision that's best for you and your DC

Did he actually say anything when you said loads of people commute over 2 hours a day?

I hope you show him this thread and he feels ashamed of himself

He is utter scum.
Well done for moving home.
Twins are relentless.

This is so weird though, does he have some kind of MH issue after the twins came? It makes no sense to go from being hands on to deliberately moving out of the family home for no reason and actually allowing you all to leave rather than drive a couple of hours a day?? It's so idiotic as to suggest he's not right in the head.

What a selfish fuck. Hugs.

You have to do what’s best for your sanity. Fuck him.

You have made the right decision. My DH was away mon-fri when I had DD1, and still later a newborn and a 19mth old. His commute and hours were longer though, But I only had one newborn at a time and honestly I was thinking again today how that period of our lives gave me PTSD ... it changed me and my.personality for the worse. I put my foot down at baby #3 and he moved back but the damage was done. I will never be the carefree positive person I was.

You have done the right thing, you will have more support and your mental and physical health will be helped and you will be better able to care for your children. Twins is no joke. You need to look after yourself so you can in turn look after them. Best of luck. Xx

Fuck me! What an absolute wanker of a husband you have! I used to commute an hour and a half to 2 hours each way as a single parent! Your husband is a useless waste of space and to be honest you would probably be better off without him! He needs to change his regime immediately as you are running yourself into the ground!