Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

@SoreHeadAgainnnnn

Listen, don't worry about how you reacted or what the 'conversation' was between you and this man. None of us know exactly what we're going to do in a threatening situation until we find ourselves in one.

And yes, report to the police. Don't feel 'silly'. Even if they don't do anything about it and they file it away, if this man does have 'criminal intent' your report and description of him may end up being a 'piece in the puzzle' that helps to solve a crime he commits in the future.

He is likely mentally unwell but so are the majority of rapists and peadophiles and it’s really important to keep reporting these things.

Indeed, I think we should start to think that anyone who commits rape or child sex abuse is mentally ill. Let's stop normalising this sort of behaviour: it is abnormal behaviour, and the perpetrators are mentally ill.

You could use pepper spray instead I guess.

🤣🤣🤣

You don’t need to apologise to PP’s for not responding how they think you should. The arrogance of some people is extraordinary!

Our survival response is fight/flight/freeze, all of which can help with survival but cannot of course guarantee it sadly.

No one knows how they will react in any threatening situation, even more gung-ho types.

You have handled an unnerving situation perfectly. By that, I mean, you survived it. You have now reported it, after the shock has worn off, so it is now in the hands of the police whether they do anything with it or are able to do anything currently.

It is up to you and your own sense of security whether you frequent this walk again. Of course if women had to avoid every area they had an unpleasant/disturbing encounter with men, we would be pretty restricted!

Having said that, humans are creatures of habit and often return to the same places due to familiarity and accessibility so I would personally be a bit wary .

Just saw this and thought I'd reply. Your response is called "fawning" fight/flight/freeze/fawn. I saw it recently and it made a lot of sense to me so I thought it could be useful for you.

Also you don't have to have been attacked for it to be a crime, intimidating, causing significant fear etc does make you a victim. It also could add up to a pattern of behaviour. Maybe try changing the thought of "it's probably nothing" to "it could be something" might help you? Both are the same thing but one is dismissive of your own feelings whilst the other is more open minded.

Feel free to ignore if you think I'm talking tosh.

Agreed. If you encounter enough dodgy men from school age up, it gets completely normalised. Not thinking to report to the police straight away doesn’t make you naive or stupid. I don’t understand why PPs first response was to have a go at OP.

This needs to be reported to the police. His behaviour could escalate and he may attack someone.

I have had several peculiar encounters with men (lunatic men) in random places and I reacted in a similar way to you OP. It's so unbelievable that you kind of loose your reality.

Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn.

You were keeping yourself safe. Thanks for reporting.

If you can’t be bothered to read an entire thread, then look at the bottom right hand corner of the OP and click on ‘See All’.

That way, you get to see all the OP’s updates, see that she has, in fact, reported it to the police, look far less of an idiot than all the other posters who can’t be bothered to RTFT and @BMW6 gets to keep all of their blood vessels intact 😁

Agreed...I have been SA'd as a child, and seriously physically assaulted ditto,{as a chid} by an adult male , but have also been saved by a man- a complete stranger.

Men are different just as we are.

My son is a young man, and he definitely is respectful of women.

Don't walk in remote areas alone.
It's not safe. Some men wouldn't have even asked you.

That's no deterrent against a strong bloke, they will.just overpower you or they'll have a knife.
Don't walk alone where there aren't people around.

I stopped walking im remote places on my own a few years ago for fear of this sort of thing. Dont risk it.

By the time you've got into your handbag, got out the deodorant, got the cap off and started to spray, it may be too late.

I think some of the most ''edgy'' areas are parks and woodland near cities.

I'd absolutely report that to the Police

Be careful SoreHead , Iwouldn't walk that way again for a while he might know your routine . could you put your dog in the car and drive somewhere to walk him

😂

Irrelevant to this thread but the Met colleagues never called him this; there was a rumour it was his nickname in his previous job but this was never really run to earth.

For the benefit of anyone reading this who thinks the natural response is fight or flight, I have been in bad situations with men a number of times and despite lots of familiarity with what I should do, and being fairly robust at other times, I never did anything but cringe, placate, freeze or pretend it wasn't happening. I would absolutely have been the person wandering away to continue walking their dog, thinking, 'that was a bit odd' and trying to laugh it off. I still feel ashamed for not making a fuss on two occasions when I could have, and should have.

It's often the best way.

I live in the countryside and walking in remote areas alone is one of life's pleasures.

I would post on a local group type thing to warn others about walking alone x