Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

A man threatened to kill me when I was on a walk. Was very aggressive. I reported it to the police and thirty minutes later they closed the case. They did nothing.

I agree.

If I took that advice, I’d hardly walk anywhere. I live in the countryside, and I walk my dogs for miles and rarely see anyone.
I don’t have anyone to walk with the majority of the time, nor do I have the time or inclination to drive somewhere where it’s more popular with people around.
And what would people do who have to walk their dogs early in the morning or late at night where there is likely no one around?.

I think we have to be sensible and aware of our surroundings, but suggesting people shouldn’t walk alone when there aren’t people around I imagine wouldn’t be practical for a lot of people.

(Yes a strong bloke could over power a woman, but a spray to the eyes would certainly slow him down no matter how strong he is).

Yep, same here.

It’s not catastrophising to think a stranger asking for sex in a remote place has potential for a rape scenario. I can’t read the full thread as it’s long and I’m tired but I hope you did report it to the police, it helps to build their intel. Might fit description of someone already known to them and might prevent an actual attack further down the line or an intimidating encounter for someone younger/ older/ who would find it scary etc
and if no place else to walk your dog how about just normal streets for now?
dog doesn’t have to go in woods if it means potential danger for you.
or walk with other people

''Situational awareness'' is important though - being aware of one's surroundings, it definitely feels safer on walks miles from anywhere, various woods near cities definitely have a different feel to them, probably as ne'er do wells and others loiter or camp out in them.

I do believe in following one's instincts- if one gets an uneasy feeling, take notice of it.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn and Flop are the 5 recognised responses to trauma, but unfortunately a lot of people think it’s just a case of fight/flight.

Please report that to the police OP. I'm really glad you're OK. It sounds potentially quite scary.

When I lived in the countryside I'd walk miles on my own without a worry, but often I wouldn't see another person. I live on the edge of a city now and sometimes do feel quite on edge when walking in local green spaces. I was walking round a local nature reserve today and could see a man in the distance just standing for a long time on a bridge that my path was going to cross. Now he could have been watching the ducks, contemplating the world, or something similar, but I really didn't want to walk past him and diverted my path in another direction.

This is fucking terrifying.
How long could he'd take no for an answer. One woman. Two? Three?

The next ones maybe in a hole in the ground already.

I'd have been on to the police as soon as I was in a safe place. 999. Not an online form that nobody's even read.

Please phone then and make sure they've got the form. And are doing something.

I can't believe you've been so blasé about this OP.

I honestly think you should have done more and sooner. Im actually quite upset thinking what could have happened already because if your lack of action.

Report ASAP you are minimising a very serious incident he needs reported and the local community warned, he may have done this (or worse) to other women. It sounds to me like he was preparing for an attack. Do you have any friends that can help?

People on here seem to be very naive about the police.

A couple of years ago, I reported a creepy old man touching himself (through his trousers) while staring at me across the road (I had crossed it to get away from him after he approached me), and the call handler's response was just, "Did he take his trousers off?" Well, that's ok, then! 😡I could practically hear her yawning down the phone. Nothing was done.

I'm pretty sure the same guy approached me while I was sitting alone at the bus stop after dark a few weeks ago. He asked me if I'd ever seen a big cock. 🙄More worryingly, he then hung around staring at me relentlessly from behind a low wall next to the stop until my bus came. I haven't bothered to report it to the police, because every single time I report a crime or a possible danger to the public, I get a completely dismissive, unprofessional, unhelpful and often downright rude response from the call handler and nothing is ever done or followed up. I'm planning to make a complaint eventually, but it's not top on my list of priorities.

If my experience is anything to go by, I can completely understand why so many women don't bother reporting stuff like this to police. Their (non) response is almost worse than the incidents themselves!

Yes, they will probably take it seriously if a MAN reports it...

😩This thread is now a farce.

You are safer in remote areas as, by definition, the fewer other people are around, the less likely there is to be a predator there.

A man who wants to attack a woman is more likely to be in places where there are lots of potential victims. (And yes, a police woman leading a safety session for women said that!)

And besides, if women stopped walking in places they may be attacked, they would never be able to leave the house. (Though actually, lots of women are attacked in their house too, so….).

I don't know how every force does it but the online forms in my County are read - all of them - by front office Police staff, responded to accordingly - advice given, crime numbers if situation warrants it. follow ups. If you don't think you've had the appropriate action then complain as there can be a different response from different staff ...

If anything else happened, it sure as fuck wouldn’t be because of the OP’s response to her unpleasant experience. It would be because the man chose to commit further offences. The OP is not responsible this man’s behaviour. Let’s stop finding women to shoulder the responsibility for male crimes. She’s bloody reported it. And now people are unhappy with the WAY she’s reported it! 😂 This thread has turned into some sort of parody!

Of course if anything happened it would be the perpetrators fault. I think we all know that.

But if someone got attacked and he/sge/friends/whomever found out later that someone knew a weirdo was about with hidden shovel knives asking for a shag in the woods and the person who was approached didn't immediately report it so the guy could be apprehended before he committed a crime, It would be devastating.

I do agree with other posters about the police response though. I have a stalker and they've done nothing.

You are safer walking down the high street and sitting in Starbucks than you are in woodland with no-one around.

Yes!!

He cannot have been all there is the head. How gross!

I have had a random stranger ask me to go home with him (it was late at night, after the bars and clubs let out).

I said “err, no”. And he looked so dejected and kept walking. It’s so weird, creepy and desperate.

This is a good point. He strikes me as unwell with no sexual impulse control - a dangerous combination.

This is a problem. I'm sure there is a difference between areas in terms of police resources and how able they are to respond. But although I've now reported this I am not optimistic anything at all will happen. In my area the crime needs to be very serious in order to have any response.

Like people have said though. Maybe this can sit on file and be added to intelligence if any future incidents occur

As for people saying I should have notified the police sooner so this man could be apprehended - I'm sorry it is extremely unlikely the police would have gone out looking for him and arrested him. They will probably do nothing at all. My informing the police sooner would not have protected anyone from anything..sadly the police in my area really do not have the resources for the kind of response I think people imagine there might be. As I said before, when I was knocked over and broke bones in a hit and run, this same police force did nothing (except insist that despite the fact I was in hospital, I had to report the crime in person at the police station, which was pretty hard as you might imagine given I was phoning them from hospital.with fractured limbs!

You did the right thing reporting to the police but you should have done it sooner rather than writing long posts about it on MN. God knows what that weirdo is capable of.