My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

Yeah this, i have loads of colleagues and friends in London who commute over an hour each way, my York office has people who commute an hour so it's not an unusual commute time

Fucking hell OP. I thought id heard it all on here. This is one of the shittiest husbands ive ever heard about. Taking a minute to add my "LTB!" to the throngs. Id go further tbh. Id want revenge.

This is ridiculous. I had a 3-4 hour round trip commute around the M25. Did it for years. It never crossed my mind to just not go home to my DH and kids. An hour is nothing. However, I fear by allowing this behaviour, he is now going to use the commute against you and claim exhaustion at the end of each day. You need to act fast.

My husband worked away a fair bit at various client sites when I had our first. When the commute was more than 1.5 hours we agreed he’d only commute 1 way. So for example on the Monday he’d commute in the morning and stay over, then on Tuesday morning there’d be no commute and he’d come home. Wednesday he’d commute in morning, then stay over etc. otherwise hed get no work done and have to work at weekend.

The weird bit for me is the lack of discussion over it- it seems like it’s already a done deal in his head?

Husband works 7.30-6pm with an hour motorway commute each way. Then does football training duty once a week and dance duty once to twice a week for daughter. Plus half the nights he will help cook dinner. You need to address your DH. He’s hiding from responsibilities and it’s outrageous. I’d leave and go to family if I were you before you collapse 😕❤️

Tell him to grow up. When we head to our offices our commutes are 2 hours each way. Sometimes in five days a week.
We rarely stay away, unless either of us need a break (we all do now and then).
my wife uses the train and I drive, yes tired, but that’s the joy of choosing the work we’re in.

Oh Wow! What a selfish arsehole.
I am so sorry for you, @ambeRe
Are his grandparents aware he is abandoning his 3 DC throughout the week? It is so shocking that they are enabling this despicable behaviour!

I really feel for you. I had a very supportive husband and twins. I was lucky if I ate til he came home, never stopped as they rarely slept at the same time. There was no 6 year old with different needs either. You need help fast. Go back to your parents. He needs to change his ways immediately. Can family come to stay?

Don’t let him pedal the idea that he needs a job closer to home to sleep at home. He doesn’t. He doesn’t need a new job. That’s just an excuse

I find it very hard to believe a grown man is 'too tired' to drive 1 hr after work. Do you really believe he's sitting in with his grandparents after work every evening or is he out socialising and cheating?! Id be phoning his grandparents or turning up there some evening to see what's really going on!

I’m surprised you have lasted this long omg what a cheeky cunt 1hr is not that far I used to do longer at 8 months and study twice a week. he’s having his cake and eating it. I would be definitely moving away or leaving him every weekend alone let him have a taste of his own medicine this marriage is doomed he’s acting like a single man at his gp they are bloody awful for allowing him they should be sending him home telling him to grow up I hope you get sorted soon but do not back down if you split he would have to have the 3 kids a lot more. Make him choose his family or his single life with gp bloody mental that he thinks this is acceptable.

An hour is a perfectly normal commute!

I can't fathom how he can be happy to be away from his children like this!!

When my 3 kids were little, DH worked shifts as a police officer (so 12 hour shifts) and he had a 3 hour commute each way (train and car) due to him being reposted to a different station.

But his normal posting is a 1.5hr commute and he is home every day!!

Honestly, sounds like he realised looking after kids is not his life plan when he can be waited on hand and foot at grandparents.

He clearly doesn't respect you very much or care for his children or wife.

1 hour commute is hardly out of the norm. I would say that it’s not the commute that’s the problem. He’s avoiding having to parent and not thinking of his families needs. A serious conversation is needed and if it doesn’t change then moving closer to your support system would be good.

Wow this is dreadful. 1hr commute is nothing! Either he’s home every night and actively helping with everything including night feeds or he’s getting divorced.

Wow wow wow I would go absolutely nuclear on him . I work in a city and live out the city and if traffic is good it takes me 1hr in the car each way and if back 1.5hr and I consider that NORMAL daily commune for most people. I’m horrified he is showing you so little care , you need to tell him next week he is home each night and helping with x z y or you’re away. What an absolute waste of space this man is, I’m outraged !!

Currently sending you all the love and thoughts in the world right now

Please know your worth and please go and visit family and get some sleep or see if someone can come and stay with you for a couple of days because you’ll burn out

To put it in perspective, my DH left for work at 1230, does a 45 minute commute and does a 12 hour shift driving and then will have to drive 45 minutes home. This morning he’s got up, helped get the kids ready for school, done school drop off, attended a baby class with my youngest two, helped catch up on housework and made our tea so I just need to reheat it because I have a 4 month old who come 4pm doesn’t like being put down and will make herself sick crying. He’s not due to get home until 130 and he’s said if she’s not woke up for a feed he’ll wake her up and feed her. He’ll then get up at 730 to see the older ones and do it all over again. And he does this 5/6 days a week. He wants to see the kids as much as he can when he’s working and won’t be told about me doing the feeds and school runs while I’m off (although I’m not well at the minute so I think he’s doing that bit more than he would normally)

You are so worth the help and you need it. You are doing amazingly but you shouldn’t be doing it all on your own. Please don’t let yourself burn out

Beyond a joke. It’s so ridiculous for the first time I have to say LTB. Good luck and congratulations on your precious babies

Just, what the fuck?!

Every time he phones just answer with "are you on your way home? No? Well I'm busy." And hang up. Don't apologise. Every. Single. Time.

I used to finish at 5 and an hour's train leaving at 5:25 meant I was home (in the door) at 6:45. Ever night. Leaving the house at 7. He needs to get a grip!

Your own worse enemy he doesn’t know what’s involved. You need at least one day or 2x half days at weekend and give him full responsibility.

I am sorry OP but having an hour commute is nothing, it is literally the least any of my friends and coworkers have. He simply does not want to deal with the responsibilities. He has an amazing, easy life and you are struggling. You have to stop this right now, and do not ask him but tell him, or else you and the kids will go back to be closer to your family.

Ultimatum and deadline needed now! Bloody hell, my school run 2 x day takes longer than his commute. Newborns and a school aged child alone 😓 Complete lack of awareness or aware but he doesn’t care?
My major concern would be his lack of interest. Wild horses wouldn’t have kept my DH away from missing those first few weeks.
I would tell him one night away at his gps maximum, or fuck off.

I feel that an hour commute is basically nothing. I usually take about 45 mins door
to door but sometimes if there’s traffic it can be an hour and half. No fucking way would I need to stay near my office. I’m in London so an hour is standard. But have lived in other parts of the country and most people have to travel to work and an hour would not be considered an unreasonable distance.

Get a job near your grandparents and leave the school runs to your DH?

my dh works 12 hour shhift work- ommutes hour an a half each way-your h is a bastard