Would you judge a 26 year old (mum of 2) who casually sleeps with someone who is 18?

[PinkieToeZ]

Would really appreciate people’s opinions on this, thank you

This ... ^ it's like the woman I know (that's joined on to a semi detached house next to a friend of mine.) She's 34, and got a 4 year old daughter and has got her own home, and a job, and she's got a 19 year old 'boyfriend' living with her, who presents more like 14. He can't even grow facial hair. He doesn't look up when he's walking. He doesn't speak to you, (because he has developed no social skills yet as he has never worked.) He's got no job. He can't drive. He just goes around on a push bike. He just mows the lawn for her, and walks the dog occasionally, and smokes pot all day ...

He is literally got the 'maturity' levels of somebody who's in year 9 at school. He hangs around with 14 to 16 year olds - yet she is in her mid 30s with a 4 year old daughter ... Everything about it is just so wrong. It's absolutely grim ... He should be with a 16 to 18 year old girl. not a grown ass woman in her mid 30s, with bills and a mortgage, and who left school nearly 20 years ago. (And as I said, she has a small child.)

And as I said in my earlier post, I genuinely worry about the 4 year old daughter, with the amount of men she has coming and going, some who have actually lived with her (as this lad does,) and the fact they spend half their waking hours smoking pot and necking Special Brew and Tennents Super. (She has had this current lad living with her for 4 months, and she's only known him for 5 months!)

Yes I'm judgy and nosey. So what?

Nice to see OP has come back 🙄

Yes, definitely!!

OP not been back? Funny that

Depends. I was 18, met husband when he was 25. I was working and had my own flat. There wasn't a massive difference in maturity, to be honest. We are still together 32 years on.

Yes

No, not particularly, not unless she had some kind of authority through work etc. But it looks like I am in a minority!

When I was 29 I slept with a 20 year old. We were both single. No kids. Am I disgusting also?

All very earnest Im sure, but the vast majority of us have had and enjoyed casual sex, since the advent of time, we are sexual beings as humans, we are driven by sex.

Its not for you to say whether something that is between 2 consenting adults and affects no one else is right or wrong, its up to them.

I wouldn’t judge, no. I’m surprised at the strong reactions here. Gross? Really?

It’s MN, the home of sanctimony and judgement - what did you expect? You can’t move for pearls rolling round the floor.

When I was 16 I dated someone of 28. It was all very innocent as his mother knew mine and there might have been ructions if not. It was very good for me, we went to nice pubs and out for meals with his friends and their partners which was very much more civilised than what I did when out with friends of my own age.

It’s MN, the home of sanctimony and judgement - what did you expect? You can’t move for pearls rolling round the floor.

My thoughts exactly!

So you're a mind-reader and you know that those 18 year olds you know so well would not handle sex with a 26 year old?

I think if 18 years are still child like its because we as a society infantilise them.

No. Not the age gap anyway.

Though an 18 year old taking on someone else’s kids may be a challenge.

That said, there was a bigger age gap between me and partner when we met and we celebrate 30 years of marriage this year. It’s very individual I suppose.

Or their mummies who can't possibly deal with the fact that their little darlings are capable of having and wanting consensual and pleasurable sex with older adults.

Being completely, honest I would think she was very messed up, chaotic or emotionally damaged. I wouldn’t cut her out of my life or anything, but I would assume she was extremely troubled and incapable of making good decisions for herself.

If the roles were reversed I would think the older man was predatory, immature, shallow and only saw women as sex objects rather than equals. I would judge him far more.

I know I should feel the same in both scenarios though, and I’m probably cutting this hypothetical older woman (you?) too much slack.

I'd judge anyone who was 26 who slept with an 28 year old. Gender or parental status is irrelevant. Legally they're an adult, but they're likely to be essentially a child in terms of life experience and context with which to make adult decisions.

Why are we letting them drink, smoke, vote, join the army, work, walk the streets alone without chaperones?

Judge her because of the age, no.

Would I think it was particularly wise, very much no. You can argue that anyone can casually sleep with anyone else if they're adult and consenting but it's something that seems to cause a lot of angst.

Because in none of those situations are they probably being exploited or groomed by much older or more experienced people? I don’t really care if they make poor decisions of their own free will, it’s the power imbalance which disgusts me in the situation we’re discussing.

Really? You don’t think encouraging them to drink is exploitation by the drinks industry and grooming them for a life time of consumption?

That’s a ridiculous comparison. Yes, funnily enough I do think that “mass market advertising by drinks companies aimed at all adults in society including some that happen to be 18” is very different to an individual older adult taking advantage of a specific 18 year old in a sexual manner.

I’d struggle to even consider the drinks companies to be “exploiting” 18 year olds, to be honest. At least, not any more so than any advertising targeted at anyone of any age.

So you don't actually care about the 18 year old's welfare in any other situation then?