Found out fiancé is married to someone else

[limewonder]

Hi
I found out my DP of 4 years is married
The way I found out is his ex (not his wife, the one after her but before me) messaged me on facebook and told me as she’d seen our engagement post.

I’ve met his wife loads as they share kids (age 12&14 together). They split 9 years ago but apparently never sorted the divorce out.

Not sure what to make of this, i don’t know why he kept this from me. His excuse is that he forgot.? AIBU to demand he get a divorce or we’re over? I’m not even sure what his plan was here, marry me while still married to his ex?

Is bigamy not illegal?????? 😱

Yes bigamy is illegal but it is only bigamy if he marries OP without divorcing his wife. You can get engaged to as many women as you want.

Dear God. You don't just forget you married someone. I've been divorced from exH for about 20 years but it's still a chapter of my life

Do you own property of your own or does your parent/s?.
Many years ago a friend met a man who was going through a divorce he was older than her.
It turned out he planned to wed my friend wait a year or two then leave her claim half of her apartment money in bank etc and return to the ex so they could buy another house one to live in one to rent.
You must be very cautious of men with broken relationships.
Maybe could be the reason she hadnt told you they were still wed after some of your money.

Would knowing the marriage was still ongoing have deterred you from starting the relationship in the first place ?
maybe he was so overwhelmed by his feelings about
you that he didn’t want to risk an early break up if he confessed his marital status keeping quiet was the easy way to cement the relationship with you and the longer the deception continues the more easily it is justified (to the perpetrator)
there are no immediate consequences
you did you find out what his justification is ( did he think he could ignore it and it would go away) was he too lazy to take care of it before “moving on “i
is he deceitful in other areas ?
you have to decide if this is a red flag -and will it cause an irresolvable resentment if you continue with the relationship can you trust this man now
sometimes it can be hard to cut our losses at least you have the facts
what would you tell yourself to do?