My husband is pissing me off!!

[ambeRe]

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

Agreed @MotherTuckinGenius or maybe she's up because she has newborn twins and one or both are not sleeping @KittyMittyDooDah 🤬

What an arsehole/man baby - how dare he :( newborn twins and he can’t man up enough to do the 1 hour commute. With 3 kids at home ? How does he explain that to the 6 years old ? What a bad role model he is..so sorry op, you deserve so much more

When do you ever catch a break :(

An hour commute is nothing! It used ti take me an hour and a half on trains at one point to get ti one of my jobs. And I’d be working 10 hours.

Could he be cheating? It sounds to me like he doesn’t want to be in the marriage and is making it hard for you so you initiate it.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Sadly have to agree with this. And please stop saying 'it's a long way, and you don't mind him staying away some of the time'. It's really not. I commute an hour each way, 5 days a week. and until last year was commuting 4 hours round trip part of the week to a different job. He should be desperate to come home every day, see his babies, relieve you for a bit and spend time with his family.

Give an ultimatum, and for God's sake don't accept him staying away part of the week, it will creep back up again.

He is taking the utter piss.

How are his parents not telling him to go home?! I guess it's clear why he's so selfish and entitled if his parents treat him like a kid.

@KittyMittyDooDah

You could have the grace to come back and apologise. That was nasty.

I had twins many years ago and it is relentless. His behaviour is bizarre. Do his grandparents and work colleagues not tell him how crazy it is that he is doing anything outside of rushing home to help care for two newborns? Surely he misses the 6 year old.

@BungledUp I was you. I get it. I accepted I was stuck and was philosophical about it. Left when the DC were adults. I am very happy now. They all still live with me and I have no regrets.

What??? The freaking audacity!!!

you’re sick with three kids at home and instead of running to your side he suggests what medicine you take? Where’s the empathy with him? You’re post partum and struggling with three and he not only doesn’t acknowledge it but also doesn’t care.

You sound like an amazing mum. I’m so shocked to read this. How dare he! It’s like he’s another child for you to manage. This weekend you should go away all weekend and leave him to have the kids if you feel it’s safe to. What a dick!

@ambeRe 💐I really feel for you. Your husband is an absolute disgrace and I would be furious at his grandparents too! Although, are they treating him like a little lord and mopping his brow after a hard day of 9 to 5 in the office?

Seriously? He should be ashamed of himself. What an utter utter tool. His behaviour is abject. I am so sorry he is being so hopeless.

Wow. I have people in my team who commute 1.5hrs each way. He is taking the P. Maybe stay over once, mid week, but he is too tired to drive home, when you’re the one doing all the hard work. He is going off sightseeing? He should be home with his kids. I wouldn’t be sitting on a call with him for hours either, he could spend that time driving home. I’d be furious that he even think this is acceptable.

Surely his grandparents realise he should be at home with newborns?!

Surely the answer here is he's moved out? He's left you & his kids

No one thinks that a 7hr office job & 1 hr commmute is a reasonable justification for staying away all week. That's just preposterous. If he isn't stupid, he can't believe that's ok.

So that leaves you with the conclusion he KNOWS it's wrong, but something has driven him to it anyway.

He doesn't want to be at home with you & the babies. I know that's hard to hear, but better to face reality and plan your life now in the knowledge of what's he's like.

How certain are you he's with grandparents? That doesn't ring true either - they should be sending g him home if your version of events is true. I suspect he's told them something else.

What happens on a weekend? Does he bring you all his washing etc?

I think you need to gather your support network & prepare for life as a single mum.

Wtf did I just read? I can’t believe men like this exist. Something is very off tho, @HuskyNew is right, are you sure he is with grandparents?
Does he not miss his children? My blood is boiling for you!

I work for 7 hours and have a 30 minute bus ride plus 20 minute walk. It's completely normal isn't it? In fact I think it's a relatively short working day!

He is absolutely taking the piss and just trying to avoid looking after 3 children. I bet he sleeps really well too, not having babies to look after at night.

Gosh I feel for you OP. I had newborn twins a six year old and a four year old and my self employed husband (working in the construction industry) was working 7 days a week.
However he did live/sleep at home and paid for a Mothers help 3 days a week until he was working more normally, which was when the twins were about 6 months old.
We also arranged help with a student nanny from a local college, doing a childcare course. The extra help was invaluable to me, and he was home in the evening and although physically tired did step up.
Your DH'S behaviour is shocking, show him this thread, or can you enlist a family member or friend to have a word with him.
My DC's are adults now their father today is doing a 2 hour driving commute to do a physically demanding job.
Something is seriously amiss here, and he needs to be confronted about his unacceptable behaviour.

First Post nailed it! 1hr commute is a joke!! He needs to go home and parent!

The reason he doesn't seem to understand or listen to you is because he doesn't care. He doesn't want to face his responsibilities and have to change his new bachelor lifestyle. If he keeps minimising it all and fobbing you off with lies then he thinks he can carry on. He knows damn well what your trying to tell him. He just doesn't give a toss.
But what I don't understand is why your not telling anyone?? It's his utterly disgusting behaviour, not yours. This will be having a deeply negative effect on your eldest...I can't imagine how they must be feeling. Thry just lost a dad and a mum to two newborns! Where is your energy for all 3 of them? Without any support, you can't possibly be able to give all you need to the twins never mind, the twins And your eldest. You need to start talking and shouting to everyone around you for help.

Not coming home for a hour commute is ridiculous, my dh commute is 60-90 minutes and he manages.

He's barely involved what's the point of him?

A commute of an hour is nothing! I used to do it in various jobs, it was just standard. He needs to be told to get home every night, tough shit he’s tired, what a wuss!

I commute every day from London Zone 6 to Zone 1, travelling 1h minimum, sometimes depending on where work is it's 2hrs. I used to drive to work in a previous job, during term time, 90 minutes, school holidays 20 mins, but I went home I didn't stay over with family who lived closer.

Maybe it's time for you to have a Saturday off and go see family so that your husband has to do child care, then remind him it's what you do everyday and to get his butt back home, otherwise you will have to move back to where you can have proper support.

This is horrendous op, what a selfish man
As soon as he comes home on Friday night you need to leave for the weekend. Go back home, stay with your parents, friends, hotel and just do it every weekend until he realises how hard it is with 3 kids
I'm sure he'll be whinging after the first couple of hours
An hours commute is nothing, most people do this or more and go home on a daily basis. He just doesn't want to be involved in family life!