My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

Jesus what a cunt.

I used to work combos of mixed day and night shifts that were 13 hours long in an utterly mentally and physically demanding job and I had three kids. I had a 90 minute mixed transport commute, drove to a zone 6 station fucked about trying to find a parking space for ages then got a train into London, followed by a walk into work walk (then in reverse to get home obviously).

I was often exhausted but I never considered just staying away and not coming home, not just because i wanted to see the kids but because i wanted TO SEE MY PARTNER.

putting aside how terrible it is that he thinks leaving you for a full week parenting three kids (including small twins) is absolutely ok, he doesn’t give a shit about spending any time with YOU the person he’s supposed to love, the person he chose to make a family with.

This is horrible. He doesn’t care about about the impact on you of doing all the work at home, or how lonely and isolated this situation makes you and he doesn’t even feel like he wants to do a perfectly normal 1 hour commute to spend his evenings with you.

When our babies were small, my (now ex) husband worked 1.5 hours from home. there was never a question of him not coming home. He wanted the promotion so he was willing to travel. An hour is not an unreasonable commute. Not ideal, but more than doable. I only work about 15 miles from home and can take me 45 minutes in the mornings with traffic. He is being unreasonable.

Sorry, I don't want to worry you even more, but it's likely that he has someone on the side. If he was very hands-on with your first, there is absolutely no way he would be avoiding his children this time especially when they and you need him most. I think he's checked out. Tell everybody what's going on, don't keep it a secret. He should absolutely feel the pressure.

Why are his parents/ grandparents enabling this nonsense? Go pack up and move home. He won't realise til Saturday

He's constantly telling me he's looking for work closer to home. I get that it's a process it's starting to feel like he's telling me that to shut me up. I bring this up to him every week and it feels like nothing will change any time soon.

He can't come home because work is 1 HOUR away????

Pack up and go back to your parents. He's taking the absolute piss!!
How do his grandparents feel about him abandoning his family?

Nah my husband has an hour and half drive to work a 10 hour shift then drives home. This is not on. I don't blame you for being pissed off.

My goodness op, you have the patience of a saint! I'm so glad you're putting an end to this one way or another.

As a pp mentioned please don't wait til Friday, he needs to hear it now and be home tonight. He's left you on your own with newborn twins as well as your 6 year old. For a month whilst he's being spoilt by his grandparents because he has a 7 hour day sat in an office.

Honestly, I'm absolutely fuming on your behalf. He doesn't deserve you, you've already proven how amazing you are, please go home and get the support you deserve. What he's done is unforgivable and I know saying LTB is such an easy thing to say when it's not your life but he is just a despicable piece of shit.

Take care of yourself, your babies need you and you can't take care of them running on empty. Take the support.

I'm sorry but the being too tired to drive an hour home sounds an absolute lie to me. There's surely something else going on. I wouldn't be messing around with going out on a Saturday morning etc. He's checked out of your marriage. You're better making a plan. Wishing you all the best.

The issue is that a 7 hour working day and then a one hour drive home is completely normal and doable. It would be easier if his work was more local, but his current situation doesn't mean that he lives too far away to travel home each night. It's obviously an excuse to either get out of doing any parenting and/or to start leading the single life again.

Every week he just says" daddy has to go to work I will see you in a few days be good for mommy". I'm so tired of hearing that shit

Never 😡

It's not about the commute. He doesn't want to find a job closer beyhe wouldn't have an excuse then.

Nothing will change soon if you wait for him.

I know you're exhausted and overwhelmed, you deserve so much more.l, but it's now up to you to make the changes.

And leaving you on your own when you were ill us disgusting.

Don't wait till Friday, he's had plenty of warnings every time you've told him you need him back home.

I am so furious for you @ambeRe

What a complete and utter dickhead.

Tired!! 1hr commute FFS!! He should be home every night and taking over from you the moment he walks in.

What sort of 'office job' does he have that is so important and taxing to be away from his family THE WHOLE WEEK when he is only an hour away? Is he a spy? Do thousands of lives depend on him being alert?

AND YOU HAVE NEWBORN TWINS!!!!

He is a bastard. I would not wait until Friday. I would just pack up and go to your parents. Your living situation is not sustainable.

Honestly, he's a cunt (and I hate using that word).

I’m so sorry. If this has proven anything, it’s that you can be a single mum with ease. Because you already are. In fact, you’ll be better off. Him taking the kids on weekends, or even EOW, will give you more of a break and much more support than you’re getting now.

Beyond a joke this. Too tired to drive for an hour but can go on a hike?? Time to stop all the kindness and understanding, he’s left you in the trenches alone while he has peaceful relaxing evenings. The offence itself is very nearly unforgivable. The fact he isn’t willing to accept it’s an offence is definitely unforgivable. Selfish man baby. I also present you with my first ever LTB.

Don’t ever be ashamed of what he’s doing. He should be ashamed. Tell anyone you like why you’re struggling and how alone you’ve been left since giving birth to your twins. He deserves the whole world coming down on him about this.

An hour commute? He’s a pathetic little cunt isn’t he!? He might have a point if it was 3 hours each way.

I used to work 12 hours shifts with a 1 hour commute. I would not have dreamed of not going home unless weather made the roads completely impassible.

I agree with some of the previous posters who suspect he's seeing someone where he is. This is more than checking out, he's abandoned you with infant twins along with your older child. Are his grandparents really enabling this by having him stay 5 days a week while knowing he is abandoning his family? I sure wouldn't be ok with that.

An hour commute is nothing.
The distance isn't the problem.
He doesn't want to come home.

He needs a slap. My husband works 12 hours shifts home at 5.30pm to help with dinner and parent

So, let me get this straight, he works for 7 hours a day with a 1 hour commute either side. So he could (in theory) leave at 8am, get to work for 9am, work until 5pm (8 hours with a 1 hour break) and be home for 6pm.

So, basically the same as the majority of the population who work in offices???

But he needs to stay with his grandparents because he can't handle what is a (completely normal) commute and get home to look after his 3 young children?!?!

What an absolute fucking bellend.

Stop telling him you are tired and actually show him with your actions that this is unsustainable. You are at breaking point and you have 3 little ones reliant on you and your sanity.

Well done for sharing this with your parents. Now is the time to take some drastic action. You will feel so much more empowered even if it means that you will go it alone.

Tell everyone you know about your situation IRL you should not be embarrassed -he should be embarrassed and the shame is on him. What kind of father even does that! Everyone will be horrified for you that he has acted in this way.

Same here and we don't even have kids!!!!

You move, and say I might come back if you’ve demonstrated we are a priority, but I’m not hanging around waiting while you say oh I can’t drive an hour oh I haven’t found any jobs. The first is a lie so I don’t know if the second is too.

I'm guessing they think what he is doing is ok. His grandparents actually baby him so it's no point in talking to them.

Absolutely the only thing he does while he's away is wash his clothes. Everything else they do for him.